ME Myself and I. My Soul Diaries no 7

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ME Myself and I. My Soul Diaries no 7

EARTH ANGELS

Hi everyone,

I have been asked to write a blog for a Canadian group so I am pleased that I am reaching people and so humbled to have been asked! ¬†This is my only way to reach you, so I truly hope that you enjoy my posts. Please share it with your family and friends ūüôā

My next obstacles in my life that were making me stress every day were the work commitments that I felt too weak to cancel, I was too scared to face the back lash. ¬†I was so worried about upsetting people. ¬† With this condition your ability to cope with the most smallest problems is non existent. ¬†I can only describe it as a blank spot. ¬†As soon as anything gets too much you get an adrenaline rush and you just want to fly not fight and your mind goes completely numb, like a flatline. ¬†Bearing in mind I used to be a strong minded police officer who could cope with any dramatic situation, this particular part of the illness was as if an alien had deposited itself in my brain and had sucked dry my coping mechanism. ¬†I couldn’t even cope with answering the phone or opening a letter.

Coping with emotion is non existent

Coping with emotion is non existent

I had a weekend retreat booked and evenings of mediumship in Grays and Dartford. ¬†They were both sold out, I couldn’t let the audience down or the centres. ¬†How the hell was I going to carry this out when I couldn’t even last a day without sleeping? I couldn’t think straight and was in massive pain despite the Morphine, Tramadol, Codeine and god knows what other opiates the doctors were shoving down my throat. ¬†I was drinking cans of red bull to keep me up, countless cans. My new alien brain had also changed my tastes, I could no longer stand tea and craved sweet things and coffee BIG TIME.

NIGHTMARES

I started to get nightmares all of the time, of standing in front of audiences and them booing me. It was horror every time I went to sleep.  Stress then causes other symptoms so I ended up with urinary problems, gynae problems, incontinence, skull shattering headaches, severe depression and extreme pain that made you want to die just to end the suffering.

I was desperate to hold on to my magical dream of the book, but in the darkest times, it was a distant unrealistic dream.

I ended up in hospital which was brutal as I attended alone and felt so desolate and unloved.

I saw family members kissing their loved ones and visiting and it just made me feel worse.

When I look back at this time I could kick myself rather sharply in the derri√®re as all I had to do was cancel all of the work. But I didn’t have the strength or self love that I have now.

I suffer NOTHING from anyone anymore and speak my truth. It is their problem how they react to my truth. ¬†Everyone take a lesson from that. ¬†Own your illness, own your boundaries and refuse to be amongst negative people or people that make you feel devalued. ¬†It’s like an insipid cancer, it will eat away at your already frail state! Get rid of negative people and situations!

THE RETREAT

The retreat was in June of that year 2014 and as each day passed I prayed for a miracle, it was like a count down to the guillotine. I was so scared, I was going to let down all these beautiful people who had paid to come and learn from me.  The hospital visit and operation had solved a few problems so at least that was sorted.

Every time I tried to reach Julianus I heard silence and found my brain would not allow the focus I needed to reach that loving alpha brain wave state.

Then something miraculous happened.

About a week before the dreaded date of the retreat, I woke up and actually felt a little energy. My pain was still there in every joint and limb but it was manageable. Our pain equation I’m sure is so extreme to other healthy people. Our ‘good’ pain day is most probably for healthy people a worry that would send them scurrying to the¬†doctors.

So I started to get up and about, I even managed short walks with my babies. It was amazing.

As I was walking along Berry head in Devon one day, Julianus came through sure and clear .

‘This is your last chance to reach humans, use it wisely’

They had given me strength to get through the work, I just knew it, but I felt the warning I was not to abuse it. ¬†But did I listen? No I didn’t, I made yet another one of the biggest mistakes of my life.

The retreat was at the Seekers Trust in Kent. I was left there alone with no help which really, really angered me. I was supposed to have people helping me, but I was left to cope 24/7 with all of my students.  But then the next miracle came, a lot of the students suffered with the same condition as me and were so understanding.  It was magical, they were beautiful people who helped me out tremendously and we all muddled together.  To say it was a stunning experience is an understatement!

THE SHOWS

So after a successful retreat, the shows were next.

Some of my beautiful ladies at Seekers Trust

Some of my beautiful ladies at Seekers Trust

Dartford, The Light on The Hill spiritualist centre with Trevor and Pat was my most favourite place to work, I adored it and the audience were always fantastic.  Again I was amazed at the fact I had strength and energy to work, but stupidly I took it for granted.

There was a queue running down the road in Dartford that night, despite it being sold out, people turned up on the off chance of getting in, they were shoving people in like sardines in a small can. I was gobsmacked, I had done hardly any work but here they were, all of these beautiful souls supporting my work.  The demonstration went wonderfully, I honestly thought I was back as the pure energy of the spirit people soared through my being, but it was a false prophecy. The lion part of my soul was roaring.

I managed the Grays dem as well and felt so well that I arranged to record my second guided meditation CD in London, MEETING YOUR GUIDES with the help of my ever supporting friend Mark.  I thought it would be a great way of helping people as well as some much needed funds.img_4443

I then in my new found energy booked a course to teach developing mediums back in Devon and a show there as well. I was feeling great, feeling  invincible and able to take the reins from where I had left them, whack the rumps and gallop onwards.

I was staying with my oldest friend Jo in Essex and we were having such fun, I was on a cloud of oblivion.

I then met Jay. We had everything in common. He was handsome, funny, kind and very spiritual and after my work we spent a wonderful summer exploring Devon and Cornwall. ¬†Thoughts of bed bound misery and pain were like a fleeting cloud in a gale force wind. Don’t get me wrong I was still in pain and slept when I could but NOTHING like I was before.

Jay and I became close friends but not in a romantic way so I kept asking why he was in my life as I had friends already.

I was still homeless. Still staying at friends homes, I had my mobile home repossessed in Devon as the caravan site managers were monsters and wouldn’t help me at all. ¬†But even though it hurt deeply, I seemed to cope with it.

MY FIRST HOME

In Devon I used to pass this old cottage on the grounds of Kingswear cemetery. I adored it and used to joke saying it was my house.

Well one night my nan came into the bedroom from spirit and said ‘Go on that house thing’ I then saw a vision of Rightmove. ¬†As I was still suffering with insomnia and restless leg syndrome I thought ‘why not, it will fill the hours’. The first picture was the cottage at the Cemetery to rent, I couldn’t believe it.

Don’t ask me why I asked to view it as I didn’t have a penny to my name and couldn’t get a deposit together, but I went along with it as almost a fantasy. I was staying with my friend Janet back in Devon then. ¬†I fell in love with this old crumbling cottage but had no money and no hope of renting it.

Then I thought of Jay. Without even blinking he agreed to lend me the money for the deposit and the first five months rent! I had only known him a little while, anyone else I wouldn’t even have contemplated asking.

My new back garden!

My new back garden!

He said to me as I was moving in out of the blue, ‘Your dad sent me here. To give you a home and help you‘ as if he was talking about the weather!

I froze and thought about it. ¬†It hit me like a lightening bolt, ¬†‘My God, he’s an Earth angel, he has been sent to help me!’

 

In fact without his input over the next couple of months I would still be homeless and in despair.

Earth angels are humans that have such a high resonance in their energy that they can bring messages from the Divine without realising it. They are also sent to people to help guide them and walk with them on their path. ¬†Most of them don’t have a clue that they are one. ¬†They can be in our lives for five minutes, five weeks or for our whole lifetime. ¬†A great example of this is addressed in the book ‘The¬†Celestine Prophecies‘.

Earth Angels

Before we incarnate we create a blue print of our life map that we want to experience on Earth. When we need certain souls to come back into our lives, we mark them on our ‘map’ and they appear. You will, normally, if they are to walk your path feel an inexplicable draw to them, whether they are male or female. ¬†They usually are part of your soul cluster which I will explain in another post.

ANGELS WITH GLORIA HUNNIFORD

When I was asked to do ANGELS with Gloria Hunniford for Sky, I was in two minds.  I could be made to look an idiot or it could help reach people.

On the Angels set with Gloria Hunniford

I was in Sainsburys at the veg aisle and this old lady shuffled up to me and said, ‘You are so good at what you do, so go and do it!’

I stood there transfixed. She then walked away as if she had never said a word to me.  That night in the bath a feather fell onto my shoulder I watched it fall from the ceiling! I knew it was the right thing to do, so I agreed.

Typical example of a brief Earth angel ‘shove’ message as I call them.

Look out for them, they are everywhere.  They may be in your life already.

LOOKING FORWARD

So, earth angel in tow in the form of Jay,  I looked forward to my new home.

This was November 7th 2014, again I failed to see the significance of this spiritual date.

Little did I know that my life was going to shatter into little pieces yet again and the next phase of boot camp was to take me to my limits, beyond anything I could imagine.


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ME Myself and I. My Soul Diaries 6

YOU ARE TO WRITE WHAT YOU HAVE DREAMT

The Sunday after my bumble bee episode, I accumulated another tool to add to my spiritual itinerary. It seemed that in the last week the heavens were initiating everything they could to get me back in a positive mind space and strength to fight.

YOU CAN HEAL YOUR LIFE

My friend randomly said, ‘I don’t know why, but you need to watch this.

Now I had read the book and worked on the exercises contained within it. ¬†This book is priceless, if you find yourself in the wilderness, lost and desperate get this book or watch the DVD. ¬†This book gives you the compass, map and route to find your way home. ¬†When I watched the video, I cried through most of it listening to the individual stories of people’s struggles and triumphs. ¬†It gave me another kick up the backside in wanting to get back on track mentally and spiritually.

YOU CAN HEAL YOUR LIFE by LOUISE HAY is a ‘must have’ to adorn your book shelf. It is like my personal bible.

There are such beautiful illustrations in the book and the affirmations and guidance in finding a happier, more contented you, are simply priceless. ¬†I recommend getting the book rather than downloading it as the visual quality of each page can’t be missed!

You can heal your life by Louise Hay

This is the best copy for illustration

This is the best copy for illustration

So now I was ‘working it’ thinking about my life, changing all the negativity into positivity. ¬†Even when the pain became unbearable I would imagine me walking through the Crystal Palace trying to distance myself from my mutinous body. ¬†But believe me it was very difficult in the early days. I had a night just after that Sunday where my reality hit and I felt desolate yet again.

Sometimes in the dark hours your mind works overtime and mine was working like a jet fuelled engine. I cried out and said to whoever wanted to listen ‘I get it, but why? You need to deliver something as I am not going to survive with only stupid little signs, HELP ME!’ I was sobbing like a baby, I just wanted a lifeline, a reason for being.

THE DREAM

Now I know I have already put this story of my dream in a different blog but it is SO incredible I will mention it again.

The following morning after shouting the odds to up above I was awoken by my friend banging my door with the hoover. ¬†I was so frustrated as I was in the middle of the most magnificent dream. ¬†There were tears flooding down my face and my heart was beating out of my chest, I was literally breathless. ¬†The dream was euphoric, the colours, feelings and visions held such a vibrancy I could do nothing but yearn to be back in it’s magnificence. ¬†It was 7.30 so I though I would get a cup of tea and see my friend before she left for work. Well that wasn’t going to happen!

A voice that I recognised as I can only describe as angel vibration mixed with Julianus said , ‘GO BACK TO SLEEP!’

Now, because the spirit world contact us a lot in our dreams I have taken time to study dream phenomena. ¬†Incidentally I have this fab dream analysis site, it is spot on when I look up what my dream means. ¬†When our loved ones and guides can’t reach us in the waking hours they will blend with us during dream state where they can send information without our consciousness interfering and also give us a cuddle! That is why they cope so well as they can be with us whenever they like, but unfortunately for us we can’t, unless we meditate of course..

Here’s a link to the dream site Dream analysis

KATRINA

hurricane-katrian-looters-ap05083005104

 

I have always had intense dreams but I really started to take it seriously when I started to have prophetic dreams. ¬†The one of hundreds that comes to mind was when I dreamt that I was standing on a beach in New Orleans, it was sunny and glorious but then this huge wave washed over me and I was thrashed around until I found myself in this main high street with dead bodies and sharks floating around me. ¬†I looked up and saw a shop sign and it had ‘Katrina’s’ written on it.

A few weeks later hurricane Katrina smashed through New Orleans and when I saw a picture of the high St in New Orleans I was nearly sick. I had seen it coming but who would have listened to me and what could I have changed? I have asked this of Julianus, he said, ‘You are not there to warn, you are there ¬†just listening to the highest vibrations that have shaken through the Universe and of those to come.’

So I now mention it on social media, the dream I have, just to give credit to prophetic dreaming, very frustrating. ¬†I even dream of celebrities, I remember a warning one with Gary Barlow, he was in a bank looking very stressed. I sent him a message on twitter! (Yes I did feel like a nutter!) About a fortnight later he was under investigation for tax evasion. I saw the riots in the UK quite soon before they erupted in our towns and cities, I put it on Facebook and lots of people acknowledged it, which was good. ¬†If it’s to do with a murder though, then I always send what I have to the investigation team, no doubt they chuck it in the bin, but I have done my bit..

I wish we were more like America and psychics were used as help on investigations, as I have had so much information before that came out correct when the perpetrator was eventually caught.

Any way back to my dream, my life changer.

I know that usually we only dream in seconds, but I went back to sleep and awoke 5 hours later on conclusion of the dream. ¬†I was like a woman possessed, it was like returning from oblivion. ¬†The same voice then said, ‘You shall write what you have dreamt’

MY READING

Now I have to take you back a few years, I was getting a reading from a medium called Bill, funnily enough at St Cecilia’s spiritualist church in Rayleigh, Essex. (Remember St Cecilia’s, my home in Rome?)

It was just after I had seen the three men in the window at my first mediumship evening, after I was retired from the police service in 2003.

Bill said to me, ‘You are going to be an important ¬†spiritual teacher and reach thousands of people. ¬†You will also write and this will reach millions.’

I smiled and said thank you, but writing? Nah. ¬†Don’t get me wrong I have always loved creative writing and have always kept a soul journal, ¬†I wrote permanently in my old job, detailed descriptive hundred page statements from rape victims and murder victim families, but books and stuff? ¬†I didn’t think I had it in me.

Recently a consultant from America asked me, ‘What was the inspiration for your book?’ ¬†I had to be honest, ‘Erm, a dream? I had no inspiration what so ever!’

WAKING UP

So back to waking up,  still crying from the emotion of the dream, I walked into the lounge and typed the first five chapters then and there.  The words spilled from me like a geyser, exploding out on the white blank document before me.

Even the character names were given to me in a second.  None of it came from my imagination.  I later googled the names out of curiosity.  I was shocked when I saw that the names and descriptions of the characters in the book were the exact people described in the Old Testament, it was surreal.

I was completely obsessed with the story, it was so epic and so unbelievably reflective of our planet that I was humbled as I wrote.  I then learned as I was given more and more information that it was not only going to become a book it was to be a trilogy.  I even started getting visions of the actors that would play the characters! (Gerard Butler, Archangel Michael, lol)

Now and then ¬†the human part of me whispered my concerns and fears, ‘This will never be published, agents will laugh at your effort, one in a million chance, blah blah blah.’ The lion part of the soul, is what Julianus calls it.

But then the spiritual part of me was screaming, ‘This has been channelled from the Heavens, you are their messenger, this is what they want you to tell humankind. To educate them through fiction.’ That was the mouse talking. ¬†More about the mouse and the lion another time!

LIFE PATH CHANGE

My life path from that single dream had been changed in a dramatic way. ¬†I now had something to focus on, something to work on during the lonely hours and a dream of being a published writer of this type of fiction. ¬†I couldn’t reach the masses from the stages any longer, but I possibly could through my words. ¬†I was already doing that through articles in magazines but certainly not on an epic scale such as a trilogy!

It was an epiphany. ¬†It hit me like a bolt of lightening, as I then remembered that reading from St Cecilia’s. ‘You shall write for millions’ this spurred me on and in a few months the first book was finished.

If you have read my other blog entry from ages ago, you will know that I have been provided with an unusual mentor! I was told by Julianus that Elizabeth Bowen was helping me. I googled her, she was a Victorian supernatural fiction writer!

elizabeth

The reason why I have been told to do this in fiction is because Julianus explained that it would reach more people.  It would be a fictional story but laced with angelic and celestial fact throughout the plot.  Genuis!

So the plot involving forbidden love, action, death, evil, love and all things juicy has an important message laced within it.  We need a HUGE wake up call, we have to realise that as a species we are killing ourselves and our planet and things have to change.

As I write this I am getting goose bumps, as the magic of the book seriously transports you.  I furtively asked one of my best friends mum, Lin to read it and critique it.  I knew I would get honesty and harsh critique if I deserved it.

She had read the first few chapters and I approached her like I was facing a headmistress with my homework.

‘Did you like it then Lin?’ I asked holding¬†my breath.

She turned around and burst into tears and was speechless!

I think that’s a yes then! lol.

So now I had to reinvent myself as a creditable writer.  I cannot tell you the times I have re read and re written the first book.

COLUMN

The other thing I had niggling me was how was I going to get it out there, how was I to get an agent?

Back in November last year, the 7th to be precise, I  remembered that most writers with a media presence are always asked by agents if they have a column. Apparently for some reason its important.  Well I had nothing like that.  I had been out of the loop for four years, I was starting to panic.

I sent a silent thought up to Archangel¬†Gabriel and said, ‘You know my concerns, I need some help please if you want your message to get out.‘ It didn’t occur to me that I had sent this SOS up on a very spiritually numbered day, 7 11.

THE ANGELS DELIVER

book-angel

We have heard you

The following morning I woke up in pain but planned to start researching agents to approach. ¬†Then I sighed and had one of those Lion moments, ¬†‘You have no chance, you are wasting your time and limited energy,’ said the roaring beast. ¬†Then my phone beeped and I sat reading in complete shock what had just been sent to me.

I was asked to be the columnist in Fate and Fortune as the Psychic Detective! How the hell had that happened? ¬†I had not been working for years, but here it was in black and white. Tears of gratitude coursed down my face as I raised my eyes ¬†to the sky and choked ¬†‘Wow you work fast! Thank you‘ to Archangel Gabriel. ¬†To be asked was an honour and obviously I adore my subject matter, investigating mysteries!

They were helping me, they had heard me, I was going to get this book out, I just knew it.

My Column as The Psychic Detective

My Column as The Psychic Detective

So in your darkest times, especially battling chronic illness, whether you believe in angels or not ask them for help, what’s the worst that can happen?

So back to 2014, as I proceeded along my boot camp schedule, writing frenzied chapters and trying to cope, I realised one day that I had committed to a spiritual retreat in Kent, I sank into a dreaded blackness. How the hell was I going to do it or get out of it? ¬†It had been honoured and sold out for a year, I desperately didn’t want to let the students down, but I was far too ill.

I also met someone that little did I know was going to walk my path as my Earth Angel.

Footnote: I apologise for accidentally sending this out before I had edited it. ¬†As you would have seen, I am writing on a brain fog day, so for me it’s harder than most to write! xx

 


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