When our Babies go to Heaven

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When our Babies go to Heaven

Hello all!

Hope I find you all well x

NEWS

TOBY

Update on my baby toad!  I found him in my bedroom three nights running so I decided to create a toad home for him under a tree in my garden and have named him Toby!  He has gone from animal totem to official pet bless him.  I checked on him this morning and he is chilling in one of his water pools that I made out of an old compost bag!  What a rock and roll life I lead!  I know that my blogs are few and far between but I have to wait until my brain and hands work and I have inspiration for what subject to concentrate on!

MY SHORT STORY COLLECTION – THE CHILL LOUNGE

I don’t know if all of you saw on Facebook that I asked if you would be interested in reading my paranormal short stories that I have written.  They contain all sorts of adult inspirational stories with an underlying spiritual message or some form of education.  As I had a lovely response I will be getting them put on my website as soon as I know the best way to execute my new idea, each download will cost 75p.
First three stories available here

 

HEAVEN CALLING

For all of you beautiful people who sent your stories in about how you have had proof of your loved one’s afterlife for my book, could I ask you to confirm if you still want them in the book as I will be submitting it mid September.  I will email you as well but thought I could save some energy lol!  Thanks to the ones who have already emailed!

WHEN OUR BABIES GO TO HEAVEN

Angel babies

I had to write about this, this week.  I have had a lot of synchronicity that has drawn me to this subject lately and of course the harrowing story of beautiful baby Charlie in the media.  I have been inspired by a beautiful girl emailing me that has been trying and failing to fall pregnant and an amazing story where two babies literally create a miracle to let their mums know that they are together and are thriving.

Nothing can prepare anyone for the loss of a baby or young child.  Babies lost through pregnancy whether it is a miscarriage, termination or born sleeping (hate the word stillborn)  brings so much trauma and grieving to mums and dads.  I have done countless readings where the pain is still there twenty years on.    It’s because they were never born that people assume there is no one to grieve so some  mums tend to hold the pain in, hardly mention it and try to move on, which is the worst thing to do.

They never leave us….

 

I can tell you now that I have communicated with hundreds of souls of babies that want to send love to their mums, dads and siblings.  They usually name their family and give either the date of their passing or when they were due.  They also describe whats been going on in their family household.  They basically prove their existence.  They are always holding the hands of a family member, so please know that they are looked after up in Heaven, they are never alone.   As soon as life is created in the womb, the silver esoteric cord from Heaven connects with the foetus delivering the soul energy.  This soul then goes back up on the silver cord to heaven if they don’t survive.  They have intelligence and can communicate and visit you in the afterlife.

How do I know this?

SILVER CORD

I was doing a evening of mediumship in Shoebury when a lady came up to me and showed me a picture of her beautiful baby girl that had been born sleeping.  The reason she showed me the picture was because there was a silver white line coming from the babies tummy rising up into the air.  She wanted to ask me what it was.  I, to be honest had no clue.

So I told her I would ask my guide Julianus later and let her know.

In meditation I asked Julianus what the silver line was.

THE ESOTERIC CORD

He said:

The line that you see is the ethereal silver cord that comes directly from Heaven.  It is like the spiritual version of an umbilical cord that connects to our solar plexus.  It links us to the universe and Heaven.  This is also what holds our soul in place  to our physical body.  When the human body is born, the tie breaks from Heaven but is still used to hold our soul onto the human body. When the human body dies, the tie reforms as a line to return to Heaven.  You can later on in life travel on it which you will know as Astral projection. As the human baby had not even experienced Earth life or breathed in the atmosphere, the heavenly link to the body was still attached as you saw in the photograph.

I was ashamedly sceptical and I am also mortified to say that I didn’t tell the mum this as I doubted it!  Two weeks later I was doing another evening of mediumship in Dartford.  A lady came up to me and I was gobsmacked when she showed me a picture of her baby boy born sleeping and asked me what the silver cord was coming from his tummy.  I told her instantly what it was and then phoned the other mum straight away.

Julianus enabled me to see this other photo to prove that he was right.  I have seen many other photographs of the same thing.

So Please know that if your baby is 3 weeks, 8 months or 3 days old in pregnancy or 3 weeks, 8 months or 3 days old having been born they are still a fully formed soul with memories, consciousness and a love for their family.  You will also meet all of your babies when you are reunited in Heaven.

YOU HAVE NOT LOST YOUR BABIES FOREVER.

MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE

I have this wonderful story to share.  Two days ago one of my best friend’s son Jack was wondering along the breakwater in Brixham as kids do and found a bottle.  Inside was a beautiful message with stars and pretty things sealed in the bottle. (I won’t divulge too much in the description for privacy of the person).

They got home and shared the find on Facebook as it seemed very important that the sender of the bottle be informed.

Well hours later the owner of the bottle was miraculously traced.

She had lost her young child and her friend had lost her baby.  A year and a day ago, on the birthday of the oldest child, mum had thrown some bottles out to sea.  It was a gesture relating to her daughter and her friend’s daughter as a wish that they were together in Heaven and never forgotten.

To find the bottle ONE day after the young girls birthday a year later was totally wonderful and a sure sign that the girls are together and wanted their mums to know!

HOW DO WE KNOW WHEN THEY VISIT?

Babies and young children have a very definitive way of making their spirit known to us.  In readings, every baby I have ever seen shows themselves about 4 years old, so that I can describe their features to their parents.  The first thing to realise is that your baby may visit you in your dreams around this age or the age they would be now.  So be aware of this.

APPORTING

Babies love to bring things to you to let you know that they are there.  The most interesting one I ever came across was at a house where a woman was getting nappies left on her landing regularly.  She was scared that her ex was breaking in and trying to mess with her head.

When I was there I sensed the presence and then saw a cheeky looking little spirit boy poking his head around the bathroom door.  He then went on to tell me that he was leaving the nappies to remind his mum that it was his anniversary and that he would always look after his sister.  She was gobsmacked.  So was I, I could not work out or even try to, how he was managing to manifest nappies into the ether!  When we checked the diary, it was indeed five years to the day that he had been born sleeping.  Since that day the nappies never arrived again, but the mum now sees her spirit son running around the house.

I learned two things that day, babies can manifest anything and they always act as guardian angels over their siblings.  This explains the phenomena of ‘imaginary friends’,  they usually are the spirit of the child’s brother or sister.

We obviously do also have random spirit children that are attracted to children’s energies down here, but this is very rare,  they will usually be family.  Look out for buttons, white feathers, coins and other items that have been UNEXPLAINABLY placed somewhere.

TOYS

Of course kids love their toys.  So your living children’s toys will be moved, will turn on by themselves or repeatedly go missing and then turn up again in random places.  Look out for it!

ASPORTING YOUR STUFF!

Babies also have a tendency to want to asport your personal items, such as jewellery, hair brushes, clothing, anything you that you use regularly.  The phenomena is called ‘asporting’ they either move it to another location, or it goes missing for a long time and then appears in a obvious place that you would have noticed if it was there before.

GIGGLES

You may also hear running footsteps which is a very common phenomena.  I was doing an intimate evening of mediumship at someones house and I started to communicate with the mum’s baby that she lost in pregnancy.  Within  seconds the whole audience went white as we heard running footsteps upstairs knowing there was nobody up there! Bless him!  You may also hear giggling as well.

FEEL THEIR LOVE

Whenever I link with spirit children and babies I feel a freezing, bubbling breeze over my thighs and lower legs.  If you are sitting down it’s like they are coming up to you and pulling themselves onto your lap.  See if you ever feel this without any noticeable or explainable draughts.  They also love to touch you especially your face and hair.  This can also be seen in orbs next to your other children.  They can be first stage manifestation, a circle creating it’s own light (make sure they are not dust particles!), second stage – trailing comet shaped light anomalies, or third stage – White mist.  The colours can be different they don’t have to be white.  So keep a look out when photographing your children!

If you have any pics that you want help with please add them to the comments below.

A for Andrew

I was doing a reading for someone and a young boy was communicating with me.  I asked him to spell his name out for me. I then felt burning on my left hand and was amazed to see the letter ‘A’ being scratched onto my hand!  His name was Andrew which was confirmed by the family.  Don’t worry they won’t go to this extreme with you, but I am just showing you what they are capable of!  Amazing!

ENCOURAGING COMMUNICATION

As I always say at this juncture, DO NOT try and start a spiritual relationship with someone when you have not grieved properly or don’t understand spirit communication very well.

But if you are feeling up for it here are a few tips to get you started!

Buy something that represents your baby if you have nothing connected to them or create a sacred space in your garden.  Then tell your baby out loud that this item /space represents them.  They can then possibly interact with this item or it gives you something to focus on if you want a chat with them.  Take pictures of the space, you may capture something!

The Amethyst crystal amongst other things heightens your third eye chakra and helps you to focus on the spirit world. Grab one!

With the amethyst, try meditation or just simply ask for you to see your babies in your dreams.  It does help to hold something that they had contact with.

Any objects that you know have been sent by them keep in a box as it heightens their ethereal energy in that space.

Please do not be ashamed that you are still grieving your baby.  If you need to talk about them please do.  If people around you don’t want to hear it, there’s something wrong.

Google the stages of grieving.  If you are still held in denial, anger, guilt or depression and it has been a healthy passing of time (couple of years) you really should seek a bereavement counsellor.

Electronic Voice Phenomena

If you are brave enough try EVP (Electronic Voice Phenomena).  Children are excellent at resonating their voice with Electro Magnetic Field energy.  This energy creates sound on any digital recording device.  You can actually hear their spirit voice and they will answer your questions after practice.  ONLY do this if you are prepared to hear spirit voices.  It can be terrifying if you are not ready!

Talk to them out loud if you feel they are present and acknowledge any phenomena they bring.  They can hear your thoughts and voices and will  know when they are getting through to you.

It also goes without saying if you wish to seek communication through a medium,  PLEASE go to someone who is recommended word of mouth and doesn’t charge the Earth.  There are a some dodgy ones out there that will hurt you and hinder your progress!  You have been warned!

TRYING FOR A LITTLE ‘UN

To help with fertility call upon Archangel Gabriel to help facilitate the pregnancy.

Wear rose quartz on you all of the time.  This is one of the main fertility stones.

Write a letter of intent to the Universe i.e

‘It is August 2018 and I am pregnant’ statement the fact, don’t wish for the future.

Stop letting your energy pull you down every month when you discover that you are not pregnant.  Let it go and let the University provide!  Your thoughts and emotions create your future!

I don’t want to make this too long as there is so much else I could mention. I’m worried that you are yawning by now! lol

If you have any questions or concerns regarding this awfully traumatic subject please ask below in the comments and I will gladly help you.

You have never lost any of your babies forever, trust me, they are with you more than you know xxxxx

All my love

Nicky xx


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The Boot Camp of my Mind

HEALING STARTS FROM WITHIN

Have you ever woken up and thought, why the hell did I dream of that for?  Well I did , it was a random dream that was so intense that I woke up tearful.  I had dreamt that I was still with a certain ex who pretty much broke my heart.  I put it down to a random dream, but the next night it happened again.

This then lead to three weeks of dreaming about all my exes that had done wrong, been awful or had really hurt me.

By week one I realised that it was another spiritual boot camp.  I was healing my broken heart of bad relationships.  There were quite a few I can tell you!

The dreams felt so real it was like I was reliving them.  Every thought feeling and behaviour was revisited during dream state.

I needed to form a plan

I needed to form a plan

The first thing I did was dive into my spiritual knowledge itinerary.  What could I use or do to help me understand, heal from and end my apparent heart break?

ANGELS

Firstly I called upon Archangel Raphael as he is the Archangel of Healing.  I then called upon Archangel Azrael.  Now Archangel Azrael is usually the Archangel of death.  Not the grim reaper!  He helps souls part from their body and acclimatise to their new form.  He also assists people who are suffering the loss of that loved one.  However, he also assists with grieving and moving on from situations that brought us harm.  So I decided to call upon him.

After I had done the invocation, I decided to pull a few angel cards and to my amazement the first two cards were Azrael and Raphael.  The next two were, ‘time to heal from past hurt‘ and ‘importance in knowing your self worth and value

Wow they had heard my plea already!

I then had an Amethyst crystal resting on my heart chakra when I was laying down which was pretty much most of the day.

Amethyst amongst other benefits help you to grieve situations or people.

Now I didn’t think that I was grieving these losers from my past but obviously my guides and angels knew differently!

TOUGH TIMES

Admittedly it was tough.  A lot of the time I woke up crying or still feeling the love I had for these men.  I couldn’t understand how this was helping me, reliving each let down.

However, I diligently wrote out my feelings in my soul journal and started to see a pattern between the lines.

Incredibly and I have to add this now. I have at this very second received a message about my ex who stole thousands from me after my accident?! Talk about synchronicity! Wow! Karma works, I swear.

Anyway back to my journal.

ARE YOU WITH THE WRONG MAN OR WOMAN?

Writing in journals heals the soul

Writing in journals heals the soul

When I started to read over my experiences and what had happened in the relationships in black and white, it hit me like a bolt of lightening.  I have had such low self esteem that I had attracted predators time and time again.  Like attracts like, so what I thought of myself and believed about myself was unhealthy and so I naturally attracted the same ilk of men.

You are who you attract

You are who you attract

I realised that this had to change.

I needed to value myself, put me first and love everything about me unconditionally.

MY LIST

The first thing I did was make a TO DO list in my soul journal.

Students of my PRISM LIVING course will know all about this!  My Soul Journals are my most precious possession.  I cannot recommend enough keeping a diary of your innermost thoughts and feelings.  The words in black and white provide so much clarity and power!

My first TO DO was self care.  I could not cope with daily living so I decided to surrender and reach out.  I asked for a carer and help and I soon got it.

I got a cleaner in as i was not able to.  So instead of crying over a mess in the house this was now resolved.

I got a dog walker for my babies to release the guilt of not being able to take them out.

I decided to say three things every morning that I liked about myself.

I decided that I would not have ANYONE enter my house who I didn’t really want there.

I decided to improve my diet and try to manage my comfort eating.

I repeatedly placed a blessing on the names of the people who had abused me, hurt me, lied to me and cheated on me.  I sent them pink roses and asked for me to be let go emotionally from their energy that was obviously still connected to me. I did this with past friends as well.

I arranged for a counsellor to attend my home.

After doing this for just two weeks I felt incredibly different. To receive help in my daily care, to help me get through my pain emotionally and to love myself was life changing.

I started to get regular contact from friends I had let fade because of my illness.  These were my true die hard friends.

I find now that I am surrounded by the most caring, kindhearted genuine friends who have no ulterior motive.

If there is anyone who comes into my life with the wrong energy, their true colours are exposed so quickly it is quite remarkable.  My psychic intuition rings out stronger than it ever has  as soon as their energy changes to darker motives.

I am now free from the binds that tied me to past hurt.

Write out who has hurt you.  Make changes to move away from that energy.  Analyse your current relationships and see if you are in a mutually beneficial relationship with unconditional love.

If not

CHANGE IT!

I was such a people pleaser.  I was so desperate to be loved.  I would agree to things that I really didn’t want to do.  I allowed people that drained me and just used me for my esoteric knowledge to stay in my life.  I felt too weak and unsure of myself to say NO.  That ended by the conclusion of this particular boot camp.

Healing from hurt is never easy.  Nothing that is right is ever easy.  But believe me when you make the changes and start listening to your inner child, you become empowered.  The beauty of self belief and self love is truly remarkable.  It changes you as a person.  I will never let anyone ever take me for granted again.  Do the same!  Change your life!

It certainly worked for me.

After this period of self realisation, the dreams stopped of my exes and I felt a profound sense of freedom and inner strength.

I started to look forward to 2017  with such zest as I knew this would be the end of my dark night of the soul  (Please google this) and my resurrection. I couldn’t thank the angels and the Spirit World enough.  They were dragging through my every mistake and reason for failing in life.

I still get tearful now with so much gratitude as I look at my life now.  I am of course still chronically ill but it doesn’t matter.  I am surrounded by love, support and respect.  I adore my home and my fur babies, I am sugar and gluten free and on a bad day like this when I can’t get out of bed, rather than enshroud myself with self pity and sadness I have the wonderful opportunity to write and share my knowledge and experience with you beautiful people.  What could be better?

But whilst this seems like my fairy tale ending, I still had to get there!  There were still many battles ahead of me!

PHOENIX

But at that time in my life, with no permanent home and feeling so alone in the world with no career, I envisioned nothing but the Phoenix as soon as I started to slip into emotional darkness.  Like a phoenix from the flames, I knew that I was going to be reborn.  I had faith stronger than ever that my life was going to be amazing.

I am the Phoenix

I am the Phoenix

I was still bed bound most of the time, still in pain 24/7 but my mind kept me focused.  Yes I had horrendous days and still had obstacles to face in the next coming years, but, I KNEW I was going to be OK.  I just had to be patient and honour my healing journey.  That was the difference.

Until next time

Nicky xx

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


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ME Myself and I. My Soul Diaries 10

 

FOCUS, HEAL, FIGHT AND WRITE

So I thought that I had done well getting through the abuse nightmares, but obviously not.  Another exceptionally scary part of ME/ Fibro are the severe mood swings.  You have absolutely NO control over your emotions whatsoever.  For instance, yesterday I actually managed to get out and get myself dressed, all be it very slowly!  I sat by the most breath taking view of the river Parrett, looking out to contented cows munching on their delicious banquet of emerald green velvet, birdsong creating the most tantalising orchestra and countryside views that were simply stunning. I listened to the odd aquatic plop of a jumping Chub in the ever flowing river, feeling serene.

Anyone would have felt at peace and completely at one

EMBRACE IT, OWN IT, NURTURE IT AND FIGHT IT

EMBRACE IT, OWN IT, NURTURE IT AND FIGHT IT

with nature in this place.  It is hard to understand from someone who doesn’t suffer from this condition, but even though part of me was adoring just sitting still taking in the environment, there was a dark melodic song miserably wailing somewhere within, alerting me to the fact that sadness and anxiety were happily swimming through my consciousness just like the fish in the river.  You don’t feel depressed, you don’t have any reason to feel sad but your brain just decides that is what it is going to do for the day.

DOCTOR VISIT

So going back to January 2015, I was experiencing the most volatile mood swings I could have ever imagined.  The anxiety attacks were frightening and constant and to add to it I had a seriously ugly red blotched rash covering my hands and arms.  They looked like sores, they were disgusting.  So in the end I decided to make an appointment with my GP as the receptionist said the GP was too busy to come out to me and was it an emergency.  My friend was supposed to take me but she was kept at work.  I couldn’t afford a taxi so I decided rather stupidly to drive the two miles to the surgery in Brixham.  I wished that I hadn’t even bothered.

I walked into the room and straight away I burst into tears.  I couldn’t stop myself from wailing out every fear and worry.  I explained about the debt people hounding me every day, the anxiety attacks, the fact that I thought I should be put in a psych ward as I couldn’t cope with the mood swings and about my non existent life coping with the pain and exhaustion.

This was the following conversation.  As an ex police officer, I was so enraged I made original notes straight after!! lol

Dr sighs: Well I can give you some cream for the rash, but I have to say, you need to get a grip.

me: What do you mean?

Dr: Well it’s not as if you are disabled or anything, it’s not as if you have a broken limb

me: It’s not as if I’m disabled! (I repeat sarcastically)

Dr: Well no you managed to drive here, you are dressed and can carry that bag.

Me: I have my pyjama top on and a pair of jogging bottoms with no underwear, the bag is empty to carry my prescription and I had no choice but to drive.  It took me two hours to get out of my bed to the car and I will now no doubt be in bed for days because of the effort it took to get here!

Dr: Well that’s just it, straight away you are putting yourself in a negative thought pattern by saying you will end up in bed

Me: (raising my voice) Well that’s because it’s fact, I have been going through this for three years!

Dr: Why didn’t you get a taxi if you are so ill?

Me: Because I couldn’t afford it. Have you been listening?  Banks and debt collectors are calling and sending threatening letters every day.  Sometimes I can’t even buy food as I am paying all the debt off!

Dr: Well why don’t you go back to work?

Me: Why don’t I go back to work, are you serious?

Dr: As I said it’s not as if you are disabled

Me: Of course I am! I can’t look after myself I lay in bed month after month laying in my own urine, eating shit and rotting away like a ninety year old! (Shouting at this point)

Dr: I am not arguing with you Nichola, don’t use that language with me

Me (crying my eyes out) I can’t believe this, I can’t believe my Dr is saying this to me

Dr: Well as I said I am not arguing with you, you need to start getting dressed every day and forcing yourself to get out

Me: Just give me my cream

I then tried my best to march out of the door, but wasn’t very effective at a snail pace hobble!

What a wonderful supportive doctor, stupid cow!  It is the GP’s like this who make our lives a misery.  What is it about this condition that there is such a lack of knowledge and understanding with some GP’s?  I was hurt, exceptionally upset and my brain started to tell me that I was making it all up and a hypochondriac. If my GP wasn’t backing me up then who would? I stood crying as I got my cream at the pharmacy.  The pharmacist asked if I was ok, I just said, ‘I’m upset because my GP is disgusting!‘  Haha, what a thing to say.

So ladies and gents, my advice here is OWN IT!  Do not allow your GP to judge you or dismiss your illness due to their ignorance, whatever your illness is.  Complain about them if you are not happy.  ME and Fibro are the most misunderstood and disregarded conditions in this country.  I am so amazed by the lack of support and understanding. Speak out, we need to be heard!  Now, I would have given her what for, but I was so emotionally and mentally weak back then.  I just limped out of the surgery feeling even worse than I had before I went in.  I let her words haunt me, so the following day I forced myself to walk around the cemetery, obviously this lead to more pain and exhaustion, so promptly stopped after day two!

Own it!

Own it!

The cream did absolutely nothing to remove the blotches, I assumed they were another part of the illness, so just allowed them to spread and stopped using the cream.  I started using Lavendar and wheatgerm oil instead, smelled nice, but did nothing at all, at least it stopped the soreness!  The rash disappeared about six months after as if it have never been there, but left some nasty scars. Weird one!

SPIRALLING DOWN

From that day I was on a roller coaster of emotion, it was torturous.  One minute I was smiling listening to the birds, the next I was raging and wanted to kill the stupid cow who had smashed into me and caused all of this.  I spoke to no one.  Who wanted to hear my rantings?

But something weird happened, that jolted me into making efforts to snap out of the spiralling.

It was in the early hours of 23 Jan 2015.  I was looking after my friends dog Zeus (bless you Zeus, hope you are enjoying the rainbow bridge x) He was a very placid dog and very quiet.  But he woke me up by suddenly growling and barking.

I looked at the clock and it was 3.33.  I couldn’t understand what he was barking at, he stood at my bedroom door barking at an invisible space on the landing.  I was terrified as I thought there may be a burglar.  Then there was the most almighty crash.  It sounded like my front door had been kicked in.  My two little dogs then woke up and started barking as well.  It was complete chaos.  I grabbed the phone and started to dial 999 as I was convinced I was getting broken into.  Visions of being faced with an intruder started to flash through my mind.  My whole body started shaking as I looked around for a weapon. My ears were straining to hear where the intruders were in the house.

DREAM OR CELESTIAL?

But then as if I had dreamt it, Zeus sat down and stopped barking.  My two babies, stopped aswell and laid down promptly going back to sleep.  My heart was pounding, it was like there was a huge drum banging through my ears.  I was breathing frantically and still straining to hear for sound.  Zeus, then literally fell asleep, snoring his head off!

I listened for a little longer, finger hovering over the last 9 on my phone.  But there was nothing, complete silence.

Don't go down there!

Don’t go down there!

Now, you know when you watch a scary film and the victim walks into the darkness and you wait for the high violin stringed music to signal their impending death?  Yeah well that was me.  You would ordinarily scream, ‘Don’t go down there!’ But I put the phone in my pocket and shaking like a nutter, holding a back scratcher (Come on!  I could find no other weapon!) I furtively walked onto the landing stepping over the snoring Rotweiler, that should have been alert and guarding my back!  I stood on that landing for an eternity, sweat was running down my back as I was in my mind waiting for the violin music! Haha.  My back started to scream out in pain, so it was either return to my bed or hobble down the stairs.  I bravely or stupidly chose the latter.  I walked around the dark house and found nothing to explain the huge smash.  Everything was in order.  Nothing was out of place.  As I sat on the settee looking out to the cemetery it hit me like a thunderbolt.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY

It was the 23 January, exactly THREE years to the day that I had had my road accident. I then remembered the time this incident had started 3.33.  I then tingled from head to toe.  I had been given a sign.  They were still with me, I was convinced.  They were making their presence known.  They were bringing to my attention that I wasn’t going through this hell alone.  I WASN’T ALONE!

I smiled as I looked out onto all of the silvery graves animated by the clouds flurrying before the moon.  It looked as if the shadows were dancing, celebrating, living.

I need to carry on fighting‘  I said out loud.

‘I need to dance and celebrate in my mind even if I can’t do it physically

A new resolve started to snake through me.  This bitch wasn’t going to beat me.

I then laughed as I put a vision in my mind of Sigourney Weaver in Aliens.

sigourney-weaver-kissing-an-alien-27502-1287837059-6GET AWAY FROM HER YOU BITCH!’ Yes get away from me, you filthy condition.  I heaved a huge sigh, said thank you to the angels, but they must have felt my niggling doubt that the smash and the time of the incident was a coincidence, because, like the alien, they kept on coming.

 

ANGELS

Every night from that night on, call it coincidence or not I was woken at 3.33.  I, as an open minded sceptic just assumed it was a natural occurrence, my brain registering that time every night to wake up.  Up above must have heard my mutinous thoughts!

Always 3.33 on my clock. But this won't load the proper way up? Weirdy!

Always 3.33 on my clock. But this won’t load the proper way up? Weirdy!

On Fri 13 Feb, I woke up to go to the toilet.  As I was in the bathroom, I heard voices and thought, ‘What now?’ I went upstairs and the television had turned itself on.  The remote was on the distant bed side cabinet. So I hadn’t leaned on it by accident or anything. I noted the time as 3.36 so I must have woken again at 3.33.  Amazingly the channel number was 369 and had stayed displayed on the screen in the top left hand corner, which ordinarily it doesn’t.  It was the Vintage Channel which I don’t really watch and certainly was not watching the previous evening.

369, Angel numbers.  I then heard a voice say Raguel.

My wing man

My wing man

Now I had never heard of this name before, so of course, I googled it:

To my absolute delight, it was a name of an Archangel.  I smiled as I read what he was responsible for.

Archangel Raguel working on the light blue ray is the Archangel of justice, harmony, peace, miracles and love.  He brings end to injustice, people and relationships from the past.

So was he here to balance the karma? Was that why I had had the dreams about my past abuse?  Was he here to heal me of my past hurts and friends who had turned their backs on me?  Was I going to get compensation for my life altering injury? Would I ever get a home again? Would the debt be dealt with? I looked around my bedroom, everything I had in there was pale blue and teal, colours I never usually was attracted to.  I had surrounded myself with his colour without even realising it.  I spoke out loud, ‘Archangel Raphael, I give you permission to enter my life and my soul and help me to heal from the injustice and hurt that has been brought upon me, I thank you for coming to me.’  That’s all you need to say really, when you invoke an angel.

MESSAGE RECEIVED AND UNDERSTOOD. OVER.

I then excitedly googled 369:

Angel number 369 is a message from your angels to continue forth upon your life purpose and soul mission, safe in the knowledge that your material wants and needs will be met as needed.  Your lightworking duties to serve and help humanity are important and you are being encouraged to put extra focus on your spiritual path and purpose.  Devote yourself to your soul mission without delay.

Your positive affirmations about your spiritual path and purpose have been heard and you are being responded to by the angels and those in higher realms.  Listen to your intuition and take action as guided.

Give any fears of monetary issues to the angels and get on with pursuing your purpose.  The angels, archangels and ascended masters fully support you and will ensure that your material wants and needs are met as you carry on your lightwork.

Research, study, schooling, education and learning will enhance and help your life purpose, personal growth and development at this time.  The angels will guide and help your need to learn and grow.

I then remembered with shocking clarity the angel necklace that I had found in a packing box the day before.

It was blue satin, with a light blue angel pendant on it.  I never remembered buying it or receiving it as a gift and as I touched it around my neck, I realised that it was the colour of Archangel Raguel. I then had a clear abrupt vision of my book.  The front cover was a picture of the Earth and human shadows in front of the Earth that depicted the Earth Walkers.

My destiny was to write and learn a new trade, I realised that now.  Write the direct word channeled from The Omnipresence and the angel realms.  My goal was clear.

After that magical night, a shift had taken place.  I let the phone ring on and on as I recognised the debt collectors numbers, smiling knowing that when the time was right, I would take them on and the banks with strength.  I just knew that it would be dealt with when it needed to be. It no longer haunted me. Justice would be done, I would be helped out materially, so all I had to do was focus, heal, fight and write.  I knew without any reservation that I was definitely being carried in the love and safety of the angel realms.

That night I slept like a baby.  They had finally reached me and had stopped the fear that had been eating away at my insides daily.  They were patient, but insistent and finally after all of their efforts, I was getting the message.

I felt truly blessed x

 

 


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Chronic illness, the light and the dark

WRITING BOOKS WITH CHRONIC ILLNESS, WHAT WAS I THINKING, NOTHING MUCH!

‘So what was the inspiration behind your book?’ I sat chewing my pen and had no clue how to answer that question.  I was filling out a questionnaire for a writing consultant and can honestly say that I had no inspiration to write for a living whatsoever.  Weird right?  Most people would most probably have a writing passion from birth or a previous life, lol, but not me!

Don’t get me wrong, I had always loved creative writing and had regular articles in many mainstream UK magazines, but to even think of writing blogs and books was beyond my remit.  You see, I never had a choice, it was thrust upon me in the most weirdest magical way.

THE WONDER OF DREAMS

Divine Intervention

Divine Intervention

In February 2014, I woke up after the most magnificent dream.  I was left in complete euphoria. I was desperately trying to resist my reality as I became more awake. I wanted to sink back into the wondrous pool of fantasy I was mercilessly being dragged from.  The dream was full of angels, miracles, world struggles, heaven and heroes.  ‘It was just a dream!’ You say. No, I haven’t mentioned yet about the fact that I’m a bit different from most people.  Since birth, I have been aware of spirit people, angels and other beings.  I was born into many generations of healers, mediums and psychics before me.  I was taking on a very important legacy that saw me leaving my career as a policeOn the Angels set with Gloria Hunniford detective and travelling globally to teach, demonstrate and investigate the magnificence of the afterlife.  My life was busy but amazing. I was relentless in helping humankind to understand how to cope with the pain of physical loss and understand the eternal journey of the soul.  I worked hard, played hard and loved my life. But oh how the brakes got firmly slammed on that existence!

 

On the Angels set with Gloria Hunniford

ACCIDENT

I had luckily worked my way up to becoming a well respected international medium and the world I saw, was literally my oyster.  But in January 2012, a few seconds changed my life forever. Those few seconds lead me two years later to be single, no career, no social life, homeless, debt laden, bed bound and in the darkest place of my life.  I had been T boned in a road accident by a young girl, that curiously left me in agonising pain on impact and bed bound experiencing the most debilitating exhaustion.  After a year of countless hospital appointments, doctors, specialists and physios, I was diagnosed with trauma related ME/CFS and Fibromyalgia.  I was happy with the diagnosis as I now knew what to fight, but as the months spread into years I realised there was no cure and I was just chasing the next ‘miracle cure’, after the next. Eating impossible diets and drinking every elixir I could get my hands on was my focus in life.  The biggest fight was to grieve my previous life and accept my new one.  I still have days now when I inadvertently find myself on that familiar battle ground.

Me before the accident

Me before the accident

To this.... after the accident

To this…. after the accident

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

WRITING CAREER

So inspiration to write books and blogs? None existent.  I was just laying in a dark pool of misery just managing to get through each day through the numerous symptoms of my particular chronic illness.  Full body pain in every joint, nerve and fibre, blurred vision, excrutiating pain with no let up, dizziness, sore throats, brain fog, depression, exhaustion beyond anything I could imagine to name but a few.  The list of symptoms is endless and like a relentless machine crawls it’s way through your whole being in any way it wants despite any efforts to stop it.

The severity of CFS/ME

The severity of CFS/ME

So as I laid in the misery of my reality crying out to the angels or anyone that would listen, then at the eleventh hour, the dream arrived.  I knew the dream I had just had, being lucid and strong,  was a direct message from the angel realms as a loud voice boomed, ‘You shall write what you have dreamt.’   I got up straight after the dream and literally started writing like a woman possessed.  The first six chapters were laid out before me without hardly taking a breath.  I had no brain fog as I wrote and just literally typed out my dream, recalling all of the events with such a startling reality, it would give me goosebumps with every word.  In fact my head is tingling now and I’m goosing up as I write! 🙂  It also felt as if a silent voice was telling me what to write next, it was and still is an intriguing phenomena.  EARTH WALKERS the first book of a trilogy was finished in a matter of months. It was a beautiful way to relay my spiritual knowledge and expertise, fantasy fiction, laced with subliminal spiritual education.

But it hasn’t all been plain sailing.  Sometimes you have not got the strength or the thought process to write.  My hands and fingers can be so swollen and so painful that I couldn’t write even if I tried.  The delicious part was without a doubt though, being able to become absorbed in the writing.  It was like I could escape the confines of my caged body and sail through the realms of fantasy.  I started to see my writing as a kind of ‘fix’.  I started to feel excited that I could take myself away from my reality and bath in the delicious depths of fiction and fantasy.  It also hit me that I could still help people through my words rather than through theatres, television and workshops.  It was a win win situation.

BLOG

I told someone recently about what I am telling you and they said, ‘My God this is amazing, why are you not telling anyone about all of this, your story?  I could just listen to you forever.’  So a few weeks ago I started my first ever regular blog, ‘ME myself and I.  My Soul Diaries.’  Writing the blogs has definitely been cathartic, I have relived the worst time of my life and through faith and miracles can look back and see how far I have come.  I can also reach and hopefully inspire chronic illness sufferers as well as lace my life chronicles with spiritual understanding and the true magic that the celestial realms can bring.

COPING WITH CHRONIC ILLNESS

My next stage is to start the frightening step of sending my book out to agents.  But if it originally came from a psychic dream, surely it will flow and get out to where it needs to go?  All I know is, is that chronic illness can rob you of everything, but not your mind and soul.  If your mind is positive, your day can be bright irrespective of whether you are in bed or able to hobble around. However, if you choose to be in the darkness, then you will lay in a morbid pit of misery, despair and loneliness.  IT’S YOUR CHOICE!

If you suffer from chronic illness, reach out, ask for help and love yourself, putting everything second to your physical and mental well being.  If you are surrounded by negative people, extricate them from your life.  Nothing can exacerbate your condition more than stress and a negative environment and people. I have also found chronic illness forums on facebook invaluable and have made some very special friends who totally understand me as they are going through it themselves.  The biggest problem was educating my friends and family about this invisible illness.  If I had a pound for every:

‘But you look well are you better now?’

‘If you just force yourself up and push through it’

‘You should exercise to get moving again’

‘It doesn’t help you sleeping all the time’ (With a subliminal look of accusing you of being lazy)

I would be living in a mansion with a therapy unit, hydrotherapy pool, private therapist, chef and carer!  The beauty of my five year journey has been that I have had a chance to heal and reflect on my relationship with me.  I now love myself in a healthy way and refuse to be put in stressful situations, as I know that when I am exposed to difficult situations, my ‘new brain’ loses the ability to cope.  So I write when I’m able and rest when I should and take every day as it comes.  Be kind to yourself and do not let others judge how you feel or how you should be. Stop any of that nonsense in its tracks.

Love is key, to learn to love yourself and to be surrounded by it is vital.  My grieving process is full circle and I now find myself in the stage of acceptance. But cant lie, I do have wobbly days, I am only human after all! As I write this my lungs are hurting with each breath, my ribs feel like they are being stabbed by a thousand hot needles, my lips are full of cold sores, my feet are on fire and are swollen, my fingers and wrists are aching, BUT I get to share my story with you beautiful people and my office is my bed, writing in my PJ’s next to my two little dogs!  Lucky me!

I do hope that one day there may be a cure or this crippling ailment will leave me, but for the time being I shall stop chasing miracle cures, be the best person that I can be, continue to write and take each day as it comes…

Be Strong, be kind, BE YOU!

Be Strong, be kind, BE YOU!

I wish you strength, love, happiness and peace and hope that my little input has inspired you,

Lots of Love

Nicky Alan xxx


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ME Myself and I. My Soul Diaries 9

FRIENDSHIP, NIGHTMARES AND THE LADYBIRD

I woke up and I was breathing like I had just ran a marathon.  I was soaked in sweat and felt like I had just been dragged from a time warp, a time in the past that I had never wanted to return to, ever.

During my teens after my dad had passed my mum unfortunately married, what I can only describe as nothing short of an animal.  Every day was like walking on egg shells hoping to appease him to prevent his frenzied violent attacks.  Fear roamed the corridors of our home like a malevolent shadow, waiting for any excuse to manifest itself.  I had along with other traumas, thought that I had dealt with this time in my life with therapy, but obviously not, as I was being taken back to that time every time I fell asleep.

The nightmares were so real that I thought I was dissolving into some sort of breakdown.  I was back as a teenager, angry, frustrated and  in the fear and terror of his vitriolic words, sneers and violence.  I just couldn’t work out why this was happening.  It was 1 Jan 2015 and I could see nothing but a black year ahead.  I just couldn’t shake out of it.  I was feeling like a victim again with the nightmares bringing all of my worried thoughts and innermost fears to the surface.  Why was I being made to suffer? The state I was in made me even more prone to not answering the phone.  It would buzz silently by my side but I refused to connect to the outside world, not even my closest friends had access, including Jay.  I couldn’t cope with talking, having any conversation or projecting my misery onto anyone else. I was isolating and I knew it.

THE LADYBIRD

My Totem Ladybird

My Totem Ladybird

As I went to grab my glass of water I was just about to take a sip and nearly swallowed a ladybird.  I carefully took it out of the inner rim of the glass and placed it onto the windowsill.  I then went back to sleep as the insomnia was horrific so most days I slept all day.

I woke up about 9pm fed my poor babies and was wide awake.  I had had yet another nightmare but chose to put it to the back of my mind as I literally ‘lost’ myself in Lost, a mysterious show where people are marooned on a very strange island.  I could hear a flickering sound and after a while realised that it was coming from under my lampshade.  It was the lady bird again.  Fearing she may burn on the light bulb, I caught her and took her downstairs to the lounge.

 

THE CEMETERY

I then decided to walk through the cemetery so the dogs could get a run.  Looking back on it, anyone from the road would have thought they had seen a ghost! I was in a white hooded dressing gown and carrying a torch!  I found a weird sense of solace sitting there in the silence under the starlit sky and the moon.  With no superficial light it felt ethereal.  I used to have many conversations with the angels there, in the black velvet of night.  But I never seemed to get an answer.  I felt an irony in that place, I felt like a ghost drifting through time and space with no specific goal or reason. It was so peaceful. I could understand why I had been given this space.

easebourne_cemetery_at_night_by_yoshi_1981

My starlit sanctuary

 

DIVINE INTERVENTION

When I walked back into the house, I of course went straight back to bed.  I saw something in the corner of my eye and saw that the ladybird was sitting on my pillow.  It just didn’t click, but remember the bumble bee?  So I huffed, lifted her up again and put her on the windowsill behind the net curtain.  I must have drifted off as at exactly 2.22 am I woke up and what was sitting on my hand?  The ladybird. I checked to see if this was a second ladybird, but there was nothing behind the net curtain, I recognised the markings anyway. It then finally hit me that this was a totem.  I googled it:

A ladybird heralds a time of luck.  Higher goals and new heights are possible.  Worries begin to dissipate.  New happiness will come about.  Don’t go too fast or try too hard to fulfil your dreams.  Let things flow at a natural pace.  In due course wishes come true.  Leave your worries behind you.  Do not be scared to live your own truth.  Protect your truth and know that it is yours to honour.

So it was about accepting my situation and allowing the processes to flow and resting throughout.  It was also telling me that I had to accept me and my new truth. It was to be difficult as I had always been driven to be the best at everything I did, as being good at doing nothing was the hugest obstacle I had to overcome.  It then hit me, was I being healed from my abuse trauma? Was there still a recess somewhere in my soul that tenaciously protected the memories and experiences of that trauma and they were finally being exorcised for good?  Was this part of the boot camp?  So many questions, but I just didn’t have the answers.

What I will say is these nightmares paved way to something magnificent and another tool to my itinerary that would prove useful in future years.  I just couldn’t see it at the time.  As for the luck and happiness to come, it was exactly right, but again I was in the black and at that moment in time there was no flicker of light to help me along my dark tunnel of isolation and misery.

I then googled 222:

222 as an angel number is one of the more common sequences shown to those who are awakening to the presence and guidance from the angelic realm.

The Angel Number 222 has a very significant and powerful vibration. It contains the attributes of 2 and 22, the Master Builder Number of inspiration, big ideas and the focus and persistence needed to manifest big dreams into reality.

222 as an Angel Number has to do with manifestation, keeping in balance, and creating blessings on a huge and global scale.

When you repetitively see 222, it’s a message from the angels that you’re on the right track. You’re in the right place at the right time. Stay positive, know that your angels are supporting you, but remember to ask for angelic assistance.

222 offers assurance that things are and will work out for the best when you focus on your desired outcome, stay positive, go with the flow, and continue taking steps in creating your desired result.

The Angel Number 222 is a reminder to keep the faith, to stay focused on what you want rather than what you do not, and to trust that all is well, and everything is working out according to Divine will for the highest and greatest good.

How inspiring!  It was a perfect explanation of my circumstances and my dream of publishing Earth Walkers, and just to back this up when I went back to sleep, I had another very lucid dream, another story that I was to write.  It is called Coffin Crashers and is a romantic adult comedy ficton about two girls who work in a funeral home and gate crash the funerals to find love!  It also enables me to bring in facts about the afterlife and the journey of our soul.  It’s an excellent story.  So perhaps I was being taken onto a new more creative path?  Becoming a writer of fantasy fiction?  Who knew.

The next three weeks brought the most horrific nightmares connected to my past, but miraculously, the dreams started to change.  By the end of this particular part of my spiritual boot camp, healing abuse, including an attack I experienced when I was 7, I found I was taking control of each dream and in the end won over the attacker and my mum’s ex husband.  After a few nights of me being the victor.  The nightmares stopped.

Yes I was indeed being healed finally of this past trauma.  It made me realise that perhaps the shadows in my soul were being erased in order for me to be clear, light and ready for my new spiritual work.

FRIENDSHIP

The morning after the last victorious nightmare, I went down to the front door to let the dogs out.  There on the doorstep was a basket full of food.  There was no note, no clue to who had left it there, it was just full of essentials that I needed.  As I put my arm up to steady myself by the front door, the ladybird was sitting on my arm.  I started to cry, I felt so grateful and most of all loved and thought of.  The food parcels, cooked meals and toiletries were left regularly on the doorstep.  I may not be reaching out, but I was being cared for in a most magical way.  I can honestly say, I would not be where I am now without my friends.

Never underestimate the true power of genuine friendship.  These are the beautiful souls who will be there for the highlights and the shadows.  I have found that my close friends are my family, my soul cluster.  Even though I hadn’t learned it yet, they were and are my lifeline.  Please if you suffer from a chronic illness, reach out to your friends, they are just waiting for you to ask, trust me.  There is no weakness in asking for help, if anything it is a refusal of self love and self care.  I still struggle, but I am getting there!

SUPPORT

I would also like to add, that if you have been the victim of any abuse or trauma, it may still be held in your soul as a shadow, even though you think you may have dealt with it, it could still be affecting your life now.

Please consider counselling if you are open to this type of therapy.  There are many other holistic ways through hypnosis, NLP, healing, CBT etc.

 

Archangel Raphael

Archangel Raphael

Ask Archangel Raphael to help heal your way forward.  It doesn’t have to be a specific prayer, just give him permission to come and help you.  He works on a beautiful green ray of light.  Imagine this colour in your head as you ask him to come and help you.

Archangel Michael, the warrior, is also a good Archangel to call upon, on a radiant blue light he can help you move forward with strength and focus and help cut any ties that bind you to the past.

Archangel Michael

Archangel Michael

 

Generally in the next few days you will get a specific sign from them to say that they had answered your call.  It can be anything to a feather delivered in an unnatural environment, an angel symbol or anything that will hit you as ‘weird’ or a representation of the angel realms!

Don’t allow your past to create your present and your future.  get rid of it once and for all.

 

My tale of the lady bird was a sad one, I found out she needed to be hibernated.  I placed her in a matchbox and put her in the porch but found her dead in the spring.  I was so upset!  But in her death, it almost felt symbolic, like there was a death of part of me which could surely only lead to resurrection…..


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ME Myself and I. My Soul Diaries 6

YOU ARE TO WRITE WHAT YOU HAVE DREAMT

The Sunday after my bumble bee episode, I accumulated another tool to add to my spiritual itinerary. It seemed that in the last week the heavens were initiating everything they could to get me back in a positive mind space and strength to fight.

YOU CAN HEAL YOUR LIFE

My friend randomly said, ‘I don’t know why, but you need to watch this.

Now I had read the book and worked on the exercises contained within it.  This book is priceless, if you find yourself in the wilderness, lost and desperate get this book or watch the DVD.  This book gives you the compass, map and route to find your way home.  When I watched the video, I cried through most of it listening to the individual stories of people’s struggles and triumphs.  It gave me another kick up the backside in wanting to get back on track mentally and spiritually.

YOU CAN HEAL YOUR LIFE by LOUISE HAY is a ‘must have’ to adorn your book shelf. It is like my personal bible.

There are such beautiful illustrations in the book and the affirmations and guidance in finding a happier, more contented you, are simply priceless.  I recommend getting the book rather than downloading it as the visual quality of each page can’t be missed!

You can heal your life by Louise Hay

This is the best copy for illustration

This is the best copy for illustration

So now I was ‘working it’ thinking about my life, changing all the negativity into positivity.  Even when the pain became unbearable I would imagine me walking through the Crystal Palace trying to distance myself from my mutinous body.  But believe me it was very difficult in the early days. I had a night just after that Sunday where my reality hit and I felt desolate yet again.

Sometimes in the dark hours your mind works overtime and mine was working like a jet fuelled engine. I cried out and said to whoever wanted to listen ‘I get it, but why? You need to deliver something as I am not going to survive with only stupid little signs, HELP ME!’ I was sobbing like a baby, I just wanted a lifeline, a reason for being.

THE DREAM

Now I know I have already put this story of my dream in a different blog but it is SO incredible I will mention it again.

The following morning after shouting the odds to up above I was awoken by my friend banging my door with the hoover.  I was so frustrated as I was in the middle of the most magnificent dream.  There were tears flooding down my face and my heart was beating out of my chest, I was literally breathless.  The dream was euphoric, the colours, feelings and visions held such a vibrancy I could do nothing but yearn to be back in it’s magnificence.  It was 7.30 so I though I would get a cup of tea and see my friend before she left for work. Well that wasn’t going to happen!

A voice that I recognised as I can only describe as angel vibration mixed with Julianus said , ‘GO BACK TO SLEEP!’

Now, because the spirit world contact us a lot in our dreams I have taken time to study dream phenomena.  Incidentally I have this fab dream analysis site, it is spot on when I look up what my dream means.  When our loved ones and guides can’t reach us in the waking hours they will blend with us during dream state where they can send information without our consciousness interfering and also give us a cuddle! That is why they cope so well as they can be with us whenever they like, but unfortunately for us we can’t, unless we meditate of course..

Here’s a link to the dream site Dream analysis

KATRINA

hurricane-katrian-looters-ap05083005104

 

I have always had intense dreams but I really started to take it seriously when I started to have prophetic dreams.  The one of hundreds that comes to mind was when I dreamt that I was standing on a beach in New Orleans, it was sunny and glorious but then this huge wave washed over me and I was thrashed around until I found myself in this main high street with dead bodies and sharks floating around me.  I looked up and saw a shop sign and it had ‘Katrina’s’ written on it.

A few weeks later hurricane Katrina smashed through New Orleans and when I saw a picture of the high St in New Orleans I was nearly sick. I had seen it coming but who would have listened to me and what could I have changed? I have asked this of Julianus, he said, ‘You are not there to warn, you are there  just listening to the highest vibrations that have shaken through the Universe and of those to come.’

So I now mention it on social media, the dream I have, just to give credit to prophetic dreaming, very frustrating.  I even dream of celebrities, I remember a warning one with Gary Barlow, he was in a bank looking very stressed. I sent him a message on twitter! (Yes I did feel like a nutter!) About a fortnight later he was under investigation for tax evasion. I saw the riots in the UK quite soon before they erupted in our towns and cities, I put it on Facebook and lots of people acknowledged it, which was good.  If it’s to do with a murder though, then I always send what I have to the investigation team, no doubt they chuck it in the bin, but I have done my bit..

I wish we were more like America and psychics were used as help on investigations, as I have had so much information before that came out correct when the perpetrator was eventually caught.

Any way back to my dream, my life changer.

I know that usually we only dream in seconds, but I went back to sleep and awoke 5 hours later on conclusion of the dream.  I was like a woman possessed, it was like returning from oblivion.  The same voice then said, ‘You shall write what you have dreamt’

MY READING

Now I have to take you back a few years, I was getting a reading from a medium called Bill, funnily enough at St Cecilia’s spiritualist church in Rayleigh, Essex. (Remember St Cecilia’s, my home in Rome?)

It was just after I had seen the three men in the window at my first mediumship evening, after I was retired from the police service in 2003.

Bill said to me, ‘You are going to be an important  spiritual teacher and reach thousands of people.  You will also write and this will reach millions.’

I smiled and said thank you, but writing? Nah.  Don’t get me wrong I have always loved creative writing and have always kept a soul journal,  I wrote permanently in my old job, detailed descriptive hundred page statements from rape victims and murder victim families, but books and stuff?  I didn’t think I had it in me.

Recently a consultant from America asked me, ‘What was the inspiration for your book?’  I had to be honest, ‘Erm, a dream? I had no inspiration what so ever!’

WAKING UP

So back to waking up,  still crying from the emotion of the dream, I walked into the lounge and typed the first five chapters then and there.  The words spilled from me like a geyser, exploding out on the white blank document before me.

Even the character names were given to me in a second.  None of it came from my imagination.  I later googled the names out of curiosity.  I was shocked when I saw that the names and descriptions of the characters in the book were the exact people described in the Old Testament, it was surreal.

I was completely obsessed with the story, it was so epic and so unbelievably reflective of our planet that I was humbled as I wrote.  I then learned as I was given more and more information that it was not only going to become a book it was to be a trilogy.  I even started getting visions of the actors that would play the characters! (Gerard Butler, Archangel Michael, lol)

Now and then  the human part of me whispered my concerns and fears, ‘This will never be published, agents will laugh at your effort, one in a million chance, blah blah blah.’ The lion part of the soul, is what Julianus calls it.

But then the spiritual part of me was screaming, ‘This has been channelled from the Heavens, you are their messenger, this is what they want you to tell humankind. To educate them through fiction.’ That was the mouse talking.  More about the mouse and the lion another time!

LIFE PATH CHANGE

My life path from that single dream had been changed in a dramatic way.  I now had something to focus on, something to work on during the lonely hours and a dream of being a published writer of this type of fiction.  I couldn’t reach the masses from the stages any longer, but I possibly could through my words.  I was already doing that through articles in magazines but certainly not on an epic scale such as a trilogy!

It was an epiphany.  It hit me like a bolt of lightening, as I then remembered that reading from St Cecilia’s. ‘You shall write for millions’ this spurred me on and in a few months the first book was finished.

If you have read my other blog entry from ages ago, you will know that I have been provided with an unusual mentor! I was told by Julianus that Elizabeth Bowen was helping me. I googled her, she was a Victorian supernatural fiction writer!

elizabeth

The reason why I have been told to do this in fiction is because Julianus explained that it would reach more people.  It would be a fictional story but laced with angelic and celestial fact throughout the plot.  Genuis!

So the plot involving forbidden love, action, death, evil, love and all things juicy has an important message laced within it.  We need a HUGE wake up call, we have to realise that as a species we are killing ourselves and our planet and things have to change.

As I write this I am getting goose bumps, as the magic of the book seriously transports you.  I furtively asked one of my best friends mum, Lin to read it and critique it.  I knew I would get honesty and harsh critique if I deserved it.

She had read the first few chapters and I approached her like I was facing a headmistress with my homework.

‘Did you like it then Lin?’ I asked holding my breath.

She turned around and burst into tears and was speechless!

I think that’s a yes then! lol.

So now I had to reinvent myself as a creditable writer.  I cannot tell you the times I have re read and re written the first book.

COLUMN

The other thing I had niggling me was how was I going to get it out there, how was I to get an agent?

Back in November last year, the 7th to be precise, I  remembered that most writers with a media presence are always asked by agents if they have a column. Apparently for some reason its important.  Well I had nothing like that.  I had been out of the loop for four years, I was starting to panic.

I sent a silent thought up to Archangel Gabriel and said, ‘You know my concerns, I need some help please if you want your message to get out.‘ It didn’t occur to me that I had sent this SOS up on a very spiritually numbered day, 7 11.

THE ANGELS DELIVER

book-angel

We have heard you

The following morning I woke up in pain but planned to start researching agents to approach.  Then I sighed and had one of those Lion moments,  ‘You have no chance, you are wasting your time and limited energy,’ said the roaring beast.  Then my phone beeped and I sat reading in complete shock what had just been sent to me.

I was asked to be the columnist in Fate and Fortune as the Psychic Detective! How the hell had that happened?  I had not been working for years, but here it was in black and white. Tears of gratitude coursed down my face as I raised my eyes  to the sky and choked  ‘Wow you work fast! Thank you‘ to Archangel Gabriel.  To be asked was an honour and obviously I adore my subject matter, investigating mysteries!

They were helping me, they had heard me, I was going to get this book out, I just knew it.

My Column as The Psychic Detective

My Column as The Psychic Detective

So in your darkest times, especially battling chronic illness, whether you believe in angels or not ask them for help, what’s the worst that can happen?

So back to 2014, as I proceeded along my boot camp schedule, writing frenzied chapters and trying to cope, I realised one day that I had committed to a spiritual retreat in Kent, I sank into a dreaded blackness. How the hell was I going to do it or get out of it?  It had been honoured and sold out for a year, I desperately didn’t want to let the students down, but I was far too ill.

I also met someone that little did I know was going to walk my path as my Earth Angel.

Footnote: I apologise for accidentally sending this out before I had edited it.  As you would have seen, I am writing on a brain fog day, so for me it’s harder than most to write! xx

 


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