Don’t go hating!

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Don’t go hating!

HEARTBREAK AND HURT

Have you ever woken up and the first thing on your mind is the delicious fantasy of the demise of the person who has hurt you?  In fact scrap the first morning thought, every waking second when your mind has nothing else to think about it but that person?  The one you wish still lived in an era where they could be hung, drawn and quartered?

Yes we have all been there.

People hurting us in whatever way draws the soul into a gut wrenching tirade of self loathing for being taken in by that person, absolute heart break, awareness of self vulnerability, uncontrollable grieving, anger and a teeth clinching hatred that that person can still walk around breathing, laughing and moving on.

Head explosive anger!

Head explosive anger!

THOUGHT PATTERNS

When we can in a quiet moment we almost relish in the fact that we can think out the most avenging things for the villain in our story. We should really curl up on the sofa with a bar of chocolate, glass of wine and  a roaring fire to plot our revenge as we put so much effort into it, so why not add some nice accessories during the raging thoughts of destruction and ultimate  hate?

When we are in the rawness of human hurt, we don’t even begin to look outside ourselves to see what is really happening.  We are far too busy thinking out the next witty sarcastic remark to add to their Facebook page! As we cry our hearts out, eating Ben and Jerry’s listening to ‘All by myself’ (yes I stole that from Bridget Jones!) are we really doing ourselves a justice?

In a way yes, we all have to grieve what has been done to us.  If the grief is too overwhelming then perhaps we need outside help.  Either through psychotherapy or counselling.

But let us just for one minute think about the words that surround this hateful time .  Words that we have surrounded ourselves in, that our soul is absorbing and what we are stating to the Universe.

Hate, anger, sadness, loathing, agony, pain, heartache, vitriol, bitterness, jealousy, injustice, unfairness, humiliation, vulnerability, rage, frustration, angst, stress, anxiety, sickness, depression.  I could go on and on.

If I was playing a word game and had to guess the link between all of these words here I would say ‘hell’.

Yes a living hell.  So why bathe in hell?  Why put ourselves through more physical and mental pain by hanging onto it all?

“BECAUSE THEY DID THIS TO ME!”

Yes fair point, but why do we then keep ourselves in their energy for the foreseeable future?  It’s a done deed.  Why do we dwell in the darkened chasms of their ill will or bad behaviour for as long as we do?

Ask yourself, why?

You have two choices.  Live in their wake for as long as you choose to or look at this situation, honour it, feel it, then move on and let the Laws of the Universe do the rest.

“Yeah right Karma, as if that works!”

Karma isn’t revenge.  Karma is the natural consequence of your thoughts and actions.

If they live in a dishonest, selfish and hateful existence how can they surely escape their own actions?

The simple answer is they can’t.

So if you stay in their energy hating them and loathing them you are placing yourself in their boat, in their filthy pond attracting the other scum in other boats in the same pond.

What if you got off of the boat, waded to shore and dipped into the neighbouring cool fresh ocean filled with freedom, encountering new boats that are enjoying the crystalline waters of tranquillity and happiness?

Its stubborn pride that keeps us in that limited dark dank pond.

 

Get off that boat!

Get off that boat!

It is a fact that our thought patterns lead to an emotion that then leads to behaviour.  If we don’t catch it and kill it (Yes stole that from Bear Grylls!) then we remain in a never ending circle of negative feelings and emotions.  We have been through enough, so why put ourselves through any more pain.  YOU are the captain of your ship, so it’s up to you to decide if you want to stay in the shark infested pond or sail into the horizon in your newly found sparkling ocean.

GET THE ITINERARY FOR YOUR MAIDEN VOYAGE

There is nothing I loathe more than people who give you advice or you read about  people who give you facts and haven’t been through it themselves.  That’s why I always write on subjects that I have experienced and what I have done on a mindful and spiritual path to lose the pain.

I recently got exceptionally hurt by someone and felt mortified that I had been exposed to it (I write about it in my next column Diary of a Psychic!).  I nearly went down the same route I always do.  The road aptly named ‘Self Pity’ leading to the junction of ‘hate’ ending at the ‘revenge’ motorway.

Yes I spurted out some pretty hateful words on the first couple of days and was spitting flames, but then I checked myself and started to look at ways to move on from this madness.  By me continually raging, I was still on day one of the hurt and not moving anywhere fast!

So the first thing I did was call upon Archangel Raguel. He deals with all relationship battles and hardships in your life and will not stop until your harmony is restored.  He can also assists in legal battles and finding justice.

Archangel of justice, harmony, balance and vengeance

Archangel of justice, harmony, balance and vengeance

It does not matter if you do not believe in angels.  What have you got to lose?  They will answer whether you believe in them or not.

You have to invoke angels, they need permission to enter your lives.

It’s very simple to invoke them.  I just said,  “Archangel Raguel I give you permission to come into my life and deal with this situation as you see fit and take the pain of this away from me.” There, done.

Archangel Raguel works on a pale blue light ray, so when you ask him to come and help imagine a big pale blue ball of light as you ask.

Trust me it works.

I then made sure I did something EVERY DAY that was for me and my indulgence. Basically a ‘self love’ exercise.

I am somewhat limited to movement so did self healing in meditation,  but for the sprightly person I would always recommend healing.  Either at a local spiritualist centre or a local recommended Reiki practitioner.

My friend Ian’s website thespiritguides.co.uk holds the best comprehensive directory of healing services near you.

The next thing is to get all of your thoughts and emotions out.  For the more physical people, go run and scream out somewhere isolated.  Scream to the top of your lungs until you can’t scream any more. Go punch something (Preferably a punch bag, not the villain in this piece!) go and play sport.  exhaust yourself of the emotion burdening you.

If you prefer a more cadenced approach write out your feelings in a journal (my students know I love a journal!)  keep writing until you get bored of writing about the same thing.  I also ask a family member in spirit within the words to also help me out.  This means that you have exhausted all of the negative thought patterns in your mind and soul through your writing.  It is very cathartic and it will surprise you how much you end up writing.

Whether you are in a field like a crazed lunatic or writing your woes out in a journal also state your INTENT.  Where you want to be in six months time.  The Universe needs to understand the problem, how you want to move from it and what you want at the end of it. (Don’t say ‘agony for that rat!’  It’s all about you remember!).

CRYSTALS

Sunstone is the ultimate crystal for this situation.

Self empowerment stone

Self empowerment stone

Sun stone gives you self empowerment, vitality and cleanses you from the negative actions of other people.  It is also excellent for strength and courage say in an interview (or court hearings if you are divorcing them!)  Have it as jewellery, in your pocket, or ladies in your bra, that’s where I keep mine.  Don’t forget to charge them  I will be doing a blog on crystal care another time.

If the villain is still in your life, i.e a difficult boss, awful neighbour or negative colleague then get yourself a Laboradite.  This is the best protection from other peoples intentions that you can get.  It mirrors their energy and protects your auric field at the same time.  Plus it is absolutely lush to look at.  When I know I need it, I wear it as a pendant and smile inside knowing that every intention coming out of that fickle person is being reflected right back into their soul! Love it!

full on protection

full on protection

Again you may not even have faith in crystals but they do work.  They resonate with our meridians to create an energy that works in it’s own unique way.

There are many crystals that can help but these two have appeared in my mind for this input so I will go with it.

After you have dealt with this situation and person for a while, the next natural step is to move on.  This is where the daddy of the Archangels needs to rock up, sweep you off of you feet, cut any ties that bind you to that person and sail you off into the sunset not giving them a second thought!

Cut those ties that bind you

Cut those ties that bind you

ARCHANGEL MICHAEL

He works on a royal blue ray of colour.  Do the same, ask him to come to your aid to give you the strength to move on and live your life to the full.  Usually you will get a sign that the angels have heard within a couple of days after the invocation.  It could be a white feather apported in an unusual place, an angel symbol in an unusual place or any personal synchronicity that makes you think, “Wow, that’s my sign to say I have been heard!”  Don’t forget to look out for angel numerology.  Any numbers of three or the number three in them.

I know it hurts.  I know it is exceptionally hard, but there is one more thing you must do to break the energy connection between you and the baddie.!  You are going to resent this and it will sting but it is the only thing that works.

Love over hate is a stronger more tangible energy.  It empowers you and sends a beacon of light out into the Universe that you now embrace and attract love.

You must send love to the baddie.

Yes I know, impossible right?

I send pink hearts to them and then move on with my day.  It takes a lot to get to this stage but when you do do it, it feels empowering.

By doing this, you are streets above their pathetic behaviour.  You are moving on loving and valuing yourself and your self worth.

Leave them in their pond and to their own karma.

It works if you work it.  It’s up to you.

Crystalline turquoise waters, or a dark dank pond?

Send that love.  The Universe will love you for it xx

All you need is love

All you need is love

Good luck, own that Love!

Until next time

Nicky xx

 

 

 

 


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The Boot Camp of my Mind

HEALING STARTS FROM WITHIN

Have you ever woken up and thought, why the hell did I dream of that for?  Well I did , it was a random dream that was so intense that I woke up tearful.  I had dreamt that I was still with a certain ex who pretty much broke my heart.  I put it down to a random dream, but the next night it happened again.

This then lead to three weeks of dreaming about all my exes that had done wrong, been awful or had really hurt me.

By week one I realised that it was another spiritual boot camp.  I was healing my broken heart of bad relationships.  There were quite a few I can tell you!

The dreams felt so real it was like I was reliving them.  Every thought feeling and behaviour was revisited during dream state.

I needed to form a plan

I needed to form a plan

The first thing I did was dive into my spiritual knowledge itinerary.  What could I use or do to help me understand, heal from and end my apparent heart break?

ANGELS

Firstly I called upon Archangel Raphael as he is the Archangel of Healing.  I then called upon Archangel Azrael.  Now Archangel Azrael is usually the Archangel of death.  Not the grim reaper!  He helps souls part from their body and acclimatise to their new form.  He also assists people who are suffering the loss of that loved one.  However, he also assists with grieving and moving on from situations that brought us harm.  So I decided to call upon him.

After I had done the invocation, I decided to pull a few angel cards and to my amazement the first two cards were Azrael and Raphael.  The next two were, ‘time to heal from past hurt‘ and ‘importance in knowing your self worth and value

Wow they had heard my plea already!

I then had an Amethyst crystal resting on my heart chakra when I was laying down which was pretty much most of the day.

Amethyst amongst other benefits help you to grieve situations or people.

Now I didn’t think that I was grieving these losers from my past but obviously my guides and angels knew differently!

TOUGH TIMES

Admittedly it was tough.  A lot of the time I woke up crying or still feeling the love I had for these men.  I couldn’t understand how this was helping me, reliving each let down.

However, I diligently wrote out my feelings in my soul journal and started to see a pattern between the lines.

Incredibly and I have to add this now. I have at this very second received a message about my ex who stole thousands from me after my accident?! Talk about synchronicity! Wow! Karma works, I swear.

Anyway back to my journal.

ARE YOU WITH THE WRONG MAN OR WOMAN?

Writing in journals heals the soul

Writing in journals heals the soul

When I started to read over my experiences and what had happened in the relationships in black and white, it hit me like a bolt of lightening.  I have had such low self esteem that I had attracted predators time and time again.  Like attracts like, so what I thought of myself and believed about myself was unhealthy and so I naturally attracted the same ilk of men.

You are who you attract

You are who you attract

I realised that this had to change.

I needed to value myself, put me first and love everything about me unconditionally.

MY LIST

The first thing I did was make a TO DO list in my soul journal.

Students of my PRISM LIVING course will know all about this!  My Soul Journals are my most precious possession.  I cannot recommend enough keeping a diary of your innermost thoughts and feelings.  The words in black and white provide so much clarity and power!

My first TO DO was self care.  I could not cope with daily living so I decided to surrender and reach out.  I asked for a carer and help and I soon got it.

I got a cleaner in as i was not able to.  So instead of crying over a mess in the house this was now resolved.

I got a dog walker for my babies to release the guilt of not being able to take them out.

I decided to say three things every morning that I liked about myself.

I decided that I would not have ANYONE enter my house who I didn’t really want there.

I decided to improve my diet and try to manage my comfort eating.

I repeatedly placed a blessing on the names of the people who had abused me, hurt me, lied to me and cheated on me.  I sent them pink roses and asked for me to be let go emotionally from their energy that was obviously still connected to me. I did this with past friends as well.

I arranged for a counsellor to attend my home.

After doing this for just two weeks I felt incredibly different. To receive help in my daily care, to help me get through my pain emotionally and to love myself was life changing.

I started to get regular contact from friends I had let fade because of my illness.  These were my true die hard friends.

I find now that I am surrounded by the most caring, kindhearted genuine friends who have no ulterior motive.

If there is anyone who comes into my life with the wrong energy, their true colours are exposed so quickly it is quite remarkable.  My psychic intuition rings out stronger than it ever has  as soon as their energy changes to darker motives.

I am now free from the binds that tied me to past hurt.

Write out who has hurt you.  Make changes to move away from that energy.  Analyse your current relationships and see if you are in a mutually beneficial relationship with unconditional love.

If not

CHANGE IT!

I was such a people pleaser.  I was so desperate to be loved.  I would agree to things that I really didn’t want to do.  I allowed people that drained me and just used me for my esoteric knowledge to stay in my life.  I felt too weak and unsure of myself to say NO.  That ended by the conclusion of this particular boot camp.

Healing from hurt is never easy.  Nothing that is right is ever easy.  But believe me when you make the changes and start listening to your inner child, you become empowered.  The beauty of self belief and self love is truly remarkable.  It changes you as a person.  I will never let anyone ever take me for granted again.  Do the same!  Change your life!

It certainly worked for me.

After this period of self realisation, the dreams stopped of my exes and I felt a profound sense of freedom and inner strength.

I started to look forward to 2017  with such zest as I knew this would be the end of my dark night of the soul  (Please google this) and my resurrection. I couldn’t thank the angels and the Spirit World enough.  They were dragging through my every mistake and reason for failing in life.

I still get tearful now with so much gratitude as I look at my life now.  I am of course still chronically ill but it doesn’t matter.  I am surrounded by love, support and respect.  I adore my home and my fur babies, I am sugar and gluten free and on a bad day like this when I can’t get out of bed, rather than enshroud myself with self pity and sadness I have the wonderful opportunity to write and share my knowledge and experience with you beautiful people.  What could be better?

But whilst this seems like my fairy tale ending, I still had to get there!  There were still many battles ahead of me!

PHOENIX

But at that time in my life, with no permanent home and feeling so alone in the world with no career, I envisioned nothing but the Phoenix as soon as I started to slip into emotional darkness.  Like a phoenix from the flames, I knew that I was going to be reborn.  I had faith stronger than ever that my life was going to be amazing.

I am the Phoenix

I am the Phoenix

I was still bed bound most of the time, still in pain 24/7 but my mind kept me focused.  Yes I had horrendous days and still had obstacles to face in the next coming years, but, I KNEW I was going to be OK.  I just had to be patient and honour my healing journey.  That was the difference.

Until next time

Nicky xx

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


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EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT…… SPIRITUALIST CHURCHES

Hi all,

Ever wondered about spiritualist churches / centres and what they are all about?

Want to go but don’t know what to expect?

Spiritualist churches and centres offer like minded people to get together, you can get a reading from a medium, healing and access to all sorts of development courses.

I have an article in Take a Break’s Fate & Fortune that details everything you need to know about them

It fits perfectly in with students who are currently working on session two of my PRISM LIVING course!

The article comes out on 1st July

Hope it helps

Namaste

xxx


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ME Myself and I. My Soul Diaries 13

THE MAGIC OF MEDICINE

Hello all. I find that my blogs are a  bit more few and far between at the moment, it’s due to my unpredictable condition.  I truly hope that you are enjoying them, as always I value your feedback.

If you know anyone that could benefit from reading them as a Chronic Illness sufferer or who may be interested on how the celestial realms guide us and help us please feel free to pass my experiences on xx

NAN’S VISIT

I saw the silver threads of light darting like sprites across my landing before I even thought I was going to see a manifestation. I was so weak and exhausted that I didn’t sense the usual feelings that one experiences prior to a manifestation.  Usually the hairs on the back of my neck go up, I get goosebumps, the temperature can either go up or down dramatically.  I usually smell who the person is as well.   My nan has her own smell its a bit like old fashioned perfume mixed with an old clothes smell that hasn’t been in the fresh air for a while.  My dad will be beer or cigarettes.  They are not the best smells but they will pick something that you will notice that you don’t ordinarily smell.

Usually when my dad also manifests some electrical phenomena that will bring my attention to his presence.  In the past he has rung the doorbell again and again, even changing the tune on the chime.  He has set off the microwave with the letters AFM which are his initials, he has turned the television off and on and turned all the lights on in the house after I have switched them all off.  With my dad’s dad I always see a dark grey suit, my mum’s dad I just feel him standing tall at the doorway.  All of your spirit loved ones will manifest the same way each time so that you can understand and identify them.  They will choose their way to manifest though.  So look out for similar feelings or senses when you believe they may be with you.  If you feel something odd in the ether or sense someone with you the easiest thing to do is close your mind and your eyes, the first person to be shown in your mind is usually the person who is there, you just have to trust it!

As I am writing this my sleeping dogs, Teddy and Mia have just jumped up and are barking like mad.  There is only birdsong, nothing else to rouse them, so perhaps I have drawn some of my lot here by talking about them!  I have already told you of the power of music, so always listen out for their favourite music.  They will try everything and anything to maintain a relationship with you.  The fact they have had a funeral is totally irrelevant.

Manifest the love that is there....

Manifest the love that is there….

So after the firework display of silver in my landing I then saw my nan who was unmistakable with her striking white hair and large figure.  She was walking away from me but then stop and turned.  I laid there breathless.  She looked transparent with a silver glow around her.  She said three words…..

Go on Facebook‘” she then turned around and walked past the door and that was that.  Now to say that I felt a little deflated was an understatement! Of all the things she could have said,  she said this!  Also you may be thinking how does she know about Facebook?  All of your loved ones no matter how long ago they have passed, walk with you, sit with, you share your life experiences, so they know exactly what things you do and all of the latest mod cons we use.

GERMANY

I remember doing a reading once in Germany , it went a bit like this

Me “Your dad is saying that you met on the internet, on a dating site. He really likes your husband.”

Her “That can’t be my dad he wouldn’t have a clue about the internet or Match!”

Me “Has everything I told you so far made sense?  His name being Peter*, that he was a carpenter, passed in a fire, all the rest of the stuff I have said is right?”

Her “Yes”

Me “Good, then you know that this is your dad.  You must also know that they watch us whenever they want.  They know what is happening, who we are seeing, what TV programmes we watch.  They learn of the new technology as they see us use it. You did meet your husband on a dating site didn’t you?”

“Yes”

“Then know that your dad has seen this and the evidence that I have told you tells you that he is still alive and with you.”

They learn what we do, when we do it and how. Another common one is the sitter will say it is not their loved one communicating as they are mentioning something that took place after they passed, like someone being born or getting married.  Of course they know this has happened as they are still with us!

FACEBOOK

So I knew that my nan would not make all the effort to come down to me if it wasn’t for a good reason so I immediately went on to Facebook.  The first thing I saw was the news feed and this lady crying with pure joy.  She had been in bed with ME/ Fibromyalgia for ten years.  She had taken a drug that her friend had recommended and within five days she was down the park with her granddaughter.  The video then scanned round the park and back on this woman who was playing with her granddaughter.  Usually I would think this was a scam or some rubbish to make money, but as my nan had told me at that exact time to go on Facebook and the first thing I saw relates to my condition, I started to google this wonder drug.

LDN TRY IT BEFORE ANYTHING

LDN TRY IT BEFORE ANYTHING

LOW DOSE NALTREXONE

LDN RESEARCH

WIKI LDN

Now I am going to scoot a couple of weeks on from this faithful night on the 27th July.  Luckily if you remember I had found the perfect GP.  I immediately made an appointment with him and asked for this drug.  He was totally proactive and agreed to prescribe it.  He was already treating patients for MS with it.  I was exceptionally lucky because most GP’s have never heard of it or won’t prescribe it.  Unfortunately it is a post code lottery.  Why don’t we know about this drug?  One guess. MONEY.  Because the Professor that manufactured it didn’t want it as a profit drug it has not gone through the FDA, unlike the higher dose which is used to treat diseases such as HIV and AIDS. No profit, pharmaceutical companies aren’t interested.

It is an opiate based drug and on researching it for weeks I found that most people had a hundred per cent recovery rate.  It treats Cancer, Hashimotos, Arthritis, Lymes disease, Chronic pain, Alzheimers, Parkinsons etc.  Any neuro, central nervous sytem, auto immune disease can be treated.  I have put a few links above so that you can have a look for yourself.

LIFE CHANGE

I was so nervous as I so wanted it to work.  What I can say is after taking it for five days I was able to get up and sit in the lounge.  I slowly came off of all of my heavy pain killers.  The morphine, tramadol, cocodamol and gabapentin went in the bin.  I had no side effects and there is no weaning off, you can stop it whenever you want to.  Unfortunately it only improved my condition slightly unlike thousands of others but I was grateful to be out of my bed permanently for three years.   It DEFINITELY improved my standard of life.   At least I was off the cocktail of hard drugs as I still am now.  In fact I started to write my book, EARTH WALKERS even more regularly and felt a little more hopeful on a daily basis.  I can not say it will work for you but I can say if you don’t give it a go, you are very unwise.

If you are one of the unlucky ones who has an ignorant doctor who steers away from ‘off the label’ treatments, then you can order this to your door privately.  This puts it into context how cheap it is.  It is £9 privately to buy.  The charge for prescription and delivery makes it £18 pr month, worth every penny.

Do your research and try this drug!

Here’s a link for the chemist who will help you if you need to get it privately.  You will have to prove that you have been diagnosed with your condition.  You will have a session on the telephone with one of the Doctors from Clinic 158 and then, the rest as they say is history, it arrives through your letter box and you start getting an improved state of life.

DICKSON CHEMIST GLASGOW

You have to find the sweet spot of mg’s that works for you though.  It takes a bit of time going up and down the dosages but you will eventually learn your individual dose requirement.  I stay permanently on 2.6 mg but the highest you can go is 4.5 mgs.

Give it a go, what have you got to lose?

So with my magical nan helping me in the most amazing way, my diet improved and not living so much in a dark hell what was next?

My next healing boot camp, my exes!

*The name has been changed to respect the privacy of the client

 

 


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ME Myself and I. My Soul Diaries 9

FRIENDSHIP, NIGHTMARES AND THE LADYBIRD

I woke up and I was breathing like I had just ran a marathon.  I was soaked in sweat and felt like I had just been dragged from a time warp, a time in the past that I had never wanted to return to, ever.

During my teens after my dad had passed my mum unfortunately married, what I can only describe as nothing short of an animal.  Every day was like walking on egg shells hoping to appease him to prevent his frenzied violent attacks.  Fear roamed the corridors of our home like a malevolent shadow, waiting for any excuse to manifest itself.  I had along with other traumas, thought that I had dealt with this time in my life with therapy, but obviously not, as I was being taken back to that time every time I fell asleep.

The nightmares were so real that I thought I was dissolving into some sort of breakdown.  I was back as a teenager, angry, frustrated and  in the fear and terror of his vitriolic words, sneers and violence.  I just couldn’t work out why this was happening.  It was 1 Jan 2015 and I could see nothing but a black year ahead.  I just couldn’t shake out of it.  I was feeling like a victim again with the nightmares bringing all of my worried thoughts and innermost fears to the surface.  Why was I being made to suffer? The state I was in made me even more prone to not answering the phone.  It would buzz silently by my side but I refused to connect to the outside world, not even my closest friends had access, including Jay.  I couldn’t cope with talking, having any conversation or projecting my misery onto anyone else. I was isolating and I knew it.

THE LADYBIRD

My Totem Ladybird

My Totem Ladybird

As I went to grab my glass of water I was just about to take a sip and nearly swallowed a ladybird.  I carefully took it out of the inner rim of the glass and placed it onto the windowsill.  I then went back to sleep as the insomnia was horrific so most days I slept all day.

I woke up about 9pm fed my poor babies and was wide awake.  I had had yet another nightmare but chose to put it to the back of my mind as I literally ‘lost’ myself in Lost, a mysterious show where people are marooned on a very strange island.  I could hear a flickering sound and after a while realised that it was coming from under my lampshade.  It was the lady bird again.  Fearing she may burn on the light bulb, I caught her and took her downstairs to the lounge.

 

THE CEMETERY

I then decided to walk through the cemetery so the dogs could get a run.  Looking back on it, anyone from the road would have thought they had seen a ghost! I was in a white hooded dressing gown and carrying a torch!  I found a weird sense of solace sitting there in the silence under the starlit sky and the moon.  With no superficial light it felt ethereal.  I used to have many conversations with the angels there, in the black velvet of night.  But I never seemed to get an answer.  I felt an irony in that place, I felt like a ghost drifting through time and space with no specific goal or reason. It was so peaceful. I could understand why I had been given this space.

easebourne_cemetery_at_night_by_yoshi_1981

My starlit sanctuary

 

DIVINE INTERVENTION

When I walked back into the house, I of course went straight back to bed.  I saw something in the corner of my eye and saw that the ladybird was sitting on my pillow.  It just didn’t click, but remember the bumble bee?  So I huffed, lifted her up again and put her on the windowsill behind the net curtain.  I must have drifted off as at exactly 2.22 am I woke up and what was sitting on my hand?  The ladybird. I checked to see if this was a second ladybird, but there was nothing behind the net curtain, I recognised the markings anyway. It then finally hit me that this was a totem.  I googled it:

A ladybird heralds a time of luck.  Higher goals and new heights are possible.  Worries begin to dissipate.  New happiness will come about.  Don’t go too fast or try too hard to fulfil your dreams.  Let things flow at a natural pace.  In due course wishes come true.  Leave your worries behind you.  Do not be scared to live your own truth.  Protect your truth and know that it is yours to honour.

So it was about accepting my situation and allowing the processes to flow and resting throughout.  It was also telling me that I had to accept me and my new truth. It was to be difficult as I had always been driven to be the best at everything I did, as being good at doing nothing was the hugest obstacle I had to overcome.  It then hit me, was I being healed from my abuse trauma? Was there still a recess somewhere in my soul that tenaciously protected the memories and experiences of that trauma and they were finally being exorcised for good?  Was this part of the boot camp?  So many questions, but I just didn’t have the answers.

What I will say is these nightmares paved way to something magnificent and another tool to my itinerary that would prove useful in future years.  I just couldn’t see it at the time.  As for the luck and happiness to come, it was exactly right, but again I was in the black and at that moment in time there was no flicker of light to help me along my dark tunnel of isolation and misery.

I then googled 222:

222 as an angel number is one of the more common sequences shown to those who are awakening to the presence and guidance from the angelic realm.

The Angel Number 222 has a very significant and powerful vibration. It contains the attributes of 2 and 22, the Master Builder Number of inspiration, big ideas and the focus and persistence needed to manifest big dreams into reality.

222 as an Angel Number has to do with manifestation, keeping in balance, and creating blessings on a huge and global scale.

When you repetitively see 222, it’s a message from the angels that you’re on the right track. You’re in the right place at the right time. Stay positive, know that your angels are supporting you, but remember to ask for angelic assistance.

222 offers assurance that things are and will work out for the best when you focus on your desired outcome, stay positive, go with the flow, and continue taking steps in creating your desired result.

The Angel Number 222 is a reminder to keep the faith, to stay focused on what you want rather than what you do not, and to trust that all is well, and everything is working out according to Divine will for the highest and greatest good.

How inspiring!  It was a perfect explanation of my circumstances and my dream of publishing Earth Walkers, and just to back this up when I went back to sleep, I had another very lucid dream, another story that I was to write.  It is called Coffin Crashers and is a romantic adult comedy ficton about two girls who work in a funeral home and gate crash the funerals to find love!  It also enables me to bring in facts about the afterlife and the journey of our soul.  It’s an excellent story.  So perhaps I was being taken onto a new more creative path?  Becoming a writer of fantasy fiction?  Who knew.

The next three weeks brought the most horrific nightmares connected to my past, but miraculously, the dreams started to change.  By the end of this particular part of my spiritual boot camp, healing abuse, including an attack I experienced when I was 7, I found I was taking control of each dream and in the end won over the attacker and my mum’s ex husband.  After a few nights of me being the victor.  The nightmares stopped.

Yes I was indeed being healed finally of this past trauma.  It made me realise that perhaps the shadows in my soul were being erased in order for me to be clear, light and ready for my new spiritual work.

FRIENDSHIP

The morning after the last victorious nightmare, I went down to the front door to let the dogs out.  There on the doorstep was a basket full of food.  There was no note, no clue to who had left it there, it was just full of essentials that I needed.  As I put my arm up to steady myself by the front door, the ladybird was sitting on my arm.  I started to cry, I felt so grateful and most of all loved and thought of.  The food parcels, cooked meals and toiletries were left regularly on the doorstep.  I may not be reaching out, but I was being cared for in a most magical way.  I can honestly say, I would not be where I am now without my friends.

Never underestimate the true power of genuine friendship.  These are the beautiful souls who will be there for the highlights and the shadows.  I have found that my close friends are my family, my soul cluster.  Even though I hadn’t learned it yet, they were and are my lifeline.  Please if you suffer from a chronic illness, reach out to your friends, they are just waiting for you to ask, trust me.  There is no weakness in asking for help, if anything it is a refusal of self love and self care.  I still struggle, but I am getting there!

SUPPORT

I would also like to add, that if you have been the victim of any abuse or trauma, it may still be held in your soul as a shadow, even though you think you may have dealt with it, it could still be affecting your life now.

Please consider counselling if you are open to this type of therapy.  There are many other holistic ways through hypnosis, NLP, healing, CBT etc.

 

Archangel Raphael

Archangel Raphael

Ask Archangel Raphael to help heal your way forward.  It doesn’t have to be a specific prayer, just give him permission to come and help you.  He works on a beautiful green ray of light.  Imagine this colour in your head as you ask him to come and help you.

Archangel Michael, the warrior, is also a good Archangel to call upon, on a radiant blue light he can help you move forward with strength and focus and help cut any ties that bind you to the past.

Archangel Michael

Archangel Michael

 

Generally in the next few days you will get a specific sign from them to say that they had answered your call.  It can be anything to a feather delivered in an unnatural environment, an angel symbol or anything that will hit you as ‘weird’ or a representation of the angel realms!

Don’t allow your past to create your present and your future.  get rid of it once and for all.

 

My tale of the lady bird was a sad one, I found out she needed to be hibernated.  I placed her in a matchbox and put her in the porch but found her dead in the spring.  I was so upset!  But in her death, it almost felt symbolic, like there was a death of part of me which could surely only lead to resurrection…..


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ME Myself and I. My Soul Diaries 5

THE BATTLE OF THE MIND

I awoke the following morning and felt excited looking back on my visit from Julianus and the drum healing.

I decided to get up and get a cup of tea but as soon as I started to lift my head, I felt like I was wearing a suit of armour with my head banging like an incessant drum (pardon the pun!) so I laid back down again.

EVERY morning you get the same quiz show challenge.  It’s called ‘What’s wrong with my body today.’  No matter how happy you feel when you first open your eyes you get a vicious reminder of your chronic condition within minutes. That’s why you can NEVER make plans as you never know what you are going to wake up like. I have lost count of the times I have cancelled things because of my game show existence.

ME with ME

 

img_8271

Invisible disease?

This was a picture of me one morning when I woke up and couldn’t open my eye. It was like a ninja had popped stealthily in during the night and punched me in the face!  I had blurred vision anyway so couldn’t see a thing. I just wanted to show you that this invisible disease isn’t quite so invisible, but we never like to ordinarily display these sort of pictures.  The following morning the bruising and swelling and lack of vision disappeared as if I had imagined the whole thing!

So this particular morning, I had light sensitivity where it felt like the sun was about a centimetre from my face, ringing in my ears, a banging head, every single muscle and joint was singing in pain and I felt like my lungs were too tired to inflate and deflate.  This is when the panic attacks start as you feel you can’t breathe properly.  There are at least 200 symptoms to this condition and I think over the last five years I have experienced every single one of them.  So I nearly sank into my dismal existence of sadness, misery and futility.

But something changed that morning, there was a tiny flicker of hope that could possibly fan into a bigger hungry flame if I let it. So rather than cry or start screaming how unfair it all was, I thought, ‘Sod it, if it’s a DVD day then so be it!’ I found a sort of calm or acceptance of it all.  You will find that chronic illness sufferers have watched every single thing that can be shown on screen. We are like starved animals craving the next meaty morsel on the screen to carry us away from our mundane existence.  We are the best film, TV and show critics in the world as when you are house/bed bound most days, there is simply nothing else to do. Films and box sets become a part of your life.  They provide escapism and a fantasy of living in the life of what you are watching. It’s a great distraction.

Oh come on, there’s nothing like a bit of img_8326indulgence 😉 Daryl helped me through many bad days lol!

 

 

TRICK OF THE MIND

 

I started to see a little bit of clarity.  I started to see that I was the pilot of my own mind, I could plummet into a valley screaming ‘MAYDAY’ or soar into the expanse of a never ending sky.

I remember once Julianus saying to me, ‘You are so tunnel visioned when human! It is simple, no matter what happens on the Earth plain you have two choices, to either walk in the desert, forever uncomfortable starving and thirsty, or you can walk in the oasis in the shade with the delights of thirst and hunger sated and a pool to dive in. Why do you all choose the desert when life gives you a challenge?’

Why walk in the desert?

Why walk in the desert?

 

 

 

 

 

No comparison really is there?

img_8328

 

 

 

 

 

It was then that I realised that as I almost started to get a bit of self pity a past simple observation of human life from Julianus hit me so clearly then and there.  Was I getting back the direct line I had always heard from above?  I hoped so as there is nothing worse than feeling alone with no inner voice guiding and nurturing you.

 

THE FLIGHT OF THE BUMBLE BEE

 

I then started to hear a humming sound and thought with despair that my ears were getting worse! I would like to add at this juncture that the reason I knew my symptoms on that exact day was because I used to keep a chronic illness app and recorded my symptoms daily to try and find a pattern. It proved to be about as useful as a trap door in a canoe for me but I know that it has helped others! The word that comes to mind is UNPREDICTABLE!  There is no logic to what your brain and central nervous system decide to do every morning.  No chart or pattern on an app explained my raging symptoms or how to prevent relapse.  To be honest though, my relapses were permanent.

So this incessant humming grew louder and I raised my weary head up to see what the hell it was.  I tottered around like a 90 year old trying to find the source when I realised that it was a bumble bee caught in the net curtain. I thought this as a bit odd as I certainly hadn’t had the window open, it was February! I also hadn’t heard the bee before that at all.  So I got a bit of paper and gently let the bee out of the window.

Nothing unusual in that you say!

How about the fact that the three following mornings there was a bumble bee again buzzing merrily in my ears that I had to rescue each consecutive day?  Four days in a row! It was only on the fourth day that it twigged.

 

ANIMAL TOTEM

 

Animal totems are something I was introduced to years ago after I had a meditation and one of my other guides Khan (I will introduce him to you another day) kept putting a bear skin over me with the head still intact.  I have to say that when I met him, my heart sank, he was a Native American, ‘Oh good God,’ I thought, ‘Everyone has Native American guides!’ It was later explained to me by Khan, that the Native American race had such a vast population of spiritual light workers in the past and now that of course a lot of us mediums and healers were going to be lumbered with them, how quaint!

Anyway, bear skin, I bloody hated it, but it went on for weeks and weeks.  Then one of my students said to me, ‘He must be making you aware of your current spirit animal totem.’ Bit embarrassing I know I should have known as the tutor, but if you know me, you know I NEVER have and never will read up to learn about spiritual and angelic phenomena.  I get it straight from upstairs and will only read something if I need to understand it more.

So when my student brought an animal totem book in the following week, I raced straight for the bear page and was totally gob smacked. The message that the bear brought was like a personal reading for me.  As soon as I had acknowledged the bear totem, Khan never placed it on me again. It’s a very Native American based phenomena it seems, animal totems are exceptionally important to them.

When an animal or insect repeatedly shows itself to you in an unnatural way, then google it, trust me you will be amazed.

I was never much of a believer in it but when it starts to enter your life all reasonable explanation goes out the window, they literally will stay with you until you get the message! I have had robins follow me home, a sparrow hawk sit on my door handle staring at me, a dragon fly land on my lap and stay there for 20 minutes, butterflies landing on my face and staying there, I could go on and on.  The most recent one was the 5 Feb, the anniversary of my dad’s passing.  I had just realised the date and said out loud, ‘You are a bit lazy dad you normally do something on your anniversary!’ Within a second a buzzard landed on the hedge next to me and just stared right into my soul.

I merely answered ‘Ok that was good, love you!’ I then googled the meaning of a buzzard, it made perfect sense.

Your spirit loved ones can also send animals as a sign from them. From my experience the favourites are butterflies, robins, dragonflies, lady birds or sometimes their favourite animal.  But remember they have to act unnaturally or visit on a certain time regularly or in the most unusual circumstances to be a totem.  Keep a look out!

So back to the bumble bee. This was it’s message:

220px-bumblebee_05

 

‘All bumble bees are productive, they stay focused on whatever they are doing and do not get side tracked.  We are being reminded to slow down, smell the flowers and taste the sweet nectar of life.  If your energy is scattered the bumblebee can show you how to focus once more.’

 

So the message was simple, to start to appreciate the finer things in life and to stay focused on the positive and the way forward.  I will never forget those four bumblebees as they did help me to bring my mind back to positivity when I found myself starting to slip down the treacherous ravine that lead to nothing but a ghostly darkness in it’s merciless pit.

It didn’t always work, sometimes I was beyond grief and despair and would isolate and hibernate, in fact I still do.  I’m doing it right this very minute in fact, I have no energy to speak or communicate with anyone, so I write slowly and surely, until I am too exhausted to type.  But now I don’t feel guilty about it, I need my time alone until I heal and feel strong enough to start communicating again, all of my close friends understand, but there’s one particular one (Nicky!) who gives me a four day pass then demands a reply to make sure I’m ok.  Whether I’m crying, talking gibberish because my brain isn’t working, or just answering in one word answers, she understands.  She is the only one that gets away with it, lol.  I no longer see these dark days as a failure, I respect them as healthy grieving days and a way of exercising my boundaries and needs to regroup, look at my options and heal.

 

So my little bumble bees helped me to see the positive in every little thing, which I never did before, I was far too busy.  Now I sit and watch the birds eating away at their bird table, or I watch the logs burning for hours in the fireplace, breath in the smell of the fields or the view of Glastonbury Tor, or I write, taking myself into my world of fantasy and escapism and of course the world of box sets!  I saw a gift in my illness that I had never appreciated before, the chance to stop, relax and reflect on the past and discover a new me.  Perhaps I was not only being stripped bare of my old life and my material world, I was being stripped bare of everything that was morosely clinging to my spirit like a strangling vine, choking my life force within an inch of it’s life.

 

BOOT CAMP

 

The next year was a revelation and a mountainous trek, I was not prepared for the healing that my soul decided to initiate.  It was like the spiritual boot camp from hell.  I was going to be dragged through every trauma of my life once and for all and have it exorcised.  It took me to the extremities of my mind, body and soul, but as all exorcisms do, the demons were finally starting to pack their bags, steal the towels and check out!

I was also not prepared in any way, that as the tangled threads unwound, how much I could truly experience the pure power of the spirit world and the angel realms.

‘Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn’t learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn’t learn a little, at least we didn’t get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn’t die; so let us all be thankful’

Buddha


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Nicky Alan

ME myself and I. My Soul Diaries 4

THE ARRIVAL OF MIRACLES

Hi everyone,
Wow so far there has been such a huge response to my blog, of that I am overwhelmed and truly thankful! Quite a few of you have suggested that I make my story into a book. It’s already been started a while back. Like EARTH WALKERS I have decided to integrate my experiences with fiction to create THE DARK KNIGHT OF MY SOUL. It will be a chick lit comedy taking the character on a journey similar to mine but I will also be putting in some hilarious anecdotes of my time as a working medium. I don’t want it to be too miserable, so I am writing it with a lot of img_5012humour filled with inspiration, tears and laughter. I’m hoping that you will love it!
In fact I have so many ideas for books normally inspired from dreams that my fingers are going to have to work very hard to catch up!
I would also love to hear your comments, there’s a comment icon above my blog. I would love to hear your experiences especially if you are a chronic illness sufferer or want to share how faith or the heavens have assisted you on your path.

Drum Healing

So where were we? Yes I was on my way rather reluctantly to get some drum healing.
I was morose and in a deep depression and did not want to engage with anyone I met at the healing room. I was not good company. Finally I was summoned to the healing room where I would receive my healing. My friend Martine was not only doing the drum healing but she also handed me a bottle of water that she had infused with her healing energy. Water holds memory and I would literally try anything if it helped me get out of my God forsaken bed.

Deep Healing

The healing was deep, it penetrated my being with each rhythmic beat. It literally took seconds for my desperate soul to be seduced by the drum. I immediately went into a deep trance state, it was euphoric, I wanted to stay there forever. I did not want to come back down to Earth and to my miserable existence.

My mind then went blank, I was aware of the drum beats as they resonate through your whole body quite deliciously but apart from that I was in a no mans land where thought,  feeling and consciousness didn’t exist. I felt free.

Somewhere far away I was aware that the drum beats were slowing their tempo and were quieter, a far away thought was telling me we were coming to an end. I recall it so clearly, I could feel a little panic whispering it’s way back into my mind, I didn’t want to go back to my loneliness and Earth life. As my mind started to come back to the room it then stopped and wouldn’t allow me to awake any further. I must have been in the alpha brain wave state, the state we aim for in meditation. It was then that I saw him. The man who brought balance, unconditional love, discipline, guidance and breath taking humility.

He was my hero,my father, brother, friend, family and everything I could ever need, my soul guide JULIANUS.

I cannot recall if I cried out, I should ask Martine really, to see his beautiful face again after so long was like coming home.

Pain and relief

My Soul cried out in pain and relief, I had not seen him for what seemed an eternity.  Was I forgiven for whatever sins I had created to be going through this hell? Had he come to reprieve or reprimand me?  Mixed emotions were sailing through me, my saviour was here standing right by my side, but for what reason?

I think it prudent at this point to introduce you to Julianus. If you have been one of my students over the years and are reading this then you will smile and know all about him.

When I first became aware of him in my early twenties I had no clue who he was. I used to meditate and go to this little shack on a remote island. There I would see all of my family sitting around a fire in the middle of the shack. This grey haired, heavily stubbled man would be sitting in the corner wearing what appeared to be a brown sack cloth habit with a rope around his waist.  He reminded me a little of the TV character Steptoe!

Honesty, he had a very scruffy appearance and I chose to look at him but then ignore him as I said hello to my Nan and dad!
How awful Nicky! You naughty girl! But he said nothing, he would just smile and stare at me. I couldn’t for the life of me imagine why he was always there for years and years not saying anything.

I now realise that I was in the police then and obviously wasn’t ready to meet him and walk my path alongside him. After being retired from the police it didn’t take long for him to introduce himself!

I was sunbathing in my back garden, it was a glorious summers day and I am a bit of a sun worshipper. My mind was at rest listening to the bird song in the garden, I was totally relaxed and feeling completely calm.

I then suddenly felt exceptionally cold and realised I was in a cave. I could smell the damp moist soil on the cave floor and heard the incessant tap tapping of a water source somewhere nearby, dripping onto the rocks.
I started to try and wake up then, but realised that this was an important meditation as I heard a voice say,

‘It is time that I introduced myself, I am Julianus, I will show you how we met and that I have been responsible for you ever since.’

‘heard a voice’

Now when I say ‘heard a voice’ its a bit different from human hearing.
Sometimes they are discarnate, in the ether, like a proper human voice. The majority for me are in my head. It’s like a loud insistent thought that you know is not your own, I can sense the tone and accent easily. A bit like when I channel through spirit people during readings, or the angel realms. They all have a different energy and power, the angels realms is like a startling command it’s quite amazing.

Well this voice was melodic and velvety with a slight Italian accent. I fell in love with the energy of this strangers voice immediately, I was intoxicated with each word.
So I heard this voice and then the rocks at the entrance of the cave started to drag open. I walked out and found myself in a very hot climate looking out at a beautiful landscape lined with Cypress trees.

I asked,  ‘Where are we?’
He replied, ‘Trastevere, Rome’ (I thought he said travesty at the time!)
‘What is the year?’ I asked.
‘1452’
‘Why am I here?’
‘This is where we shared a life together, your name was Mary.’
I then felt a massive whoosh as if I was lifted into the air and found myself outside a stunning church with white pillars fronting the entrance. I looked up and saw the name of the church ‘ST CECILIAS’.

This man who I then recognised as the man who had been sitting in my shack for years took my hand and said,

‘You were welcomed here in the House of Mary Magdalena in this year.’ I looked into his bright blue eyes and wanted to cry, the care and love that exuded from them was indescribable.

Court Yard

He then took me through to a court yard and lead me through an archway on the left. He pointed to the arch and said,
‘Here I write the word of the lord. My prophecies will remain here intact forever.’ We then came out through the arch and were standing by a tomb, St Cecilia’s tomb.
‘This was your home Mary.’
In  the sun I looked to the crypt and saw the outline of my habit in silhouette form. It had a square shape.
He then said,
‘I have someone for you to meet.’
A man then approached me  with the most beautiful thick wavy hair. His face just represented total serenity and love. He took my hands and said,
‘Mary, I am Nicholas, I preside over you and the men in this space. I am here to protect you.’
He then placed a kiss on my forehead, I could feel the emotion spread through me like an unknown heat. His love was infinite.
He then looked up to the sky and said, ‘Come we must make haste, Ava Mary is upon us!’
He then gently lead me towards the church where I heard the most stunning chanting.

Back in the room

I was then ‘back in the room’ as they say. I was wide awake and crying my eyes out. It was one of the most beautiful things that I had ever experienced in my life.
Once I had blown my nose the next thing, as all ex detectives would have done, was hit the google button. It was a weird experience because every time I tried to google St Cecilia’s I would get to a link but then the computer would go down or the internet was lost. I sensed that perhaps it wasn’t the right time, to be honest I was a little scared that my miracle introduction was just my imagination, I didn’t want to discover that it didn’t exist.  Silly me!
From then on Julianus was a regular visitor. He was quite a sombre man in those days. In trance he came across as very foreboding and took no nonsense. He even used medieval Italian and sometimes Polish words that were recorded and translated into lucid messages. It was simply amazing.
But there came a time when I realised, being a spiritual ambassador wouldn’t just work on my word only, I needed proof that he and I existed, so that I could challenge the sceptics with my evidence. So I decided to get a ticket to Rome. It coincided with my ex partners birthday so it was a dual purpose visit.
I cannot tell you the fear that smashed through me as I got into the taxi and asked the driver ‘Can you take me to St Cecilia’s church, Trastevere’ he just said ‘Si’
My heart was beating out of my mouth as he drove straight into a square and stopped.

St Cecilia’s square

I looked up and let out a gasp mixed with a sob. I was in St Cecilia’s Square and was looking up to the familiar church frontage with the white pillars ‘St Cecilia’ written as bold as anything across the rendering.
I think my ex partner paid the taxi man as I just got out of the taxi in a trance like state crying my eyes out.
I walked through the court yard like a zombie looking at everything I had seen years before in my meditation.
I could see the gated area to my left that I knew lead to St Cecilia’s crypt and the archway that had Julianus’ writing etched into it.
I was so frustrated as the gate was locked.

I then walked into the church and saw a bust of a monk. It was a St Franciscan monk, which I later discovered did a Sabbatical in a cave prior to serving God, that explained the cave then! I then went on to discover that Julianus was here in 1452 and did write words of prophecy in the arch that lead to the house of Mary Magdalena. Women nuns were welcomed into the church here in 1452 where they were allowed to reside with the monks.

It was simply staggering. I was standing in a place that I knew so well, 500 years later!

St Cecilia's Church where I lived in 1452

St Cecilia’s church where I lived in 1452

To say it was overwhelming was an understatement. Now I knew why I was always completely at peace in churches despite not being religious.  I had to have incense burning all of the time aswell.  I just couldn’t stop crying. I also learned that ‘Ava Mary’ was what they called the Ave Maria prayer in that time that was chanted at sunset hence why Nicholas looked up to the sky.
‘Nicholas’ I thought, ‘I now need to find Nicholas,’
Reluctantly I left the church and headed straight for the Vatican.
If you have ever been to the Vatican you will know it’s like a house for giants. It is colossal with thousands of people wondering around everywhere.
Well I knew it like the back of my hand even though I had never been to it in this life. I went straight over to a guide and asked quite impatiently,

‘Where is Pope Nicholas crypt from 1452 please?’
The guide looked into his guide book.
‘No he is not here, signora’
‘Yes he is! Look again’ I said, frustration lacing my words.
‘No signora there is nothing here’
‘Oh don’t worry!’ I said very impatiently.

I then turn around like a woman possessed and walk towards this concrete opening with complete confidence and bounced down the stairs frantically.
The second crypt on the right I threw my body over and sobbed  like a baby.
I had nuns coming up to me asking if I was ok.
I then looked down to his plaque and saw  ‘Pope Nicholas V’. From his details I saw that he did cover the Trastevere diocese during 1452.
I was so amazed and humbled at the same time. Previous incarnations,soul guides and everything I had ever seen since a child was real, this was never a figment of my imagination, I had proved it to myself.
After what seemed a lifetime I reluctantly pulled myself away from his crypt and went back up to the main hallways.
Amazingly the same guide came running towards me.
‘Signora,’ he smiled, ‘My apologies. How did you know of his crypt? It is in no guidebook, but I asked one of the oldest guides here and he told me it was indeed down below in the crypt room!’
I had no words to answer him, I just smiled.
‘You are a special lady, come with me!’
The next thing, he was guiding me towards this small shop in the Vatican.
‘Go buy two phials’
Without questioning him I went into the shop and picked two small bottles. At the till the lady giving me my change looked at the coins and said,
‘This is unusual, I have one of the gold coins that are the popes special currency!’
She was obviously in two minds as to whether it should be given to a member of public.
She made her decision, ‘Well it was obviously meant for you, take it!’
I thanked her enthusiastically, wow one of the Popes special gold coins!
I then gave the two phials to the guide and he spoke in Italian on his radio.
An armed man with an earpiece then arrived and spoke to the guide and then they both looked at me.
He smiled at me and then took the two phials.
I had no idea what was going on.
A little later he returned with the two phials filled with water.
‘This is from the popes private font. Take it with you and use it wisely,’ he smiled.
I couldn’t believe it!
I took the phials and thanked him and the armed guard with so much zest they must have thought that I was a nutter!
How lucky was I?
Incidentally I used that holy water to heal my dogs tumour, but that’s a story for another day!

Me in the vatucan by the entrance to the crypts

Me in the Vatican by the entrance to the crypts

I have asked sceptics, very well known ones in fact, about my story, they either have replied they can’t explain it but its not supernatural (?) or I fell asleep in front of a history programme! What nonsense! We should be investigating it all together, this phenomena, but they are too tunnel minded on  proving us idiots and charlatans to discover the truth!
So back to my beautiful Julianus.
He was standing there looking at me with such love and concern as I was laying on the healing bed. I was aware that the healing drum had stopped. Apparently I raised my arm to quieten the girls as Julianus started to speak. I had no idea that I had done this.
Julianus had his hood up, I have learned over the years that when his hood is up it is a very serious message and he means business.
I heard a feminine voice then say,
‘You are receiving the sacred feminine energy derived

Me at the Vatican, can you see the orbs, one looks like a small angel!

Me at the Vatican, can you see the orbs, one looks like a small angel!

from the North’ I had no clue what this meant but would understand it years later.
Then my darling Julianus spoke. If Heaven had a voice it would be his.
He placed his hand on my shoulder. My shoulder sizzled, popped and bubbled from his touch, my whole body grew huge goosebumps.
‘My darling Nichola, do you honestly think that we would put you through all of this pain for no reason? It has to be done to clear your wrong decisions and to prepare you for your next phase of life and work.’
He then held my face with both hands and kissed both of my cheeks. I felt as if I had been  kissed by fizzy, freezing water.
As I felt his connection I then saw myself in a dark overgrown forest. I was far off of the path I should have been on. In order to get back to my path I had to battle through the overgrowth that I had wondered into, so I knew I had a long journey ahead of me. They had stopped me in my tracks as I was in the wrong state of mind, surrounded by the wrong people and obviously I had a new way to represent them and everything had to be put back on track.
Julianus then showed me PSALM 56:22. It is one of his favourite things to do. He shows me quotes from his bible as a quick way to get a message across.
I made a mental note to google it later.
He then said, ‘The healing you are receiving is like lumps of fuel,’ I then saw him holding lumps of what looked like coal.
‘We are stacking them up within you,but you must not use them before you are completely sated and full. When it is time we shall light the fuel and allow it only to burn very slowly. It will not be lit Nichola until it is properly full. You must cherish and preserve this fuel. April 2016 will be your turn around, be patient. Stop worrying about small issues, people, money. It is all on course.’
He then backed away from me with the most loving smile I have ever seen.
I felt sadness as I watched him disappear.
I opened my eyes that were yet again welling with tears and smiled .
‘He’s back, they are back! They never left me!’ I remember saying.
I had a new vibrancy. Not physically but mentally and spiritually I could feel the strength returning. This was the day that everything began again.
The synchronicity, the signs, the voices, it all returned to me on that poignant day.
I felt blessed and at peace. Finally my soul had been reawakened.

Psalm Julianus

I googled the Psalm Julianus showed me.
‘CAST THY BURDEN UPON THE LORD AND HE SHALL SUSTAIN THEE: HE SHALL NEVER SUFFER THE RIGHTEOUS BE MOVED’
How magnificent.
That night I prayed for the first time in years and knew that every word was being heard!
The following day brought the first signs and synchronicity that were phenomenal and I still had the next miracle to befall me. Believe me, it would change my life forever…..


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The Amethyst Room awaits!

Well hello all,

very busy time this week trying to fit in telephone readings, intimate evenings and packing boxes for my new workplace in Devon and our new beach side home! It’s truly amazing how much stuff there is! I have been grabbing everything I can that contains an amethyst as this will go perfectly in my new Amethyst room at Lupton! Amethyst crystal is my most favourite of all the stones. Funnily enough it is purple! It is a beautiful stone and one of the best healing stones available. It can help you heal from grieving and past situations as well as generally heal parts of your mind body and soul. It is also an excellent stone to help focus your mind in meditation and aids spiritual people and psychic ability. It is also a great stone to be placed by your children’s beds if they have interrupted sleep or may even be witnessing spiritual visitations at night.

I helped a young boy, Ben, in my friend Gaynor’s shop, Miracles and Magic (www.miraclesand magic.co.uk). Since being a baby he has had very troubled sleep and night terrors and visitations, very spiritual boy. He left the shop with a dream catcher an amethyst and another crystal in tow and has not had a bad night since! He drew me a beautiful picture recently to say thank you bless him. An angel and guess what colour the wings were? Purple!! I asked him why he had coloured them purple he said he didn’t know. Very special little boy!

The amethyst is a protective stone for sleeping children and stops their rest being interrupted by spirit family. They can be charged as all crystals in many ways. Over night in the full moon on the window sill, in sunlight, buried in the ground, etc personally for quickness I either run them under water or draw a bath of sea salt an charge them all in that. Or even better in a net into the sea at Devon! Crystals are an invaluable part of your life. They are live pieces of mother nature that contain atoms that resonate energy that have properties to heal and help. Find your local shop and go have a look!

Good news is coming for Essex! I can’t say too much but you will be able to see more of me on a one to one basis and come and ask me any spiritual questions you like. A base is being sorted now so I will have a spiritual workplace in Devon and one in Essex, SO EXCITED!
So my angels, I have more boxes to fill, I then have my last intimate evening in Essex for a while and the next week will be full of meeting up with my lovely friends, picking carpets and getting the Amethyst Room and Seasons Cafe up and running by the beautiful coast. If you are local to South Devon please come and say hello, we can have a coffee, some home made cake and wax lyrical on all things spiritual! Dream boat time!!! But a reality.
Never hold back on your dreams, if you put it out there, it will come to you when the energy is right. Sometimes we just don’t see the wrong energy around us, but when we clear it, your destiny awaits………


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