ME Myself and I. My Soul Diaries 8

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'The Lion and the mouse should live in harmony'

ME Myself and I. My Soul Diaries 8

THE LION AND THE MOUSE

Hi everyone,

It’s great to see that people are commenting on the blogs themselves. I would love a community to build up here so we can help each other and discuss my blogs.  So please don’t be shy, add your thoughts!

So where were we?

MY NEW HOME

Yes, I had just moved into my cottage in Kingswear Cemetery. It is a solitary cottage completely surrounded by forestry and of course graves! I had no neighbours, nothing but nature.  I was so relived that after 8 months I finally had my own space and a place to call home.  I had never rented a house in my life so was feeling a little vulnerable but grateful. Jay had stayed for a couple of days so that I settled in.  I was then alone. I woke up and went downstairs and looked at all the moving boxes around me feeling a little intimated  with the mammoth task ahead. A lot of my stuff had been in storage and was full of mould. It was what I had clawed together before I had said goodbye to my house in Essex that I adored.

THE CRASH 7 NOV 2014

I stood looking out to the cemetery, it then hit me. It felt like my life force where the last morsels of sand running out in an hour glass had dropped their last grain.  I then literally felt every single bit of energy seep from my body. I started to shake and get heart palpitations, feeling dizzy I stumbled to the settee fighting for breath clutching my chest. I laid down panicking, no this wasn’t happening, I had been free to get around all summer, this just couldn’t be happening. The snarling beast of ME sauntered towards me it’s gnarled fingers reaching out to claim it’s prize. I was now about to pay for all of my activity throughout the summer.  The pain started to snake through my body until each breath felt like I was breathing in shards of glass. As tears stung my eyes I fell into a dreamless sleep, the only option, submission.

I woke up and it was dark.

My Earth angels Teddy and Mia

My Earth angels Teddy and Mia

I could hardly move and guiltily looked at two pairs of staring eyes. My dogs needed feeding, so I staggered to the kitchen every limb shaking from the effort and fed them. I had a glass of water then went straight to my bed and woke up again the following afternoon.

The sheets were drenched. Another symptom, excessive sweating, I was far too weak to change the sheets so I just chucked a towel over the soaked stinking mess.

My body was trembling so violently that I was terrified.   It took a little while to realise that I had no bladder control so I stuffed a towel around my bottom aswell.

I could hear a low growling moan, it took a few minutes to realise it was coming from me.

I realised that I had unleashed my lion over the last few months and had brought myself into the worst ME crash ever.

I thought that I had been through the worst.

How wrong was I.

THE LION AND THE MOUSE

'The Lion and the mouse should live in harmony'

This would be an opportune time to explain the LION and the MOUSE.

I was doing a trance demonstration once and as ever the exuberant Julianus came to the fore.  He was asked a question about what is the human soul and how is it different from our spirit.

This was his answer.

‘The spirit Is our essence. It reflects the colours and light that we perpetually carry and beam out. We exist in the ever moving ebb and flow of the universe. It is our identifying light amongst all the others that live within every living thing.

Your soul is your story, consciousness and core of intelligence.

When you incarnate onto the earth you need to cope with it’s heavy resonance and that of other humans.

It is like when Nichola dives. She needs equipment to manage the different atmosphere. The lower part of your soul that covers the heart chakra to the base chakra is the necessary equipment to help mange your material life. It reflects the same energy vibration of Earth life.  The higher part of the soul is your light connection to us and the universe. From your heart to your crown chakra.

For human purposes the higher part of the soul we shall call the ‘mouse.’  The tiny voice that feeds us all we need from the universe to live a spiritually connected life as a human.

The lower part we shall call the ‘lion.’ It roars with ego and human emotion and threatens the mouse’s tiny voice if you let it. The trick is to allow both mouse and lion to live in harmony. Once the lion roars too loudly for too long, the mouse is frightened, voiceless and becomes lost in the human experience.

How very simple!  So my lion roared all through summer, I MUST WORK, I MUST RECORD A CD, I MUST BOOK A NEW COURSE, I MUST BOOK SHOWS. My poor little mouse was trying to shriek above the roars to warn me of my frailty but I refused to shut the lion up.

You always know when you have gone wrong as nothing flows. Let this be my wisdom to you, if you keep trying something and it repeatedly fails and nothing flows from it, CHANGE DIRECTION.  When it is right, it will flow with everything dropped in front of you with no effort at all.

My CD hardly sold as I wasn’t able to get out there and promote it.  I was mortified, my friend Mark had arranged the production and recording facilities and it had failed. It was the first ever failure in my career, I was so embarassed,  the Universe was not allowing it to flow AT ALL.  I felt no one was interested in my work anymore, I was nothing, an old urban legend of a once good medium.  I should never had abused my energy to get it done.  The lion wanted to get it out there to help people, keep me in the loop as a medium and of course the funds were to help me survive as I was hardly working. The mouse was obviously trying to tell me to rest, take time out and heal. I remembered Julianus’ words when I was on Berry head, ‘last chance, don’t abuse it.’

Jay phoned to ask how I was, he was one of the very few I would pick the phone up to. I cried, I moaned, I screamed. He just listened but then he said something was niggling him, he was preoccupied all the time with the fact I had heard nothing from the solicitor who was representing me for the accident. Materially I was hanging in there for a payout. Without that I was truly in dire straits.

Jay kept on insisting that I phoned up to check what was going on. In the end just to shut him up, I emailed.

THE SHAME OF THE COURT SYSTEM

Long story short, the solicitor had done absolutely nothing with my case. It had sat in a pile as it was deemed a ‘complex case’ and obviously he didn’t want to deal with it. In three months time I would lose the chance to make a claim on the accident. I tried to complain through the ombudsman but they, all as most corporations do, close ranks.

When it dawned on me that I might not get any compensation at all, that’s when the anxiety attacks really kicked in. I would lay their wild eyed gasping for breath thinking I was having a heart attack. Thinking back on this time I feel quite nauseous remembering it. I was in my worst hell.  I hung on to the fact that I could use the money for care, a cleaner, private treatment and potentially my own home again. The desolation hit me every minute.  I felt doomed to the core.

Now just changing the subject a little, I have names that hold a particular energy.

David is a massively important name and men with this name have always represented help to me, it is also the code name my dad uses when he visits me from the spirit world as it was his best friends name.

Mark is another one. Mark’s in my life  are always there supporting in the background and want nothing in return.

So the next day when I saw the name Mark at a local solicitors firm I called him.

I don’t know how he understood my story as I was hysterically crying and reeling out my predicament about my solicitor failing me. I asked if he could help.

I will never forget his words,

‘Nicky ordinarily I never take on a case from another solicitor, but after hearing your story and how you have been so desperately let down, I’m taking this on, but I can’t promise you anything’

I felt so relieved.  Mark applied for an extension and registered the accident with the court, he was amazing, but this is what really angers me.  The law and the courts recognise ME and Fibromyalgia as a ‘malingerers’ disease. Not real. They also will not accept that road accidents can create this condition. So every knock and bang in my medical history was put down to this condition  going to happen anyway. The fact I was bed bound and in agony directly after the impact was not relevant at all.

Mark had only a few months to get all of the evidence together which wasn’t long enough. I was going to lose out big time. It also wasn’t relevant that I had lost my career, my two homes and my whole life. You can’t claim for that. So these people that sue in America for being upset over a news report seemed more important than my accident that wasn’t my fault, my illness and my non existent life. It made me want to puke.

Oh how the Lion roared. I felt hard done by, an enormous sense of injustice and a vitriolic anger that lived within me for the foreseeable future.  I also went back to self hate, as I had obviously deserved all of this misery.

The lion despite everything, still made me grip determinedly to my career, I wasn’t going to lose it, so I stupidly decided I would do a show on the 17 December at Lupton.

THE FINALE OF MY CAREER

Dragging myself through

Dragging myself through

The show had the lowest energy I have ever worked with in my life. I struggled with every link in the first half, the spirit people were walking all over me, jumping in and out whenever they pleased, jumbling all of the messages up and confusing me.  I was too weak to control them. When the first half ended the relief was tangible.  I went into the back room during half time and as I made my way to the settee my legs gave out from under me. I was trembling and felt like I was going to vomit, I couldn’t stop crying and felt so exhausted. I trowelled more makeup on and to my utter shame looking back, I necked three cans of red bull, oral morphine and vodka to try and keep me going for the second half. I am ashamed, but this blog of my soul journey has to be my truth, whether it is pretty or ugly.

It was at that point that I knew I had to surrender. It was over.

‘Enough Nicky, no more’ I said to myself.

I then walked up onto the stage, fake smile plastered onto my face, when all I wanted to do was collapse onto the floor and cry my heart out.

How I got through that night I will never know.  My grandad Fred came in the second half to help me.  When I got home I realised that there was to be no more public appearances and demonstrations. This was another thing I had to grieve as I cancelled everything and cut my work phone off.  As far as I was concerned my career was over and the stupid dream I had had about the Earth Walkers was just that, a far away dream that would never come to any fruition.

BACK TO BLACK

I was back in my dark, claustrophobic pit and this time, I didn’t want to get out of it. I wanted to rot away.  I wanted to starve my soul, mind and body until I was no good for this earth and would be taken back home.

Every night I begged God to take me back home as  I couldn’t do my Earth experience any more.  Suicide was like a morbid fantasy weaving its way through my consciousness at any given moment. But every time I looked at my little babies eyes staring at me I couldn’t imagine abandoning them like life had abandoned me, so I just sat in the fantasy of death hoping that the decision would be made for me.

I was also putting on weight. With no exercise and a diet of biscuits and cake, each gained pound corroborated my abhorrent view of myself. The lion told me I would never be attractive again, nobody would ever want me and that I was to be alone forever. The downward spiral was on full throttle and I had no intention of slamming on the brakes.

THE SERAPHIM

Seraphim, the oldest order of angel heirarachy

Seraphim, the oldest order of angel heirarchy

One night as usual I was awake, the insomnia was horrific. I slept for days then was awake for weeks with no respite.

I heard a female voice which sounded like singing. Despite me living in a cemetery it was not haunted at all. It was 3.33 in the morning when my phone turned itself on and started playing music, angel meditation music.

Angel number 333. I then heard a low rumbling and knew that something was about to happen.

Julianus then said,

‘We have provided this dwelling as a sanctuary. It will be protective, it will be completely for your healing. It is your castle and we will ward off anything that will bring harm’

I then saw in my minds eye a huge Seraphim growing bigger and bigger and folding her colossal black wings around the house.

Seraphim are one of the oldest, highest forms of the angel hierarchy.  They are God’s warriors. ( I had learned this in my dream for Earth Walkers) They were creating a bubble for me to reside in to heal, whilst obviously the soul boot camp exploded to a higher more intense level.

I then saw a shimmering light on my landing and Catherine, my guide of prophecy and Khan stood smiling at me with such a  look of humility that I started to cry.

I whispered,  ‘Please help me!’

The only reply that I received was, ‘Help yourself and we shall carry you through the journey’

I didn’t want to hear this, I wanted a magical miracle to transport me to a proper life free of ill health. But we never get what we want, we can only achieve our goals through hard work and introspection.

I thought I had had a hard life, but this was just the beginning.

I was to be put though the mill, squeezed through the wrangle until every single thing that held darkness was wrung out of me drip by agonising drip.

The first lesson was dealing with my abuse as a child and teenager.  The horrors of my past that had been locked away, were now being reopened and put right in front of my face.

Believe me when I say, they refused to leave until I lived through every single experience they gave me, the only option was to engage with them or allow their misery to haunt me…..


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Nicky Alan

ME myself and I. My Soul Diaries 4

THE ARRIVAL OF MIRACLES

Hi everyone,
Wow so far there has been such a huge response to my blog, of that I am overwhelmed and truly thankful! Quite a few of you have suggested that I make my story into a book. It’s already been started a while back. Like EARTH WALKERS I have decided to integrate my experiences with fiction to create THE DARK KNIGHT OF MY SOUL. It will be a chick lit comedy taking the character on a journey similar to mine but I will also be putting in some hilarious anecdotes of my time as a working medium. I don’t want it to be too miserable, so I am writing it with a lot of img_5012humour filled with inspiration, tears and laughter. I’m hoping that you will love it!
In fact I have so many ideas for books normally inspired from dreams that my fingers are going to have to work very hard to catch up!
I would also love to hear your comments, there’s a comment icon above my blog. I would love to hear your experiences especially if you are a chronic illness sufferer or want to share how faith or the heavens have assisted you on your path.

Drum Healing

So where were we? Yes I was on my way rather reluctantly to get some drum healing.
I was morose and in a deep depression and did not want to engage with anyone I met at the healing room. I was not good company. Finally I was summoned to the healing room where I would receive my healing. My friend Martine was not only doing the drum healing but she also handed me a bottle of water that she had infused with her healing energy. Water holds memory and I would literally try anything if it helped me get out of my God forsaken bed.

Deep Healing

The healing was deep, it penetrated my being with each rhythmic beat. It literally took seconds for my desperate soul to be seduced by the drum. I immediately went into a deep trance state, it was euphoric, I wanted to stay there forever. I did not want to come back down to Earth and to my miserable existence.

My mind then went blank, I was aware of the drum beats as they resonate through your whole body quite deliciously but apart from that I was in a no mans land where thought,  feeling and consciousness didn’t exist. I felt free.

Somewhere far away I was aware that the drum beats were slowing their tempo and were quieter, a far away thought was telling me we were coming to an end. I recall it so clearly, I could feel a little panic whispering it’s way back into my mind, I didn’t want to go back to my loneliness and Earth life. As my mind started to come back to the room it then stopped and wouldn’t allow me to awake any further. I must have been in the alpha brain wave state, the state we aim for in meditation. It was then that I saw him. The man who brought balance, unconditional love, discipline, guidance and breath taking humility.

He was my hero,my father, brother, friend, family and everything I could ever need, my soul guide JULIANUS.

I cannot recall if I cried out, I should ask Martine really, to see his beautiful face again after so long was like coming home.

Pain and relief

My Soul cried out in pain and relief, I had not seen him for what seemed an eternity.  Was I forgiven for whatever sins I had created to be going through this hell? Had he come to reprieve or reprimand me?  Mixed emotions were sailing through me, my saviour was here standing right by my side, but for what reason?

I think it prudent at this point to introduce you to Julianus. If you have been one of my students over the years and are reading this then you will smile and know all about him.

When I first became aware of him in my early twenties I had no clue who he was. I used to meditate and go to this little shack on a remote island. There I would see all of my family sitting around a fire in the middle of the shack. This grey haired, heavily stubbled man would be sitting in the corner wearing what appeared to be a brown sack cloth habit with a rope around his waist.  He reminded me a little of the TV character Steptoe!

Honesty, he had a very scruffy appearance and I chose to look at him but then ignore him as I said hello to my Nan and dad!
How awful Nicky! You naughty girl! But he said nothing, he would just smile and stare at me. I couldn’t for the life of me imagine why he was always there for years and years not saying anything.

I now realise that I was in the police then and obviously wasn’t ready to meet him and walk my path alongside him. After being retired from the police it didn’t take long for him to introduce himself!

I was sunbathing in my back garden, it was a glorious summers day and I am a bit of a sun worshipper. My mind was at rest listening to the bird song in the garden, I was totally relaxed and feeling completely calm.

I then suddenly felt exceptionally cold and realised I was in a cave. I could smell the damp moist soil on the cave floor and heard the incessant tap tapping of a water source somewhere nearby, dripping onto the rocks.
I started to try and wake up then, but realised that this was an important meditation as I heard a voice say,

‘It is time that I introduced myself, I am Julianus, I will show you how we met and that I have been responsible for you ever since.’

‘heard a voice’

Now when I say ‘heard a voice’ its a bit different from human hearing.
Sometimes they are discarnate, in the ether, like a proper human voice. The majority for me are in my head. It’s like a loud insistent thought that you know is not your own, I can sense the tone and accent easily. A bit like when I channel through spirit people during readings, or the angel realms. They all have a different energy and power, the angels realms is like a startling command it’s quite amazing.

Well this voice was melodic and velvety with a slight Italian accent. I fell in love with the energy of this strangers voice immediately, I was intoxicated with each word.
So I heard this voice and then the rocks at the entrance of the cave started to drag open. I walked out and found myself in a very hot climate looking out at a beautiful landscape lined with Cypress trees.

I asked,  ‘Where are we?’
He replied, ‘Trastevere, Rome’ (I thought he said travesty at the time!)
‘What is the year?’ I asked.
‘1452’
‘Why am I here?’
‘This is where we shared a life together, your name was Mary.’
I then felt a massive whoosh as if I was lifted into the air and found myself outside a stunning church with white pillars fronting the entrance. I looked up and saw the name of the church ‘ST CECILIAS’.

This man who I then recognised as the man who had been sitting in my shack for years took my hand and said,

‘You were welcomed here in the House of Mary Magdalena in this year.’ I looked into his bright blue eyes and wanted to cry, the care and love that exuded from them was indescribable.

Court Yard

He then took me through to a court yard and lead me through an archway on the left. He pointed to the arch and said,
‘Here I write the word of the lord. My prophecies will remain here intact forever.’ We then came out through the arch and were standing by a tomb, St Cecilia’s tomb.
‘This was your home Mary.’
In  the sun I looked to the crypt and saw the outline of my habit in silhouette form. It had a square shape.
He then said,
‘I have someone for you to meet.’
A man then approached me  with the most beautiful thick wavy hair. His face just represented total serenity and love. He took my hands and said,
‘Mary, I am Nicholas, I preside over you and the men in this space. I am here to protect you.’
He then placed a kiss on my forehead, I could feel the emotion spread through me like an unknown heat. His love was infinite.
He then looked up to the sky and said, ‘Come we must make haste, Ava Mary is upon us!’
He then gently lead me towards the church where I heard the most stunning chanting.

Back in the room

I was then ‘back in the room’ as they say. I was wide awake and crying my eyes out. It was one of the most beautiful things that I had ever experienced in my life.
Once I had blown my nose the next thing, as all ex detectives would have done, was hit the google button. It was a weird experience because every time I tried to google St Cecilia’s I would get to a link but then the computer would go down or the internet was lost. I sensed that perhaps it wasn’t the right time, to be honest I was a little scared that my miracle introduction was just my imagination, I didn’t want to discover that it didn’t exist.  Silly me!
From then on Julianus was a regular visitor. He was quite a sombre man in those days. In trance he came across as very foreboding and took no nonsense. He even used medieval Italian and sometimes Polish words that were recorded and translated into lucid messages. It was simply amazing.
But there came a time when I realised, being a spiritual ambassador wouldn’t just work on my word only, I needed proof that he and I existed, so that I could challenge the sceptics with my evidence. So I decided to get a ticket to Rome. It coincided with my ex partners birthday so it was a dual purpose visit.
I cannot tell you the fear that smashed through me as I got into the taxi and asked the driver ‘Can you take me to St Cecilia’s church, Trastevere’ he just said ‘Si’
My heart was beating out of my mouth as he drove straight into a square and stopped.

St Cecilia’s square

I looked up and let out a gasp mixed with a sob. I was in St Cecilia’s Square and was looking up to the familiar church frontage with the white pillars ‘St Cecilia’ written as bold as anything across the rendering.
I think my ex partner paid the taxi man as I just got out of the taxi in a trance like state crying my eyes out.
I walked through the court yard like a zombie looking at everything I had seen years before in my meditation.
I could see the gated area to my left that I knew lead to St Cecilia’s crypt and the archway that had Julianus’ writing etched into it.
I was so frustrated as the gate was locked.

I then walked into the church and saw a bust of a monk. It was a St Franciscan monk, which I later discovered did a Sabbatical in a cave prior to serving God, that explained the cave then! I then went on to discover that Julianus was here in 1452 and did write words of prophecy in the arch that lead to the house of Mary Magdalena. Women nuns were welcomed into the church here in 1452 where they were allowed to reside with the monks.

It was simply staggering. I was standing in a place that I knew so well, 500 years later!

St Cecilia's Church where I lived in 1452

St Cecilia’s church where I lived in 1452

To say it was overwhelming was an understatement. Now I knew why I was always completely at peace in churches despite not being religious.  I had to have incense burning all of the time aswell.  I just couldn’t stop crying. I also learned that ‘Ava Mary’ was what they called the Ave Maria prayer in that time that was chanted at sunset hence why Nicholas looked up to the sky.
‘Nicholas’ I thought, ‘I now need to find Nicholas,’
Reluctantly I left the church and headed straight for the Vatican.
If you have ever been to the Vatican you will know it’s like a house for giants. It is colossal with thousands of people wondering around everywhere.
Well I knew it like the back of my hand even though I had never been to it in this life. I went straight over to a guide and asked quite impatiently,

‘Where is Pope Nicholas crypt from 1452 please?’
The guide looked into his guide book.
‘No he is not here, signora’
‘Yes he is! Look again’ I said, frustration lacing my words.
‘No signora there is nothing here’
‘Oh don’t worry!’ I said very impatiently.

I then turn around like a woman possessed and walk towards this concrete opening with complete confidence and bounced down the stairs frantically.
The second crypt on the right I threw my body over and sobbed  like a baby.
I had nuns coming up to me asking if I was ok.
I then looked down to his plaque and saw  ‘Pope Nicholas V’. From his details I saw that he did cover the Trastevere diocese during 1452.
I was so amazed and humbled at the same time. Previous incarnations,soul guides and everything I had ever seen since a child was real, this was never a figment of my imagination, I had proved it to myself.
After what seemed a lifetime I reluctantly pulled myself away from his crypt and went back up to the main hallways.
Amazingly the same guide came running towards me.
‘Signora,’ he smiled, ‘My apologies. How did you know of his crypt? It is in no guidebook, but I asked one of the oldest guides here and he told me it was indeed down below in the crypt room!’
I had no words to answer him, I just smiled.
‘You are a special lady, come with me!’
The next thing, he was guiding me towards this small shop in the Vatican.
‘Go buy two phials’
Without questioning him I went into the shop and picked two small bottles. At the till the lady giving me my change looked at the coins and said,
‘This is unusual, I have one of the gold coins that are the popes special currency!’
She was obviously in two minds as to whether it should be given to a member of public.
She made her decision, ‘Well it was obviously meant for you, take it!’
I thanked her enthusiastically, wow one of the Popes special gold coins!
I then gave the two phials to the guide and he spoke in Italian on his radio.
An armed man with an earpiece then arrived and spoke to the guide and then they both looked at me.
He smiled at me and then took the two phials.
I had no idea what was going on.
A little later he returned with the two phials filled with water.
‘This is from the popes private font. Take it with you and use it wisely,’ he smiled.
I couldn’t believe it!
I took the phials and thanked him and the armed guard with so much zest they must have thought that I was a nutter!
How lucky was I?
Incidentally I used that holy water to heal my dogs tumour, but that’s a story for another day!

Me in the vatucan by the entrance to the crypts

Me in the Vatican by the entrance to the crypts

I have asked sceptics, very well known ones in fact, about my story, they either have replied they can’t explain it but its not supernatural (?) or I fell asleep in front of a history programme! What nonsense! We should be investigating it all together, this phenomena, but they are too tunnel minded on  proving us idiots and charlatans to discover the truth!
So back to my beautiful Julianus.
He was standing there looking at me with such love and concern as I was laying on the healing bed. I was aware that the healing drum had stopped. Apparently I raised my arm to quieten the girls as Julianus started to speak. I had no idea that I had done this.
Julianus had his hood up, I have learned over the years that when his hood is up it is a very serious message and he means business.
I heard a feminine voice then say,
‘You are receiving the sacred feminine energy derived

Me at the Vatican, can you see the orbs, one looks like a small angel!

Me at the Vatican, can you see the orbs, one looks like a small angel!

from the North’ I had no clue what this meant but would understand it years later.
Then my darling Julianus spoke. If Heaven had a voice it would be his.
He placed his hand on my shoulder. My shoulder sizzled, popped and bubbled from his touch, my whole body grew huge goosebumps.
‘My darling Nichola, do you honestly think that we would put you through all of this pain for no reason? It has to be done to clear your wrong decisions and to prepare you for your next phase of life and work.’
He then held my face with both hands and kissed both of my cheeks. I felt as if I had been  kissed by fizzy, freezing water.
As I felt his connection I then saw myself in a dark overgrown forest. I was far off of the path I should have been on. In order to get back to my path I had to battle through the overgrowth that I had wondered into, so I knew I had a long journey ahead of me. They had stopped me in my tracks as I was in the wrong state of mind, surrounded by the wrong people and obviously I had a new way to represent them and everything had to be put back on track.
Julianus then showed me PSALM 56:22. It is one of his favourite things to do. He shows me quotes from his bible as a quick way to get a message across.
I made a mental note to google it later.
He then said, ‘The healing you are receiving is like lumps of fuel,’ I then saw him holding lumps of what looked like coal.
‘We are stacking them up within you,but you must not use them before you are completely sated and full. When it is time we shall light the fuel and allow it only to burn very slowly. It will not be lit Nichola until it is properly full. You must cherish and preserve this fuel. April 2016 will be your turn around, be patient. Stop worrying about small issues, people, money. It is all on course.’
He then backed away from me with the most loving smile I have ever seen.
I felt sadness as I watched him disappear.
I opened my eyes that were yet again welling with tears and smiled .
‘He’s back, they are back! They never left me!’ I remember saying.
I had a new vibrancy. Not physically but mentally and spiritually I could feel the strength returning. This was the day that everything began again.
The synchronicity, the signs, the voices, it all returned to me on that poignant day.
I felt blessed and at peace. Finally my soul had been reawakened.

Psalm Julianus

I googled the Psalm Julianus showed me.
‘CAST THY BURDEN UPON THE LORD AND HE SHALL SUSTAIN THEE: HE SHALL NEVER SUFFER THE RIGHTEOUS BE MOVED’
How magnificent.
That night I prayed for the first time in years and knew that every word was being heard!
The following day brought the first signs and synchronicity that were phenomenal and I still had the next miracle to befall me. Believe me, it would change my life forever…..


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