Don’t go hating!

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Don’t go hating!

HEARTBREAK AND HURT

Have you ever woken up and the first thing on your mind is the delicious fantasy of the demise of the person who has hurt you?  In fact scrap the first morning thought, every waking second when your mind has nothing else to think about it but that person?  The one you wish still lived in an era where they could be hung, drawn and quartered?

Yes we have all been there.

People hurting us in whatever way draws the soul into a gut wrenching tirade of self loathing for being taken in by that person, absolute heart break, awareness of self vulnerability, uncontrollable grieving, anger and a teeth clinching hatred that that person can still walk around breathing, laughing and moving on.

Head explosive anger!

Head explosive anger!

THOUGHT PATTERNS

When we can in a quiet moment we almost relish in the fact that we can think out the most avenging things for the villain in our story. We should really curl up on the sofa with a bar of chocolate, glass of wine and  a roaring fire to plot our revenge as we put so much effort into it, so why not add some nice accessories during the raging thoughts of destruction and ultimate  hate?

When we are in the rawness of human hurt, we don’t even begin to look outside ourselves to see what is really happening.  We are far too busy thinking out the next witty sarcastic remark to add to their Facebook page! As we cry our hearts out, eating Ben and Jerry’s listening to ‘All by myself’ (yes I stole that from Bridget Jones!) are we really doing ourselves a justice?

In a way yes, we all have to grieve what has been done to us.  If the grief is too overwhelming then perhaps we need outside help.  Either through psychotherapy or counselling.

But let us just for one minute think about the words that surround this hateful time .  Words that we have surrounded ourselves in, that our soul is absorbing and what we are stating to the Universe.

Hate, anger, sadness, loathing, agony, pain, heartache, vitriol, bitterness, jealousy, injustice, unfairness, humiliation, vulnerability, rage, frustration, angst, stress, anxiety, sickness, depression.  I could go on and on.

If I was playing a word game and had to guess the link between all of these words here I would say ‘hell’.

Yes a living hell.  So why bathe in hell?  Why put ourselves through more physical and mental pain by hanging onto it all?

“BECAUSE THEY DID THIS TO ME!”

Yes fair point, but why do we then keep ourselves in their energy for the foreseeable future?  It’s a done deed.  Why do we dwell in the darkened chasms of their ill will or bad behaviour for as long as we do?

Ask yourself, why?

You have two choices.  Live in their wake for as long as you choose to or look at this situation, honour it, feel it, then move on and let the Laws of the Universe do the rest.

“Yeah right Karma, as if that works!”

Karma isn’t revenge.  Karma is the natural consequence of your thoughts and actions.

If they live in a dishonest, selfish and hateful existence how can they surely escape their own actions?

The simple answer is they can’t.

So if you stay in their energy hating them and loathing them you are placing yourself in their boat, in their filthy pond attracting the other scum in other boats in the same pond.

What if you got off of the boat, waded to shore and dipped into the neighbouring cool fresh ocean filled with freedom, encountering new boats that are enjoying the crystalline waters of tranquillity and happiness?

Its stubborn pride that keeps us in that limited dark dank pond.

 

Get off that boat!

Get off that boat!

It is a fact that our thought patterns lead to an emotion that then leads to behaviour.  If we don’t catch it and kill it (Yes stole that from Bear Grylls!) then we remain in a never ending circle of negative feelings and emotions.  We have been through enough, so why put ourselves through any more pain.  YOU are the captain of your ship, so it’s up to you to decide if you want to stay in the shark infested pond or sail into the horizon in your newly found sparkling ocean.

GET THE ITINERARY FOR YOUR MAIDEN VOYAGE

There is nothing I loathe more than people who give you advice or you read about  people who give you facts and haven’t been through it themselves.  That’s why I always write on subjects that I have experienced and what I have done on a mindful and spiritual path to lose the pain.

I recently got exceptionally hurt by someone and felt mortified that I had been exposed to it (I write about it in my next column Diary of a Psychic!).  I nearly went down the same route I always do.  The road aptly named ‘Self Pity’ leading to the junction of ‘hate’ ending at the ‘revenge’ motorway.

Yes I spurted out some pretty hateful words on the first couple of days and was spitting flames, but then I checked myself and started to look at ways to move on from this madness.  By me continually raging, I was still on day one of the hurt and not moving anywhere fast!

So the first thing I did was call upon Archangel Raguel. He deals with all relationship battles and hardships in your life and will not stop until your harmony is restored.  He can also assists in legal battles and finding justice.

Archangel of justice, harmony, balance and vengeance

Archangel of justice, harmony, balance and vengeance

It does not matter if you do not believe in angels.  What have you got to lose?  They will answer whether you believe in them or not.

You have to invoke angels, they need permission to enter your lives.

It’s very simple to invoke them.  I just said,  “Archangel Raguel I give you permission to come into my life and deal with this situation as you see fit and take the pain of this away from me.” There, done.

Archangel Raguel works on a pale blue light ray, so when you ask him to come and help imagine a big pale blue ball of light as you ask.

Trust me it works.

I then made sure I did something EVERY DAY that was for me and my indulgence. Basically a ‘self love’ exercise.

I am somewhat limited to movement so did self healing in meditation,  but for the sprightly person I would always recommend healing.  Either at a local spiritualist centre or a local recommended Reiki practitioner.

My friend Ian’s website thespiritguides.co.uk holds the best comprehensive directory of healing services near you.

The next thing is to get all of your thoughts and emotions out.  For the more physical people, go run and scream out somewhere isolated.  Scream to the top of your lungs until you can’t scream any more. Go punch something (Preferably a punch bag, not the villain in this piece!) go and play sport.  exhaust yourself of the emotion burdening you.

If you prefer a more cadenced approach write out your feelings in a journal (my students know I love a journal!)  keep writing until you get bored of writing about the same thing.  I also ask a family member in spirit within the words to also help me out.  This means that you have exhausted all of the negative thought patterns in your mind and soul through your writing.  It is very cathartic and it will surprise you how much you end up writing.

Whether you are in a field like a crazed lunatic or writing your woes out in a journal also state your INTENT.  Where you want to be in six months time.  The Universe needs to understand the problem, how you want to move from it and what you want at the end of it. (Don’t say ‘agony for that rat!’  It’s all about you remember!).

CRYSTALS

Sunstone is the ultimate crystal for this situation.

Self empowerment stone

Self empowerment stone

Sun stone gives you self empowerment, vitality and cleanses you from the negative actions of other people.  It is also excellent for strength and courage say in an interview (or court hearings if you are divorcing them!)  Have it as jewellery, in your pocket, or ladies in your bra, that’s where I keep mine.  Don’t forget to charge them  I will be doing a blog on crystal care another time.

If the villain is still in your life, i.e a difficult boss, awful neighbour or negative colleague then get yourself a Laboradite.  This is the best protection from other peoples intentions that you can get.  It mirrors their energy and protects your auric field at the same time.  Plus it is absolutely lush to look at.  When I know I need it, I wear it as a pendant and smile inside knowing that every intention coming out of that fickle person is being reflected right back into their soul! Love it!

full on protection

full on protection

Again you may not even have faith in crystals but they do work.  They resonate with our meridians to create an energy that works in it’s own unique way.

There are many crystals that can help but these two have appeared in my mind for this input so I will go with it.

After you have dealt with this situation and person for a while, the next natural step is to move on.  This is where the daddy of the Archangels needs to rock up, sweep you off of you feet, cut any ties that bind you to that person and sail you off into the sunset not giving them a second thought!

Cut those ties that bind you

Cut those ties that bind you

ARCHANGEL MICHAEL

He works on a royal blue ray of colour.  Do the same, ask him to come to your aid to give you the strength to move on and live your life to the full.  Usually you will get a sign that the angels have heard within a couple of days after the invocation.  It could be a white feather apported in an unusual place, an angel symbol in an unusual place or any personal synchronicity that makes you think, “Wow, that’s my sign to say I have been heard!”  Don’t forget to look out for angel numerology.  Any numbers of three or the number three in them.

I know it hurts.  I know it is exceptionally hard, but there is one more thing you must do to break the energy connection between you and the baddie.!  You are going to resent this and it will sting but it is the only thing that works.

Love over hate is a stronger more tangible energy.  It empowers you and sends a beacon of light out into the Universe that you now embrace and attract love.

You must send love to the baddie.

Yes I know, impossible right?

I send pink hearts to them and then move on with my day.  It takes a lot to get to this stage but when you do do it, it feels empowering.

By doing this, you are streets above their pathetic behaviour.  You are moving on loving and valuing yourself and your self worth.

Leave them in their pond and to their own karma.

It works if you work it.  It’s up to you.

Crystalline turquoise waters, or a dark dank pond?

Send that love.  The Universe will love you for it xx

All you need is love

All you need is love

Good luck, own that Love!

Until next time

Nicky xx

 

 

 

 


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THE POWER OF ANIMAL TOTEMS

Hi all,

CHANGE OF PACE

As you most probably saw on Facebook, I have decided to put my soul diaries in book format  as so many of you have emailed and messaged me with this idea.  So I have taken it on board and then realised if I carried on blogging about it there would be spoilers to the book! Lol.

So I had a little meditation on the subject and I was told to just address spiritual matter that would assist you in your daily lives.

I would also love to answer any questions you may have through the comments section on this page.  But remember you have to subscribe first!

So ask away! I am all yours!

Here to help!

Here to help!

BABY TOAD

I was wondering what to start this new blog on and within a few seconds I noticed something in the corner of my eye.  Right by my bedroom door was this little fellow.  He sat there for about 40 minutes.  When I asked, “Are you an animal totem?” He hopped off!

My lil animal totem

My lil animal totem

So I took it as a yes!  He was also sitting next to a feather, all be it not a white fluffy one that angels bring, but still a cute little feather!

Now the strangest thing is, before I noticed him, I was not only thinking on my blog I was having a bit of a crisis.

For those of you that know me and have been reading my blog I am suffering chronic illness .  The only way for me to focus on goals and still help human kind at the moment is through my writing.

I can get upset sometimes that I can not currently tour and visit people in person so writing to me is so very important. Plus I can do it in my pj’s!

BRAIN EXPLOSION!

I have been getting the expected ‘no’s from agents for my paranormal fiction book EARTH WALKERS and was feeling a little jaded and my self confidence took a little tumble down self esteem lane! I have only queried it 15 times so I really need to be patient!  But, I am the sort of person that then jumps about looking for another solution.  So I have decided to write non fiction books aswell using my vast esoteric knowledge.

So…… when I am thinking, should I carry on with fiction? Should I concentrate more on non fiction?  Do people care what I write about? Am I wasting my time? Shall I just stay in bed and forget the whole thing?  My guides must have thought, “Oh God she is having yet  another brain explosion, best send her a sign!”  (Feel so sorry for them, I wonder if they have Valium up there?)

Yep, hair pulling time!

Yep, hair pulling time!

 

So they then send a  baby toad!  Don’t ask me how they do it!  You may as well ask me one on rocket science!  I  have witnessed over the years so many times weird behaviour and oddly timed creatures in my path right at the magic time that I need them.

So after my little crisis and watching my warty little visitor I google ‘Toad animal totem’

Wow here was the answer:

If a toad totem has recently entered your life, consider the following points:

Are you going through an important transition in your life? Toad spirit symbolizes transitional phases of one’s life because of their own unique growing phases: the egg, the tadpole, and finally, the toad. Maybe you’re going through a big life change, in spirit or in reality, and frog totem has entered your life to remind you that change is a natural and positive part of life.

CHANGING FROM A WORKING PSYCHIC MEDIUM TO A WORKING PSYCHIC WRITER HAS DAUNTED ME SO MUCH SO THIS IS SPOT ON.  I AM ALSO BEING SHOWN MUCH DEEPER PHILOSOPHY AND UNIVERSAL UNDERSTANDING.

Are you bogged down or bored with your day to day activities? If you’ve gotten too comfortable in your day to day life, frog spirit may be here to remind you to clear out your “muddy waters” and rejuvenate your spirit by doing things that bring you passion

TOTALLY TRUE I AM BED BOUND MOST DAYS WHICH CAN SOMETIMES LEAD TO NEGATIVITY IF I LET IT. WRITING DOES REJUVENATE ME ALONG WITH THE PRISM COURSES AND MEDITATION I DO.  SO THIS IS OBVIOUSLY SAYING KEEP ON GOING!

Are you having trouble committing yourself to one single goal?  HAHA! A BIG FAT GLOOPY RESOUNDING  YES!

Frogs and toads alike enjoy leaping from place to place, and if you feel particularly drawn to one of these amphibians, you may tend to be a totem person that leaps from one thing to another as well. You might need to take some time to decide what your goals are and assess if you are taking the proper steps to get there.

QUESTION ANSWERED.  SIT BACK, TAKE STOCK AND DO ONE THING AT A TIME!

See? That’s how it works.  You have most probably worked out that I am not an airy fairy psychic.  I am grounded, I am an open minded sceptic and do question everything.  So I don’t think every time I see an animal in my garden it is a totem.    But when you whisper to a toad when it has sat there for 40 minutes “Are you an animal totem?” and within seconds it hops off, that’s pretty weirdy!

I have had it happen so many times with dragonflies, robins, birds, butterflies and deer to name but a few.  Robins and butterflies are by far the most common though.  They are very popular with your loved ones for sending a message to you to say that they are OK.  This will also occur at special times, i.e anniversaries, relevant dates or if you have asked for a sign.

PROPHECY

I even had a prophetic totem visitation.  My ex brother in law came through and told me at his funeral he would send the butterfly indoors as a sign from him.

At the wake I was sitting in the lounge and a butterfly came in through the conservatory and landed on my shoulder and sat there!

ACTING UNNATURALLY?

So if you are looking at a creature that is acting weird or turns up at a certain time every day or is perhaps a loved ones favourite pet that keeps rocking up in your garden (Not the actual one of course!), take note!

You may also be dreaming of the same animal regularly or seeing one in a meditation.  However they wish to be brought to you take note of this old ancient Native American Phenomena and google that animal!

We are continually being brought signs and synchronicity from our loved ones, guides, guardian angels and Archangels, but we choose to ignore them, doubt them or plain old poo poo them!

Poor loves! It must be like playing Give us a Clue or Catchphrase under an invisibility cloak!

Hello? Can you see me?

Hello? Can you see me?

I get so many emails and messages from people that need help and can’t seem to see a way forward.  If we just stop, open our hearts, eyes and ears and live in the present with a bit more calm then we will begin to notice and pick up on the fact that we are being guided more than we realise.

So look out for the animals!

Look forward to any questions you have, have a good week xxxxx


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NEWS JUST IN! ONLINE SPIRITUAL DEVELOPMENT COURSE WITH NICKY ALAN!

Become the light that you have always been!

Become the light that you have always been!

***COMING SOON! ONLINE SPIRITUAL DEVELOPMENT & EMPOWERMENT COURSE WITH NICKY ALAN – PRISM LIVING***

Do you feel underwhelmed with life? Do you get bouts of depression and a feeling of total uselessness? Are you surrounded by people that bring you down or drain you? Do you hate your job or where your life is going? Always trying to diet or go to the gym but never quite manage after week one? Are you drained of energy? Are you sick of being in a rut? Do you have bad sleep patterns and can’t shut your stressed brain off? Do you find you just get one bad thing happen after the other? Do you want to try and establish a spiritual relationship with your loved ones in spirit? Are you interested in The angel realms and how they can help you? Feel you have psychic ability but don’t know what to do with it?

Well then this is the course for you!

You will receive a seven week online course in every aspect of how to improve your life spiritually on a daily basis and how to gain that all important feeling that you are not alone no matter what life brings and the tools to enable it! You will be sent weekly sessions filled with exercises and advice on how to get the best out of life and the Universal energy!

 

To prebook please email me at nicky.alan@btinternet.com. When the course commences, a payment method will be available on the merchandise page at www.nickyalan.co.uk

BOOK USING THE LINK BELOW AND FOLLOW THE PROMPTS

Seven week course costs £45. I will be available to answer any questions via email throughout the course. If I can’t get to you physically I can reach out with technology!
Look forward to working with you! 😀
Nicky xx

MANDATORY DISCLAIMER
You have paid to take part in a workshop which is in the nature of an experimental educational programme; no claims are made and results cannot be guaranteed. You may experience things which you may not have experienced before. If any of you feel you may be vulnerable you should not partake in the course and seek medical advice or counselling.
The participant certifies that he/she is not aware of any medical or psychiatric condition which might affect his/her interpretation of the workshop and that he/she is voluntarily seeking these services for him herself and assumes full responsibility for the outcome.


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Me Myself and I. My Soul diaries 13.

SURRENDER IS THE KEY, DENIAL IS YOUR PRISON

The visit of that lovely spirit lady raised my vibration in a big way.  It gave me impetus to start looking at my life and make some pivotal decisions.  I needed to start facing reality and realise that this was my new life.  It was nothing like my old life but I started thinking that I needed to reach out for help.  I needed to find ways to help myself and set goals that were reasonable and manageable with my condition.  I was starting to pull away the threads of denial.  I was disabled, in need of serious support and I needed to own the reality of being a sufferer of a chronic condition that was not going to go away any time soon.

Time to set sail away from this space

Time to set sail away from this space

The first thing that I did was change my GP.  It was one of the best decisions ever.  My new doctor was very empathic and completely understanding of ME and fibro sufferers.  He was open to any treatments and exceptionally supportive.  He even allowed me to phone him whenever I wished as he knew I couldn’t get to the surgery easily.  The next thing I did was call the local community care team who were brilliant.  They provided me with equipment that assisted bathing and every day things that I couldn’t manage.  My carer would regularly visit and help me with absolutely anything I needed, even if it was just a therapeutic chat.  These two phone calls took a long time to do, as I found coping with change and reaching out into the world very difficult but was so pleased with myself when I did.  I also got a cleaner as I couldn’t risk using my energy up cleaning. I arranged a massage therapist to visit my home when I was up to it to soothe my agonised muscles. I arranged a dog walker.  It was an absolute joy to watch Teddy and Mia sit at the gate waiting for the dog walker to arrive.  It was like they had a sixth sense.  They knew the days he was coming along with three other fur babies and would sit patiently listening out for his car.

BABY STEPS LEAD TO GIANT CHANGE

I felt strengthened by these tiny little steps.  I would always recommend tiny goals to set yourself that are MANAGEABLE, even if just one gets ticked off in a week, it’s a step in the right direction.

Out on their walks

Out on their walks

Walkies!

Walkies!

The next thing I set myself to do was reach out and find forums that had members coping with chronic illness.  It was one of the best things I did.  On Facebook I met a beautiful group, The Barmy girls who were from all over the world.  We don’t sit wailing and moaning, we cheer each other up and support each other.  So during my lonely nights there was always someone to talk to.  There are many support forums on Facebook for chronic illness sufferers, I cannot recommend them enough.  You also get fabulous advice and suggestions from hollistic remedies to updates on new drugs that are out.  I love those girls so much and what also helps is that they totally understand everything I am going through.  The most heart breaking thing is people not understanding your condition and making judgement.  I then started to reach out and tell me friends that I needed help.  Very slowly my ‘coping’ armour was taken off piece by piece.  When I couldn’t feed myself or cope, rather than starve or just eat biscuits I went and stayed at my friends’ Leigh Ann and Lynn’s house.  I allowed myself to be weak and frail, I allowed them to bring me cups of tea and lunch.  It felt alien but God I felt so much better admitting to people I had a debilitating condition that I couldn’t manage alone.  I changed my eating habits and did every diet that was recommended, but to be honest I felt no benefits from any of them but I still take the following health supplements:

Coenzyme Q10, Ubiquinol (Highest strength you can get), Vitamin D, Busy B’s, Cod Liver Oil, Glucasamine Sulphate (Has to be with Chondroitin), Magnesium (an absolute must!) and K2 which helps distribute the magnesium into your body.

ESSENTIAL OILS ARE ESSENTIAL!

I also find Epsom salt baths fantastic.  Put about four scoops in and to help your body even more, drop five to nine drops of essential oils into the last scoop.  I always use Lavender oil for pain relief and anti inflammatory as well as Bergamot which is a natural antidepressant.  In fact I burn essential oils all day and every day.  I studied the ones that particularly help my symptoms and they also make the house smell lush!

My friend also found this for me.  It is a very soothing oil mixture to rub on the most painful parts of your body.

DILUTE THE FOLLOWING INTO 30 ml OF OIL (ALMOND/VEGETABLE/CARRIER OIL)

5 DROPS THYME

10 DROPS ROSEMARY

5 DROPS CYPRESS

10 DROPS EUCALYPTUS

10 DROPS PEPPERMINT

Here’s a link to get you started on your path to the magic of essential oils   oils https://draxe.com/essential-oils-guide/

YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT

I also do juicing when I am feeling up to it for breakfast in my Nutribullet (another tip from my Facebook friends, thanks Paula!).  The most important things to add to your fruit/veg juice is nutmeg, cinnamon, turmeric, ginger.  These  all  have anti inflammatory and pain relief qualities.  I had indigestion and tummy problems for three years until one of my friends on my forum recommended fresh ginger.  My discomfort was gone within hours.  I also don’t drink alcohol and drink water like it is coming out of my ears.  I also have a thirst for Earl Grey tea.  I later found it was made from Bergamot, an anti depressant, so my body was telling me what it wanted.  The good thing about this new brain/ body is that you become so in sync with your body that your intuition tells you what you need.  I have never listened to my body and mind so much in all of my life.  It does cry out for sugar a lot, so even though it is bad I answer it’s call.  If there’s something it doesn’t want it’s normal rejected straight away!  I like things now that I never did before my illness like chocolate, coffee, green tea, ginger, but on the flip side things I adored do not agree with me anymore i.e wine, southern fried chicken, normal tea, strong spices.

THE EPIPHANY

Amazingly through this process I came to a striking revelation.  All of the advice I had doled out to thousands of people as a police officer and medium, I was now doing it for myself.  I had never thought to love and care for myself before.  I had never meditated every day or stopped and appreciated living in the moment.  I had never spoken to or lived such a spiritual existence.  The thorny vines of this illness curse were actually starting to bloom small flowers of positivity.

LISTEN TO YOUR BODY!  It has crashed for a reason, it is up to you to find out what it needs.  But remember we are all different and some things work better than others. Depression hits like a steam train with no warning.  All GP’s will prescribe you with some form of anti depressant.  They have found that apparently it helps with the nerve pain.  It will usually be something like prozac, fluoxetine or duloxetine.  I was not happy being prescribed with these drugs but I had no choice.  Be open to anything that will help you.

A HAPPY MIND MAKES A HAPPY BUNNY

But, there is one thing that will be the biggest battle of your life.  Your mindset.  I still struggle now but have improved a hundred fold in the last couple of years.  You have to find ways to keep you happy on the bed ridden days.  This can be music, comedy on the TV,  jigsaw puzzles, home crafts, adult colouring, meditation. You have to keep your mind busy because it will slowly descend into blackness if you do not find ways to keep yourself afloat mentally on the very bad days.

Why do you think I write this blog? lol 🙂

Curl up with a good book

Curl up with a good book

Obviously if your eyes and brain fog can cope, a good book is a must.  I go through hundreds of books, it’s a great way to escape.  But the most important thing is educating your loved ones.  The biggest problem I see from other sufferers is the lack of understanding by friends and family and them permanently trying to justify this invisible illness to them.  They are in more denial than you are.  If your husband/mum/mate is subtly referring to you as lazy, forcing you to get up and do things or insisting you get a grip, you need to start putting your foot down. They will NEVER understand how it feels.  They will never fully appreciate that every single second of every single day you are in pain somewhere or everywhere with no let up.  They can’t possibly understand that as soon as you stand, gravity pulls you down into a heavy, claustrophobic exhaustive suit that will not disappear and cannot be removed.  Tell them your feelings.  Tell them you need help.  Tell them to read up on what you are suffering with.  If they refuse to acknowledge your predicament, you have to make some serious decisions.  You CANNOT be surrounded by judgemental people who make you feel useless.  I am so lucky that my friends are understanding.  The ones who weren’t have diminished which is fine by me.  I don’t have to explain myself to anyone.

DON’T SUFFER FOOLS GLADLY

Unbelievably a lot of my friends in the last few years have been diagnosed with the same condition!  It is a very common pandemic that the health organisation and society have to wake up to.  The most incredible thing was, my friend Jay got diagnosed with ME. So we now hold each other up on the bad days. Us meeting was meant to be.  My old friend Nicky also was diagnosed along with FIVE others.  We have very interesting conversations normally starting with, “What’s wrong with you today!”

Be kind to yourself.  Admit you have a serious chronic condition and ADAPT.  You have to grieve your old life and find ways to survive in the new one that has befallen you.  There is no cure for this illness.  Don’t chase the next ‘miracle treatment’.  Cope with what you have, gain control and make yourself as comfortable as possible.

It is no mean feat but together we can continually fight this relentless beast.

Reach out, ask for help and love yourself.  On the bad days keep your mind busy and if you need to sleep all day, DO IT! On the good days don’t overdo it or you will find yourself in bed for days or weeks after.  We all do it though, it’s called booming and busting.

YOUR RIGHTS

I was no longer going out, buying clothes or spending money on normal life things so every penny I had went on helping me.  If you find as I did that you cannot work, you are entitled to benefits.  You can apply for PIP which is a living allowance for disabled people.  I also got a blue badge for my car and owned the fact that even though my title was ‘disabled’ I was still the same person but just needed a little help. Don’t suffer in silence like I did for three long years.

All of these achievements took ages to deal with and arrange.  But I felt so much stronger in myself and felt I had established some sort of control of my life.

However, I was still on Morphine, Gabapentin, Cocodamol, Ibuprofen, Duloxetine and Paracetamol.  I was eating them like smarties, but pain was still a constant companion.

A MESSAGE FROM HEAVEN

My clever Nan

My clever Nan

It took a visitation from my nan one night on the 27th July, to change my life considerably.  I will never forget the night that I saw the spirit of  her bustle across my landing, turn around and radically change my day to day life by saying three little  words……


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Nicky Alan

ME myself and I. My Soul Diaries 4

THE ARRIVAL OF MIRACLES

Hi everyone,
Wow so far there has been such a huge response to my blog, of that I am overwhelmed and truly thankful! Quite a few of you have suggested that I make my story into a book. It’s already been started a while back. Like EARTH WALKERS I have decided to integrate my experiences with fiction to create THE DARK KNIGHT OF MY SOUL. It will be a chick lit comedy taking the character on a journey similar to mine but I will also be putting in some hilarious anecdotes of my time as a working medium. I don’t want it to be too miserable, so I am writing it with a lot of img_5012humour filled with inspiration, tears and laughter. I’m hoping that you will love it!
In fact I have so many ideas for books normally inspired from dreams that my fingers are going to have to work very hard to catch up!
I would also love to hear your comments, there’s a comment icon above my blog. I would love to hear your experiences especially if you are a chronic illness sufferer or want to share how faith or the heavens have assisted you on your path.

Drum Healing

So where were we? Yes I was on my way rather reluctantly to get some drum healing.
I was morose and in a deep depression and did not want to engage with anyone I met at the healing room. I was not good company. Finally I was summoned to the healing room where I would receive my healing. My friend Martine was not only doing the drum healing but she also handed me a bottle of water that she had infused with her healing energy. Water holds memory and I would literally try anything if it helped me get out of my God forsaken bed.

Deep Healing

The healing was deep, it penetrated my being with each rhythmic beat. It literally took seconds for my desperate soul to be seduced by the drum. I immediately went into a deep trance state, it was euphoric, I wanted to stay there forever. I did not want to come back down to Earth and to my miserable existence.

My mind then went blank, I was aware of the drum beats as they resonate through your whole body quite deliciously but apart from that I was in a no mans land where thought,  feeling and consciousness didn’t exist. I felt free.

Somewhere far away I was aware that the drum beats were slowing their tempo and were quieter, a far away thought was telling me we were coming to an end. I recall it so clearly, I could feel a little panic whispering it’s way back into my mind, I didn’t want to go back to my loneliness and Earth life. As my mind started to come back to the room it then stopped and wouldn’t allow me to awake any further. I must have been in the alpha brain wave state, the state we aim for in meditation. It was then that I saw him. The man who brought balance, unconditional love, discipline, guidance and breath taking humility.

He was my hero,my father, brother, friend, family and everything I could ever need, my soul guide JULIANUS.

I cannot recall if I cried out, I should ask Martine really, to see his beautiful face again after so long was like coming home.

Pain and relief

My Soul cried out in pain and relief, I had not seen him for what seemed an eternity.  Was I forgiven for whatever sins I had created to be going through this hell? Had he come to reprieve or reprimand me?  Mixed emotions were sailing through me, my saviour was here standing right by my side, but for what reason?

I think it prudent at this point to introduce you to Julianus. If you have been one of my students over the years and are reading this then you will smile and know all about him.

When I first became aware of him in my early twenties I had no clue who he was. I used to meditate and go to this little shack on a remote island. There I would see all of my family sitting around a fire in the middle of the shack. This grey haired, heavily stubbled man would be sitting in the corner wearing what appeared to be a brown sack cloth habit with a rope around his waist.  He reminded me a little of the TV character Steptoe!

Honesty, he had a very scruffy appearance and I chose to look at him but then ignore him as I said hello to my Nan and dad!
How awful Nicky! You naughty girl! But he said nothing, he would just smile and stare at me. I couldn’t for the life of me imagine why he was always there for years and years not saying anything.

I now realise that I was in the police then and obviously wasn’t ready to meet him and walk my path alongside him. After being retired from the police it didn’t take long for him to introduce himself!

I was sunbathing in my back garden, it was a glorious summers day and I am a bit of a sun worshipper. My mind was at rest listening to the bird song in the garden, I was totally relaxed and feeling completely calm.

I then suddenly felt exceptionally cold and realised I was in a cave. I could smell the damp moist soil on the cave floor and heard the incessant tap tapping of a water source somewhere nearby, dripping onto the rocks.
I started to try and wake up then, but realised that this was an important meditation as I heard a voice say,

‘It is time that I introduced myself, I am Julianus, I will show you how we met and that I have been responsible for you ever since.’

‘heard a voice’

Now when I say ‘heard a voice’ its a bit different from human hearing.
Sometimes they are discarnate, in the ether, like a proper human voice. The majority for me are in my head. It’s like a loud insistent thought that you know is not your own, I can sense the tone and accent easily. A bit like when I channel through spirit people during readings, or the angel realms. They all have a different energy and power, the angels realms is like a startling command it’s quite amazing.

Well this voice was melodic and velvety with a slight Italian accent. I fell in love with the energy of this strangers voice immediately, I was intoxicated with each word.
So I heard this voice and then the rocks at the entrance of the cave started to drag open. I walked out and found myself in a very hot climate looking out at a beautiful landscape lined with Cypress trees.

I asked,  ‘Where are we?’
He replied, ‘Trastevere, Rome’ (I thought he said travesty at the time!)
‘What is the year?’ I asked.
‘1452’
‘Why am I here?’
‘This is where we shared a life together, your name was Mary.’
I then felt a massive whoosh as if I was lifted into the air and found myself outside a stunning church with white pillars fronting the entrance. I looked up and saw the name of the church ‘ST CECILIAS’.

This man who I then recognised as the man who had been sitting in my shack for years took my hand and said,

‘You were welcomed here in the House of Mary Magdalena in this year.’ I looked into his bright blue eyes and wanted to cry, the care and love that exuded from them was indescribable.

Court Yard

He then took me through to a court yard and lead me through an archway on the left. He pointed to the arch and said,
‘Here I write the word of the lord. My prophecies will remain here intact forever.’ We then came out through the arch and were standing by a tomb, St Cecilia’s tomb.
‘This was your home Mary.’
In  the sun I looked to the crypt and saw the outline of my habit in silhouette form. It had a square shape.
He then said,
‘I have someone for you to meet.’
A man then approached me  with the most beautiful thick wavy hair. His face just represented total serenity and love. He took my hands and said,
‘Mary, I am Nicholas, I preside over you and the men in this space. I am here to protect you.’
He then placed a kiss on my forehead, I could feel the emotion spread through me like an unknown heat. His love was infinite.
He then looked up to the sky and said, ‘Come we must make haste, Ava Mary is upon us!’
He then gently lead me towards the church where I heard the most stunning chanting.

Back in the room

I was then ‘back in the room’ as they say. I was wide awake and crying my eyes out. It was one of the most beautiful things that I had ever experienced in my life.
Once I had blown my nose the next thing, as all ex detectives would have done, was hit the google button. It was a weird experience because every time I tried to google St Cecilia’s I would get to a link but then the computer would go down or the internet was lost. I sensed that perhaps it wasn’t the right time, to be honest I was a little scared that my miracle introduction was just my imagination, I didn’t want to discover that it didn’t exist.  Silly me!
From then on Julianus was a regular visitor. He was quite a sombre man in those days. In trance he came across as very foreboding and took no nonsense. He even used medieval Italian and sometimes Polish words that were recorded and translated into lucid messages. It was simply amazing.
But there came a time when I realised, being a spiritual ambassador wouldn’t just work on my word only, I needed proof that he and I existed, so that I could challenge the sceptics with my evidence. So I decided to get a ticket to Rome. It coincided with my ex partners birthday so it was a dual purpose visit.
I cannot tell you the fear that smashed through me as I got into the taxi and asked the driver ‘Can you take me to St Cecilia’s church, Trastevere’ he just said ‘Si’
My heart was beating out of my mouth as he drove straight into a square and stopped.

St Cecilia’s square

I looked up and let out a gasp mixed with a sob. I was in St Cecilia’s Square and was looking up to the familiar church frontage with the white pillars ‘St Cecilia’ written as bold as anything across the rendering.
I think my ex partner paid the taxi man as I just got out of the taxi in a trance like state crying my eyes out.
I walked through the court yard like a zombie looking at everything I had seen years before in my meditation.
I could see the gated area to my left that I knew lead to St Cecilia’s crypt and the archway that had Julianus’ writing etched into it.
I was so frustrated as the gate was locked.

I then walked into the church and saw a bust of a monk. It was a St Franciscan monk, which I later discovered did a Sabbatical in a cave prior to serving God, that explained the cave then! I then went on to discover that Julianus was here in 1452 and did write words of prophecy in the arch that lead to the house of Mary Magdalena. Women nuns were welcomed into the church here in 1452 where they were allowed to reside with the monks.

It was simply staggering. I was standing in a place that I knew so well, 500 years later!

St Cecilia's Church where I lived in 1452

St Cecilia’s church where I lived in 1452

To say it was overwhelming was an understatement. Now I knew why I was always completely at peace in churches despite not being religious.  I had to have incense burning all of the time aswell.  I just couldn’t stop crying. I also learned that ‘Ava Mary’ was what they called the Ave Maria prayer in that time that was chanted at sunset hence why Nicholas looked up to the sky.
‘Nicholas’ I thought, ‘I now need to find Nicholas,’
Reluctantly I left the church and headed straight for the Vatican.
If you have ever been to the Vatican you will know it’s like a house for giants. It is colossal with thousands of people wondering around everywhere.
Well I knew it like the back of my hand even though I had never been to it in this life. I went straight over to a guide and asked quite impatiently,

‘Where is Pope Nicholas crypt from 1452 please?’
The guide looked into his guide book.
‘No he is not here, signora’
‘Yes he is! Look again’ I said, frustration lacing my words.
‘No signora there is nothing here’
‘Oh don’t worry!’ I said very impatiently.

I then turn around like a woman possessed and walk towards this concrete opening with complete confidence and bounced down the stairs frantically.
The second crypt on the right I threw my body over and sobbed  like a baby.
I had nuns coming up to me asking if I was ok.
I then looked down to his plaque and saw  ‘Pope Nicholas V’. From his details I saw that he did cover the Trastevere diocese during 1452.
I was so amazed and humbled at the same time. Previous incarnations,soul guides and everything I had ever seen since a child was real, this was never a figment of my imagination, I had proved it to myself.
After what seemed a lifetime I reluctantly pulled myself away from his crypt and went back up to the main hallways.
Amazingly the same guide came running towards me.
‘Signora,’ he smiled, ‘My apologies. How did you know of his crypt? It is in no guidebook, but I asked one of the oldest guides here and he told me it was indeed down below in the crypt room!’
I had no words to answer him, I just smiled.
‘You are a special lady, come with me!’
The next thing, he was guiding me towards this small shop in the Vatican.
‘Go buy two phials’
Without questioning him I went into the shop and picked two small bottles. At the till the lady giving me my change looked at the coins and said,
‘This is unusual, I have one of the gold coins that are the popes special currency!’
She was obviously in two minds as to whether it should be given to a member of public.
She made her decision, ‘Well it was obviously meant for you, take it!’
I thanked her enthusiastically, wow one of the Popes special gold coins!
I then gave the two phials to the guide and he spoke in Italian on his radio.
An armed man with an earpiece then arrived and spoke to the guide and then they both looked at me.
He smiled at me and then took the two phials.
I had no idea what was going on.
A little later he returned with the two phials filled with water.
‘This is from the popes private font. Take it with you and use it wisely,’ he smiled.
I couldn’t believe it!
I took the phials and thanked him and the armed guard with so much zest they must have thought that I was a nutter!
How lucky was I?
Incidentally I used that holy water to heal my dogs tumour, but that’s a story for another day!

Me in the vatucan by the entrance to the crypts

Me in the Vatican by the entrance to the crypts

I have asked sceptics, very well known ones in fact, about my story, they either have replied they can’t explain it but its not supernatural (?) or I fell asleep in front of a history programme! What nonsense! We should be investigating it all together, this phenomena, but they are too tunnel minded on  proving us idiots and charlatans to discover the truth!
So back to my beautiful Julianus.
He was standing there looking at me with such love and concern as I was laying on the healing bed. I was aware that the healing drum had stopped. Apparently I raised my arm to quieten the girls as Julianus started to speak. I had no idea that I had done this.
Julianus had his hood up, I have learned over the years that when his hood is up it is a very serious message and he means business.
I heard a feminine voice then say,
‘You are receiving the sacred feminine energy derived

Me at the Vatican, can you see the orbs, one looks like a small angel!

Me at the Vatican, can you see the orbs, one looks like a small angel!

from the North’ I had no clue what this meant but would understand it years later.
Then my darling Julianus spoke. If Heaven had a voice it would be his.
He placed his hand on my shoulder. My shoulder sizzled, popped and bubbled from his touch, my whole body grew huge goosebumps.
‘My darling Nichola, do you honestly think that we would put you through all of this pain for no reason? It has to be done to clear your wrong decisions and to prepare you for your next phase of life and work.’
He then held my face with both hands and kissed both of my cheeks. I felt as if I had been  kissed by fizzy, freezing water.
As I felt his connection I then saw myself in a dark overgrown forest. I was far off of the path I should have been on. In order to get back to my path I had to battle through the overgrowth that I had wondered into, so I knew I had a long journey ahead of me. They had stopped me in my tracks as I was in the wrong state of mind, surrounded by the wrong people and obviously I had a new way to represent them and everything had to be put back on track.
Julianus then showed me PSALM 56:22. It is one of his favourite things to do. He shows me quotes from his bible as a quick way to get a message across.
I made a mental note to google it later.
He then said, ‘The healing you are receiving is like lumps of fuel,’ I then saw him holding lumps of what looked like coal.
‘We are stacking them up within you,but you must not use them before you are completely sated and full. When it is time we shall light the fuel and allow it only to burn very slowly. It will not be lit Nichola until it is properly full. You must cherish and preserve this fuel. April 2016 will be your turn around, be patient. Stop worrying about small issues, people, money. It is all on course.’
He then backed away from me with the most loving smile I have ever seen.
I felt sadness as I watched him disappear.
I opened my eyes that were yet again welling with tears and smiled .
‘He’s back, they are back! They never left me!’ I remember saying.
I had a new vibrancy. Not physically but mentally and spiritually I could feel the strength returning. This was the day that everything began again.
The synchronicity, the signs, the voices, it all returned to me on that poignant day.
I felt blessed and at peace. Finally my soul had been reawakened.

Psalm Julianus

I googled the Psalm Julianus showed me.
‘CAST THY BURDEN UPON THE LORD AND HE SHALL SUSTAIN THEE: HE SHALL NEVER SUFFER THE RIGHTEOUS BE MOVED’
How magnificent.
That night I prayed for the first time in years and knew that every word was being heard!
The following day brought the first signs and synchronicity that were phenomenal and I still had the next miracle to befall me. Believe me, it would change my life forever…..


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