Dealing with terminal illness

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Dealing with terminal illness

Hello,

I hope that I find you all well.

I know this sounds like a morbid subject but it is a reality that unfortunately hits most of us.  The news that we or a loved one has potentially a terminal illness is something that is catastrophic and feared by all of us.

The reason that I have decided to broach this subject is because it has just happened to me personally and as I was talking to my friend Lynn half an hour ago about her sister battling leukemia, I decided to see if I could bring you some advice on tackling this awful predicament spiritually.

NON BELIEVER

To be honest most of us don’t even want to enter the ‘spiritual’ zone when we are flattened by terrible news but it does help.  Even if you have no belief in angels or the Spirit World, what have you got to lose? I know that we want to blame God and every other higher power for our plight, but where does that truly get us?

My stepdad has just been diagnosed with lung cancer, it is inoperable.  They are going to treat the tumour with radio therapy which will hopefully shrink the evil foreign body.

Initially shock and denial are the first visitors to the equation.  These are the natural reactions to this type of news when grieving is initiated.  After experiencing the initial shock however, I look through the human situation and start to seek out spiritual solace.

SPIRITUAL PATH OF COPING

The first thing that I did was have a conversation with my stepdad.  I spoke to him of my experiences of when I have visited Heaven in meditation.  I spoke of all of the stories that I could think of where spirit people have come through in readings describing their journey from their ailing physical bodies to the freedom and relief of being in Heaven.

The biggest joy was their reunion with their spirit loved ones that they had so sorely missed whilst on the Earth plain.

The sceptical would think that us mediums have created a Utopia to lessen the pain of physical death but this is not the case.  For 26 years the evidence keeps on coming fluidly describing our transition and the afterlife.

I saw my step dad’s face lighten as I described what was to come if he couldn’t fight the illness.  I faced the worst case scenario and discussed it freely and calmly with him.

A lot of my coping mechanism has come from 18 years as a police officer.  My main role was as a detective in the Major Investigation Department as a Family Liaison officer.  I told people that their loved ones had been murdered and sat with them through the whole process witnessing their grieving stages day by day.

I do not fear death and do not fear facing the conversation with a loved one.  It is something you cannot avoid.

ANGELS

The next thing that I did was sit in a calm space on a nearby beach.

I went through all of the Archangels and selected the best ones for me (and you) to invoke during this awful time.

ARCHANGEL MICHAEL – Works on the royal blue ray of light – Michael will give you strength to move forward, protect you from the horror that surrounds you and help you to move on a let go of the stages of grief that will drag behind you week after week.

Archangel Michael

ARCHANGEL AZRAEL – works on a creamy white ray of light – He will bring peace and calm to you, your family and the loved one who is poorly.  He helps to bring comfort during the final hours and will work with Archangel Gabriel to bring loved ones down from the spirit world to sit with your loved one who is passing.

ARCHANGEL RAPHAEL – works on a bright green ray of light – The patriarch of healing amongst the angel hierarchy.  He will ease the physical, spiritual and emotional pain of your suffering and of your poorly loved one.

INVOCATION

It is exceptionally simple to invoke angel energy.  Just sit in a calm quiet space and say something to the effect of:

Archangel Azrael I give you permission to enter my life and I please ask you to surround myself and my loved ones as we go through the process of ………. illness and please sit by their side during this time

It is that simple.

CRYSTALS

The ultimate crystal I will always use during times of grieving is the Amethyst.  It is purple in colour and helps us grieve and move forward.

Rose Quartz will also filter negative energy into pure positive energy.

Laboradite is also an excellent crystal for protecting your vulnerable energy during this awful time and mirroring anyone’s intentions that are brought to you.

SELF LOVE

To help your mind and body think of getting spiritual healing, Reiki or even a pamper at a local spa.  Try to keep yourself as calm and as centred as possible. Archangel Chamuel also helps to promote self love and healing.

Meditation will help, but you don’t just need to sit in the lotus position!  Sitting by the sea, gardening, walking the dog are all forms of meditation. Get yourself out in nature to clear your mind and soul.

If you are up to it, visit your local spiritualist centre who will help you in any way they can  to ease your pain.

FINAL ADVICE

Do not under any circumstances visit a medium to help your grieving.  You have to naturally go through the process or even aid it by counselling.  I have had many people in the past desperately try to keep their loved ones alive through mediums.  The danger is you will never grieve properly and your vulnerability could lead you to mediums who are not recommended and could damage you further.

There are many support structures in place, the most common voluntary grief support being CRUSE.  There are also many forums on Facebook.  Google is your tool here!  Please don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for help.  Sometimes relaying your pain to a stranger is unusually easier than with a friend or family member.

Although it is tempting, by taking any mood altering drug or substance such as alcohol will delay your grieving and stop your healing process in it’s tracks.  Try to face this journey full on as it will be over quicker than numbing your pain.

When the time is right, you will either be faced with the opportunity of a reading or will be guided by your loved one after they have passed.  Be patient!

ENDURING THE PAIN

NOTHING can appease your pain and hurt.  No one can imagine how you are feeling.  It is a long daunting path, but you will eventually get there.  With these little bits of advice, the path may be a bit smoother.

If you are going through this now, whether you are the person with the illness or are going through it with a loved one, please do not think that you are alone.  Seek solace in the knowledge that there is another dimension that you will transition to where your pain and suffering will become a distant memory.

I wish you love, strength and hope during this awful time.

I explore this subject further in my book which will be out soon HEAVEN CALLING.  For the time being though I truly hope this helps.

Lots of love

Nicky xxxxx

 

 

 


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ME Myself and I. My Soul Diaries 5

THE BATTLE OF THE MIND

I awoke the following morning and felt excited looking back on my visit from Julianus and the drum healing.

I decided to get up and get a cup of tea but as soon as I started to lift my head, I felt like I was wearing a suit of armour with my head banging like an incessant drum (pardon the pun!) so I laid back down again.

EVERY morning you get the same quiz show challenge.  It’s called ‘What’s wrong with my body today.’  No matter how happy you feel when you first open your eyes you get a vicious reminder of your chronic condition within minutes. That’s why you can NEVER make plans as you never know what you are going to wake up like. I have lost count of the times I have cancelled things because of my game show existence.

ME with ME

 

img_8271

Invisible disease?

This was a picture of me one morning when I woke up and couldn’t open my eye. It was like a ninja had popped stealthily in during the night and punched me in the face!  I had blurred vision anyway so couldn’t see a thing. I just wanted to show you that this invisible disease isn’t quite so invisible, but we never like to ordinarily display these sort of pictures.  The following morning the bruising and swelling and lack of vision disappeared as if I had imagined the whole thing!

So this particular morning, I had light sensitivity where it felt like the sun was about a centimetre from my face, ringing in my ears, a banging head, every single muscle and joint was singing in pain and I felt like my lungs were too tired to inflate and deflate.  This is when the panic attacks start as you feel you can’t breathe properly.  There are at least 200 symptoms to this condition and I think over the last five years I have experienced every single one of them.  So I nearly sank into my dismal existence of sadness, misery and futility.

But something changed that morning, there was a tiny flicker of hope that could possibly fan into a bigger hungry flame if I let it. So rather than cry or start screaming how unfair it all was, I thought, ‘Sod it, if it’s a DVD day then so be it!’ I found a sort of calm or acceptance of it all.  You will find that chronic illness sufferers have watched every single thing that can be shown on screen. We are like starved animals craving the next meaty morsel on the screen to carry us away from our mundane existence.  We are the best film, TV and show critics in the world as when you are house/bed bound most days, there is simply nothing else to do. Films and box sets become a part of your life.  They provide escapism and a fantasy of living in the life of what you are watching. It’s a great distraction.

Oh come on, there’s nothing like a bit of img_8326indulgence 😉 Daryl helped me through many bad days lol!

 

 

TRICK OF THE MIND

 

I started to see a little bit of clarity.  I started to see that I was the pilot of my own mind, I could plummet into a valley screaming ‘MAYDAY’ or soar into the expanse of a never ending sky.

I remember once Julianus saying to me, ‘You are so tunnel visioned when human! It is simple, no matter what happens on the Earth plain you have two choices, to either walk in the desert, forever uncomfortable starving and thirsty, or you can walk in the oasis in the shade with the delights of thirst and hunger sated and a pool to dive in. Why do you all choose the desert when life gives you a challenge?’

Why walk in the desert?

Why walk in the desert?

 

 

 

 

 

No comparison really is there?

img_8328

 

 

 

 

 

It was then that I realised that as I almost started to get a bit of self pity a past simple observation of human life from Julianus hit me so clearly then and there.  Was I getting back the direct line I had always heard from above?  I hoped so as there is nothing worse than feeling alone with no inner voice guiding and nurturing you.

 

THE FLIGHT OF THE BUMBLE BEE

 

I then started to hear a humming sound and thought with despair that my ears were getting worse! I would like to add at this juncture that the reason I knew my symptoms on that exact day was because I used to keep a chronic illness app and recorded my symptoms daily to try and find a pattern. It proved to be about as useful as a trap door in a canoe for me but I know that it has helped others! The word that comes to mind is UNPREDICTABLE!  There is no logic to what your brain and central nervous system decide to do every morning.  No chart or pattern on an app explained my raging symptoms or how to prevent relapse.  To be honest though, my relapses were permanent.

So this incessant humming grew louder and I raised my weary head up to see what the hell it was.  I tottered around like a 90 year old trying to find the source when I realised that it was a bumble bee caught in the net curtain. I thought this as a bit odd as I certainly hadn’t had the window open, it was February! I also hadn’t heard the bee before that at all.  So I got a bit of paper and gently let the bee out of the window.

Nothing unusual in that you say!

How about the fact that the three following mornings there was a bumble bee again buzzing merrily in my ears that I had to rescue each consecutive day?  Four days in a row! It was only on the fourth day that it twigged.

 

ANIMAL TOTEM

 

Animal totems are something I was introduced to years ago after I had a meditation and one of my other guides Khan (I will introduce him to you another day) kept putting a bear skin over me with the head still intact.  I have to say that when I met him, my heart sank, he was a Native American, ‘Oh good God,’ I thought, ‘Everyone has Native American guides!’ It was later explained to me by Khan, that the Native American race had such a vast population of spiritual light workers in the past and now that of course a lot of us mediums and healers were going to be lumbered with them, how quaint!

Anyway, bear skin, I bloody hated it, but it went on for weeks and weeks.  Then one of my students said to me, ‘He must be making you aware of your current spirit animal totem.’ Bit embarrassing I know I should have known as the tutor, but if you know me, you know I NEVER have and never will read up to learn about spiritual and angelic phenomena.  I get it straight from upstairs and will only read something if I need to understand it more.

So when my student brought an animal totem book in the following week, I raced straight for the bear page and was totally gob smacked. The message that the bear brought was like a personal reading for me.  As soon as I had acknowledged the bear totem, Khan never placed it on me again. It’s a very Native American based phenomena it seems, animal totems are exceptionally important to them.

When an animal or insect repeatedly shows itself to you in an unnatural way, then google it, trust me you will be amazed.

I was never much of a believer in it but when it starts to enter your life all reasonable explanation goes out the window, they literally will stay with you until you get the message! I have had robins follow me home, a sparrow hawk sit on my door handle staring at me, a dragon fly land on my lap and stay there for 20 minutes, butterflies landing on my face and staying there, I could go on and on.  The most recent one was the 5 Feb, the anniversary of my dad’s passing.  I had just realised the date and said out loud, ‘You are a bit lazy dad you normally do something on your anniversary!’ Within a second a buzzard landed on the hedge next to me and just stared right into my soul.

I merely answered ‘Ok that was good, love you!’ I then googled the meaning of a buzzard, it made perfect sense.

Your spirit loved ones can also send animals as a sign from them. From my experience the favourites are butterflies, robins, dragonflies, lady birds or sometimes their favourite animal.  But remember they have to act unnaturally or visit on a certain time regularly or in the most unusual circumstances to be a totem.  Keep a look out!

So back to the bumble bee. This was it’s message:

220px-bumblebee_05

 

‘All bumble bees are productive, they stay focused on whatever they are doing and do not get side tracked.  We are being reminded to slow down, smell the flowers and taste the sweet nectar of life.  If your energy is scattered the bumblebee can show you how to focus once more.’

 

So the message was simple, to start to appreciate the finer things in life and to stay focused on the positive and the way forward.  I will never forget those four bumblebees as they did help me to bring my mind back to positivity when I found myself starting to slip down the treacherous ravine that lead to nothing but a ghostly darkness in it’s merciless pit.

It didn’t always work, sometimes I was beyond grief and despair and would isolate and hibernate, in fact I still do.  I’m doing it right this very minute in fact, I have no energy to speak or communicate with anyone, so I write slowly and surely, until I am too exhausted to type.  But now I don’t feel guilty about it, I need my time alone until I heal and feel strong enough to start communicating again, all of my close friends understand, but there’s one particular one (Nicky!) who gives me a four day pass then demands a reply to make sure I’m ok.  Whether I’m crying, talking gibberish because my brain isn’t working, or just answering in one word answers, she understands.  She is the only one that gets away with it, lol.  I no longer see these dark days as a failure, I respect them as healthy grieving days and a way of exercising my boundaries and needs to regroup, look at my options and heal.

 

So my little bumble bees helped me to see the positive in every little thing, which I never did before, I was far too busy.  Now I sit and watch the birds eating away at their bird table, or I watch the logs burning for hours in the fireplace, breath in the smell of the fields or the view of Glastonbury Tor, or I write, taking myself into my world of fantasy and escapism and of course the world of box sets!  I saw a gift in my illness that I had never appreciated before, the chance to stop, relax and reflect on the past and discover a new me.  Perhaps I was not only being stripped bare of my old life and my material world, I was being stripped bare of everything that was morosely clinging to my spirit like a strangling vine, choking my life force within an inch of it’s life.

 

BOOT CAMP

 

The next year was a revelation and a mountainous trek, I was not prepared for the healing that my soul decided to initiate.  It was like the spiritual boot camp from hell.  I was going to be dragged through every trauma of my life once and for all and have it exorcised.  It took me to the extremities of my mind, body and soul, but as all exorcisms do, the demons were finally starting to pack their bags, steal the towels and check out!

I was also not prepared in any way, that as the tangled threads unwound, how much I could truly experience the pure power of the spirit world and the angel realms.

‘Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn’t learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn’t learn a little, at least we didn’t get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn’t die; so let us all be thankful’

Buddha


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